In a right mess

[Apricotily]

We agreed a sale on our house some time ago. We had an offer accepted on a purchase, but following a scary survey, very expensive building quotes and lack of response from the vendor, who lives abroad, eventually were forced to pull out.

We then struggled to find somewhere we were both happy with and worried about the housing market (Wales with mostly 2nd homes / former Airbnbs up for sale, generally poorly maintained and unrealistically priced). Our purchasers said they were happy to wait. We kept changing our mind and eventually went back to the original house at a lower price which they agreed and promised to be more contactable and move swiftly.

We've ended up in short term accommodation, as our purchasers suddenly insisted on a date, which we agreed to meet, not wanting to mess them around. Problem is there are endless delays and we are homeless and feeling suicidal. The fact that this is all our own fault makes it even worse. We can't even rent anywhere as neither of us have a regular income currently (DH was made redundant in the middle of all of this). So our only option is very short term Airbnbs, which with multiple pets is tricky too.

Don't know whether to hang on in the hope that they will actually do what they say (each week they say the end of the week, then we hear nothing, then various excuses but only when we pretty much harass people to find out what is going on). Our solicitor thinks we are being unreasonable expecting them to stick to their word. I just don't know what to do. As of tomorrow we don't even have anywhere to stay. We've spent thousands already with no end in sight. Not sure what I'm asking for really, just can't cope with the mess we have made of our lives, and the fact that no friends or family have offered to help.

That’s grim isn’t it! It will pass but blimy it a hard

Ask friend and family for anything specific - a bed for a week for example ,offer to house sit for anyone who is on holiday - people often prefer to be asked than volunteer and get things wrong

and ask you soliciter to go in hard, suggest end date and watch for then trying to increase the price now they know you are desperate

• keep looking elsewhere it will come together at sone point

Tell your solicitor you’re homeless !! You need to push every single day.

Borrow a big tent and head to a campsite? Ask for a good deal for a longer stay. Your stuff will have to go into storage but got to be better than paying for AirBNBs?!

My solicitor, who is actually a long term friend, is aware but seems to think we are being unreasonable believing them in the first place, e.g. we should have known they didn't really mean the dates they said and just have to hang on hoping each week that they might get their act in gear.

We can't stay in a tent with lots of cats and dogs, some of which howl all night if not allowed out. We have looked at this option! The cats can't go to a cattery as they are not up to date with vaccinations and it would take weeks to get this sorted. (And that is not through laziness but because I've had an old cat that died shortly having having a booster, with the vet pretty much admitting this can happen, so haven't risked it with older cats since.)

Thanks for the sympathy, makes me feel a bit less that I'm losing my mind / out of step with the rest of the world. I know my family won't help, they've not spoken to me for years. DH's family will not have animals in their house. They might begrudgingly have him only to stay for a night or 2 but that's it.

I'm ashamed to admit the extent of how much we've messed up to people IRL. But when people knew we desperately needed temporary accommodation for a week, no-one offered, so definitely don't feel I can ask now. So we arranged it at huge expense, and now don't know what to do next.

All our stuff is already in store, we paid £2000 to have it moved there. Costing a fortune for storage each week, and we can't get to anything, as it is stacked with heavy things in front, which we can't physically move ourselves. We've just got a couple week's worth of clothes and pet things. We can't fit any more into the car. I've been to the launderette, so at least have clean clothes, but don't even have an address to redirect post to. Everything we've spent 30 years working for is dwindling week by week.

Can't believe how much we have messed up. It does really hurt that we have no-one who cares about us too. It makes me feel like we are horrible people. I would do anything I could to help a friend, or even an acquaintance, in a situation like this. I've had people to stay for weeks before, when leaving an ex partner for example. But not one offer of help. (I'm not expecting that person to help BTW, it's not quid pro quo, but makes me feel so alone.)

What stage are you at with the sale of your house? Have you exchanged?

This wont be a popular option but given your circumstances with all the pets etc would you consider pulling out of the sale? Sure you'd have to start again looking for a buyer but you'd have a roof over your head?

Also with no jobs - how are you financing a house move?? I'm assuming cash purchase?

If you'e selling your house surely some of the proceeds can go towards financing temporary housing?

We exchanged and completed on our house last Monday. The vendors of the house we are trying to buy said they would exchange and complete a week later. That has not happened.

Their solicitor is now saying maybe end of next week, but with no guarantee obviously. They are not living in the house, it is their 3rd home, but they want to keep all the furniture that is still there, and have not removed it. Apparently they are going to look at it on Friday. The house itself is deteriorating visibly but we seem to be stuck buying it or will be homeless for months, as we can't buy another house in less than 2-3 months, if we are lucky.

They aren't prepared to offer any compensation for messing us around, and everyone is offended at us daring to even ask about this.

It sounds dreadful. Hang in there, this will come to an end eventually and hopefully one day you’ll look back and think it was all worth it (although I know it doesn’t feel like that now).

Have you considered asking the short term AirBNBs you’re using if they’ll do a longer let (for a few weeks or a month or so)? Some AirBNBs are very happy to do a longer rental for a slightly discounted price if/when they know you’ve treated their property well as it saves them time/effort/work with the turnover of clients. I know a couple of AirBNB owners who do this.

Thanks for the sympathy and ideas. I think we would have been able to do a longer term AirBNB apart from the fact that we are now in peak holiday time. Everywhere has existing bookings, so they can only fit us in between them. Again feel stupid for landing ourselves in this hopeless situation.

OK So I understand a bit more. I don't think you've done anything wrong at all - it may be considered a bit of a gamble - but it's not your fault it hasn't worked out - don't be too hard on yourself!
I'm assuming you've already tried but could you extend the short term agreement you are in now? It does sound like you are close to exchange on the house purchase - so try not to panic (easier said than done I know) hopefully the vendor will soon pull their finger out and you'll get a completion date.

In the meantime i guess all you can do is ring around everywhere until you've found somewhere that will take you and pets. Perhaps there's a caravan park somewhere that has a cheaper unit that might let to you??

Good Luck!!

Ask the greedy bastards with three houses can you rent the one they are selling to you until you buy it. If they had any manners they would. What a shower of dicks. Of course you are right to be totally pissed off at this.

Could you find an airbnb or Travel Lodge anywhere else?

Not everywhere is a tourist area, you might find something for longer/cheaper. Our neighbour runs a basic guest house, £40 a night. Aimed at people working here short term.

SpareRoom is another source or asking on community Facebook groups.

Is it too late to change your solicitor too…they are supposed to be acting in your interest.

We did ask about renting, they seemed positive initially but then ignored us. They implied that they were worried we would damage / steal their furniture. Our solicitor says she wouldn't recommend it, which I understand as it's legally dubious (can't give vacant possession if we are already there, and no legal defence against us squatting, could take them months to get us out with bailiffs). Estate agents are refusing to speak to us anymore, said they have done more than enough already and solicitors have no power to force anyone to do anything.

We've been able to extend where we are now for 2 nights, and booked a different holiday home for a week from Saturday. DH is trying to beg for an early check in, as otherwise we have 4 hours with all of us waiting in the car! So at least have a roof over our head for a short while longer. I hate being so powerless, there is no incentive for them to actually do anything they say, and they know it.

I’m not sure why you expect people to offer you accommodation when you have several animals? I wouldn’t ask friends of mine to stay with me if there were two adults and animal in tow. They probably think ‘They are two adults who can surely sort out somewhere to live short term’. You don’t have a steady income so I’d also be worried about you not leaving and you also don’t know when you can move so you’d likely be there a lot longer than initially stated. This is not being ‘unloved’ it’s about people thinking practically about how long they could house you for.
It doesn’t sound ideal but it also sounds like you’ve made some odd choices, why are you moving? Why didn’t you decide not to move when there was nothing on the market you wanted? And now that’s turned into feeling ‘unloved’ because friends haven’t offered to house you indefinitely?

Thanks again for the useful suggestions. I've looked on SpareRoom in Liverpool and Manchester, for example. Everything on Spareroom is a room in a house or more often flat, won't allow pets and also most require people to be under 40, which I didn't realise was now a key criteria when renting.

We've also looked at Airbnb in other parts of the country. We need to be within a couple of hours of here as DH is having job interviews, which he needs to get back for, and can't find anywhere that will agree a rental for less than 6 months. And for those we need a guaranteed income and / or a guarantor. We've tried offering 6 months upfront but the letting agents don't even ring us back.

One told me they have a 3 page list of people looking to rent a house we were enquiring about. They were kind and helpful but didn't want us to think they would get back to us, as it was very unlikely. Landlords want people who are going to stay long term, who have an income and who don't have pets. I know this sounds mad to anyone who hasn't been in this situation, I would have thought the same - that you can rent somewhere if you have money to pay for it, but that is not proving to be the case. The only places that would consider us are so grim I can't face living there, e.g. tiny, badly kept caravans on campsites in the middle of nowhere, with minimal facilities. I'm struggling enough already with my mental health, I don't think I can cope with being somewhere remote and unpleasant. Sorry I know beggars shouldn't be choosers.

Fair enough REDB99, it's interesting to hear your point of view. I would, and have, tried to help out friends in need, but clearly you would not, I can understand your fears. I hope you are never in need of anyone's help in a difficult situation. But clearly you always make much better choices and will never be in need of anyone else's help or support. It's kind of you to spare the time to point out how stupid I am, it's no end of help!

In your situation I would look at the caravan sites as they may offer the cheapest option and a short term solution.

It's not ideal, but this is not an ideal situation.

It may then all resolve itself.

I don’t think you’re stupid, I just can’t see how your situation has turned into you feeling unloved. It smacks of self pity, you must understand that housing two adults and animals is not feasible for most people. You also need to factor in that you sold your house with no where to move to and seem to expect friends to jump in and save you? It is a crappy situation but you can’t wallow in self pity and claim your friends don’t love you. It sounds like you’re really trying to find somewhere and I hope you do but you’re looking for something very specific and won’t get your cats vaccinated to make things a little easier by having them in kennels. If you won’t make those decisions to help yourselves out why is it anybody else’s responsibility to accommodate you when you won’t compromise?

Something like this in the Manchester area. Takes pets, short term available.

https://www.spareroom.co.uk/flatshare/flatshare_detail.pl?flatshare_id=17862657&search_id=1371088284&city_id=&flatshare_type=offered&search_results=%2Fflatshare%2Findex.cgi%3Fsearch_id%3D1371088284%26offset%3D0%26sort_by%3Dprice_low_to_high&

I’m not sure practical this is but could you buy a caravan to stay in until it’s sorted then sell it again when you’re done? Hubbys suggestion when I read out your situation to him. It might not be at all practical but I thought I’d mention it.

Thanks for the spare room links. The general search one didn't open for me, but the one in Rochdale did. Unfortunately we are too old, like many of the Spare Room listings. I guess people don't want oldies spoiling their vibe. I don't blame them really. I've tried searching with "pets considered" but then almost nothin on the list is suitable in other ways, e.g. not available until August or September, single occupancy only, 30th floor studio flat, etc. There are a tiny number that might take us on paper, we will ring them tomorrow but so far we have not had a single letting agent allow us to view anywhere. It's clearly a landlord's market currently.

Yes I do feel self pity. I would and have offered help to friends in similar (or worse) situations in the past. I get that some people on here would never do that, as they don't want to risk taking on responsibility for anyone else, but it doesn't mean that everyone is like that. It is hurtful that no-one is prepared to even offer me a bed for a night. I've been absolutely desperate this week, and told a couple of friends but with no response. I can't see how that isn't hurtful. I don't think it's unreasonable to feel sorry for yourself when you have no friends or family support. I'm clearly an awful person to be so alone in the world.

I thought about buying a house boat. Caravan might be another option, we will see what we can find. I've seen some park homes but have heard horror stories of people being trapped in a contract and losing loads.

NB I'm not "refusing to vaccinate my cats" as one delightful poster, whose sole aim is to make me feel worse, puts it. Even if I took them to a vet tomorrow, it would be 2 weeks before a cattery would accept them. I have looked at cat boarding options but again the holiday season means they are largely booked up.

It's difficult to see that this poster thinks they are helping, rather just enjoying the schadenfreude of their clear superiority over me, but that's public forums for you, a great place for people to stick the knife in with others who are their lowest.

I honestly don’t think that you should feel that your friends don’t care about you. I bet they do. It’s just that taking in two adults and several animals is a tall order, and I say that as someone who adores dogs and cats and likes having people to stay. House moves are so stressful and you’ve had some bad luck but I’m sure your friends want the best for you.

Would a few different friends take the pets (separately) temporarily so there are more options for you? I'm sure you wouldn't want to be away from them but it might open up other possibilities.