Don't think I can take any more of this house

[ReacherSaidNothing]

We moved to this house 18 months ago, it met a lot of our needs but we've had constant issues since we arrived here. So far we've spent the equivalent of nearly 10% of the house value sorting issues that we never anticipated.

I've never been happy here and its triggered anxiety issues I've never had before. I've been fortunate enough to have fairly robust MH but every time some new issue crops up in the house, I feel my mood plummet. DH and the kids are happy enough and DH would be reluctant to move but he says he would as he knows ive never been happy here.

I said to him a while ago that I was tolerating this place but wanted to sell when the kids left home (they're only 16 and 12 atm) to downsize and go into semi retirement with the spare cash but I just don't know if I can do it. We found yet another leak in the plumbing yesterday, which is what has triggered me making this post! WWYD if you were us?

Would you be happy if all the work was done?

This was actually one of the main reasons I left my last house. I loved the area and the location was close to family and the local amenities but it was a never ending battle with problem after problem. My new house is perfect but I’m now much further out.

I've just been through a two year renovation project OP so feel your pain.
It was so lowering to keep being hit with problems. One step forward, two steps back.

Here's what I did and I hope it helps you.
I treated the whole thing like a work project.
I started at the top and did a thorough assessment of everything that needed doing/pissed me off/might be a problem.
Then I wrote a schedule with priorities and timescales.
Then made a budget. I factored in contingency on budget and timescale.

I started working through the house in a systematic way.
Still hard work, still things went wrong I'd not allowed for but at least I felt I had some control and a plan.

It was a total nightmare of work and dust, but here I am, two years on and it's all done. I've gone from feeling dominated by the house and scale of work to absolutely loving the place.

Moving will be no guarantee of a no maintenance place. Make yours work for you and, in the meantime take lots of breaks (I went away to air bnbs to relax, escape the dust and just not have to look at the work) and look after yourself.

Tbh this was never meant to be any kind of a renovation project for us. We both work full time, have two school age kids and just wanted to get on with family life in a place with more space.

We could move to a slightly smaller place (while probably still paying the same amount as we did for this house) within the same area. As long as my kids have their own rooms - have a boy and girl who don't get on - then thats the main thing. I don't care that we have a spare room to use as a 'hobby room', a big garden, or space for DH to hang his massive fuck-off telly on the wall. These were just bonuses that happened to come with this house

You need to be happy. Start looking for somewhere new

If your house feels like just a house and not a home it’s time to move. Just don’t rush. You need to love the next house. Even if you need to do a bit of work (carpets, kitchens, bathrooms etc, you need to know you will love it as you never know if issues may arise with that one. But at least if you love it you will be able to deal with any work better.

Is the end in sight or do you perceive these issue to be ongoing? What kind of things are you talking about?

Having something that needs a new kitchen or bathroom doesn't faze us as we have a friend with a kitchen fitting business and can get us things on trade prices.

I feel very much like im tolerating this place in the hope of downsizing to release cash in (hopefully) about 15 years but I just don't think I can do it. I dread to think of the money it might total to stay here if we keep having problem after problem. It's not only financial cost, it's cost to sanity also!

Can you articulate what the actual problem is? It’s hard to advise otherwise…

When we moved in there were two separate leaks, one of which we got sorted and the second resulted in a flood through the house.
We had penetrative damp and had to get the front of the house re-rendered.
There was a wall taken down but no supporting beam put in its place, this alteration wasn't mentioned in the survey so our solicitor didn't know it was something that had to be looked into. The floor upstairs was sagging, we found this out after the flood which happened two weeks after we moved in when carpets got lifted.
All these things happened within three weeks of moving in.
Then earlier this year we had water coming through a wall in the hall as there was a leak at the bath. The bath was all tiled in with no access so had to get it broken apart before then needing a new bath panel.
The wall hung toilet, again all tiled in, failed and that all needed ripped open too, resulting in half the bathroom being replaced.
Thrre was a bad smell of mildew that went on for months and we could never find out the cause, it vanished only when we got a new door on the cellar.
If these things had happened over a longer period it would have been more tolerable. This is our third house, we were in the last two houses for 11 and 9 years and never had anywhere near the level of problems over those years as we have with this place.

We moved a year ago. We downsized and it’s an OK house, but it’s just not home. It feels so much smaller, we had great neighbours and friends and we don’t know anyone here. I’ve tried, but people just aren’t friendly.

I’ll have to get used to it. Our income is fixed, so we can’t move. It’s not been a good year anyway, so that hasn’t helped. DH likes it though. I’ll hope for better.

OP I suspect you are just burnt out from all the problems with the house that you didn’t anticipate. It sounds like many have now been fixed. I think perhaps you don’t “trust”
the house because it the problems. If you perhaps get it up to spec and then decorate some rooms and put your touch on it, you may find you can relax and trust the house and feel more at home.
I wonder if the surveyor misses some things such as the wall removed and whether there may be a claim there?

Moving house is expensive, very stressful and a huge hassle. Also no guarantee your new home will be perfect.

Make sure you're in the right frame of mind to consider the implications of your decision but if you want to move and dh OK with it then do it.

I think you're right in me not trusting the house. I feel like I don't want to spend money on nice things eg a holiday next year just in case something else goes wrong. Boiler not long serviced, roof has had a once over and is fine so those are OK. But i worry that there's something awful waiting to happen.
Re a claim, the structural surveyor we got out this is the original surveyor was likely negligent and we should claim. I did call the person who did the survey but he just deflected and said it was my solicitor's fault for not looking into it. But how could the solicitor look into it if she didn't know the problem existed!

Sorry, the structural surveyor said the original surveyor is likely negligent!