Selling house I love

[crumpetandcoffee]

Myself and DH are mid fifties. We live in a house we love but still have a mortgage for the next 12 years. We're paying £800per month at the moment but who knows what rates will do in the future. DH is the main earner but has no workplace sick pay and hasn't been in good health lately. I can't afford the mortgage and bills on my wage alone and we have no critical illness cover. We are seriously thinking of selling as we could afford to buy outright with our equity and be mortgage free. The houses we could afford obviously won't be as nice as the one we're in but would be adequate size wise and we could make any house nice inside I suppose. We've been here a long time and have grown very attached to our house although it is only bricks and mortar. We have had ours valued and need to make a decision now whether to go ahead and sell. As we get older we want to relax a bit and not worry about the roof over our head but at the same time the thought of walking away from here makes us want to cry.!! What would you do?

I think I would move. Only to something that also made my heart sing a bit. Perhaps something smaller but with a (potentially) gorgeous garden or view. Or really convenient for a bus route or favourite shop / pub.
Having a paid off house gives great peace of mind and if you are suffering with some ill health already, the benefits could be great. You might be able to travel more and spend time in warmth in winter for example.

Well from what you’ve said, the logical thing to do is move. Buy somewhere smaller mortgage free. Take that £800 a month you are currently paying and stick it in pension pot for as long as DH can keep working. Have the comfort of knowing if it all goes wrong with DHs health you can cover the bills until retirement.

But that’s the “head” decision and clearly the problem is “heart” doesn’t want to go.

Only you can work out if the comfort of not having to worry about the mortgage will make you happier than staying in the big house you love.

Another thought, you don’t have to say what health issues your DH has, but is it likely the large house could become a problem in the future for him? If you’ll need to downside to a flat or bungalow or property near public transport/shops at some point anyway, would it be better to move sooner rather than when you are forced to?

We're actually in a similar spot at the moment. Much longer on our mortgage term but due to remortgage late next year and we're expecting the rate will be higher. I've just been put into a redundancy process and DH has incurable cancer, is not earning, and no insurance. We love our home, but it's definitely head over heart for us.
Financial stress will not be good for either of us and I suspect the home we love would soon feel like a millstone if I'm unable to get a job with a similar salary or if the rates go up more than we could afford. It would stop being our safe nest and would become another problem to fix.
We've set a time limit, if I don't find another job by next March with a good enough salary to sustain what we think the mortgage will go up to, the house will be going on the market and we'll downsize, both in size of house and to a cheaper location to be mortgage free.
I love my home but I love security and less stress more. We've already started looking online so we can see what's available and where we might be able to afford. I've seen some really lovely homes and I know we'll be happy wherever we land next if it comes to it.

I know you’re not old and infirm yet, but can you future proof your next home, into something that will last you. Could be in terms of location, nearby facilities, bungalow etc?

I think sell up and buy outright. You are in a very good position in many ways but it could change if house prices go down, or similar. Years ago dh and I had to do two house moves we didn't really want, leaving houses we loved both times and I bought him a (rather cheesey) wooden sign that says 'home is wherever I'm with you'. It's kicked around out of sight for many years but I noticed he has put it in a very prominent place in our living room recently, which I like. It's true - your home is each other, and you will make the best of your new place.

Thank you all so much for your wonderful words and advice. I'm so sorry about what you're going through, smallorveryfaraway and send you love.
Selling really would be the sensible thing to do. Viewing our house as a millstone helps as does thinking about home is where we are and not a building. We've got today to make a decision and this thread has really helped so thank you all

Have you looked at what else you could get for your budget? Is there anywhere you could love? In your situation I'd struggle to move to somewhere that just ticked the "practical" boxes but not the "heart" boxes, but if I could get both I'd consider it.

@crumpetandcoffee I'd definitely consider selling up to be mortgage-free, but you obviously need to think very carefully about where/what you buy next.

Somewhat like @thisoldcity we've previously sold three houses that we'd rather not have done (#1 - at 3500 sq ft - was way too big for us when DS went to uni, plus our mortgage was 2k+ per month, the other two were #2 my favourite house/but wrong location and #3 DH's favourite/but thatched) and more recently we sold/bought again, moving from a house we'd painstakingly restored (but didn't like) to one closer to family.

We've been mortgage-free since selling the 'big' house and it's made life so much less stressful. However, both of us still - admittedly ridiculously - pine a little for our favourite houses.

Last year we sold the property (a characterful old mill in rural Wales) that we'd purchased as a run down repossession six years previously. On paper it was a great home with a 0.5 acre garden we'd created from scratch. But we both utterly hated living there and missed our family terribly, so selling that one was a no brainer. We needed to relocate to a more expensive area (south coast of England where we're both originally from), so knew we'd have to compromise loads, but also recognised we wanted to be back near the sea, preferably in a period house.

We found a location we liked, but sadly couldn't quite afford the brilliant project cottage two minutes from the sea that I adored. Instead we purchased a smaller cottage literally round the corner that DH persuaded me I'd grow to love. It's about one minute further from the beach, but despite being Georgian had absolutely zero period features. I really don't like it at all, but we're throwing everything at it (our modus operandi 🙄) and if I still don't love it when we're done, he's agreed we'll sell and move again. I really can't face another (DIY) project and would much rather we'd stretched ourselves to buy the other one.....

So, whilst compromises have to be made and expectations managed, if at all possible please don't buy somewhere you don't both feel at least a little bit of love for!

Look at your current house as a place of good memories, and more importantly as good as a bank account with great interest, a good investment and now it's time to cash it in!

A house is just bricks and mortar, but a home is what you make it. Look on it as a new beginning and take great pleasure in putting your stamp on the new home. If you make sure the new house ticks all your boxes it will bring you much happiness, especially being mortgage free. There's nothing like the security of that IMV.

I would move now. £800 is a lot and there are no doubt plenty of properties out there that will be suitable for you that you can buy outright!

We left a house we lived in for 33 years back in January 2025, it was sad to say goodbye but we wanted to settle into our forever home before we retire & do all the work required whilst we have salaries coming in!

You will create new memories in your new home.

You state ‘something smaller won’t be as nice’- why?

take your time and find a property you can buy mortgage free and love. There will be one. make a list of what’s important to you. Deal breakers and nice to haves. View view view and that will refine what you are looking for. Area? Garden? Downstairs bathroom?

what an exciting time for you. Embrace it and enjoy finding and moving into your next home (not house)

It’s time to move and make your new wonderful home before you get too old to have the energy. It may take a year to settle somewhere new and a few more years to create the home you want

keep lots of photos and momentoes ( sp?) . Cry - that’s fine

smaller , cheaper, cheaper to run, less to maintain - these all matter

Thank you so much everyone. You have really made me feel better. We've just signed on the dotted line at the agents. Photos next week then we're officially on the market! You all really helped us stop dithering so thank you so much x

Good luck - it’s a hard and slow time to sell but you at least have no pressure now - although once you have decided it can be frustrating to have to wait