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Original poster

Yet Another Regret Moving House Thread

21 replies

PrimulaQueen · 20/06/2025 11:38

I’ve done a bad bad thing, as the song goes.
My family moved from our extended 4 bed detached house of 11 years on the outskirts of the city and just down the road from my parents and my son’s best friend a few streets away and my daughters the same - although they tend to have a very on off relationship lol…and downsized to a 3 bed semi 30 mins away by car in a more rural area. It’s very pretty where we live and the neighbours are lovely and luckily I have a local shop as I don’t drive but I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake. My son and I are especially missing our friends and being able to pop to my parents whenever we need to. I’m probably on my 5th set of driving lessons. I tend to stop start as I don’t really enjoy driving at all and I get so stressed before and during every lesson. I tried to convince myself I would be fine and get in with it this time as I have to because of moving but the same dread has moved in. I don’t know what I was thinking moving. I feel like me and dh had a moment of madness! One of the reasons for downsizing was to pay off debts and we have done that but the negatives seem to out way the positives now. I was able to walk to most things where I lived before with short walk to my sons school and supermarket 20mins walk away and straightforward walk into town and regular buses. My son had a bigger room and his new room is too small now. It’s not yet been a year and I want desperately to move back, as does my son. Am I being selfish? Should I stick it out?

OP posts:
canyon2000 · 20/06/2025 12:22

I think you really need to prioritise learning to drive. Things will be much easier then.

MadeofCheeese · 20/06/2025 13:23

I'm the same as you with driving however, this time I'm still in Sertralene from my Post Natal depression and it has made a massive difference. I'm now 12 lessons in, driving around a busy city.i would definitely recommend anti anxiety medication.

Original poster
PrimulaQueen · 20/06/2025 14:58

Thank you for the advice and I know you’re right in that being able to drive will most likely put a different perspective on the situation. I’ve been on Propranolol for anxiety for years now but think I’ve built up a tolerance as doesn’t feel like it does anything anymore. Maybe it is time to try something new.

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Notyetthere · 20/06/2025 16:23

How about you learn driving in an automatic car? It removes the stress of clutch and gears, like a go cart so you concentrate on only on road discipline. Once you have the freedom of driving, you might change your mind.

Original poster
PrimulaQueen · 20/06/2025 18:43

I am learning in an automatic car 😊

btw sorry if I sounded snobby about moving from detached to a semi. Did not intend for it to come across that way. We had to work up to our previous house for years. I’m missing the extra space and it gets a little bit annoying having to tell my son to stop bottle flipping and bouncing a ball in the house because we have neighbours. We have a tiny garden now so not much room out there. I’m dreading the summer holidays now 😄

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Trallers · 20/06/2025 18:57

Is moving even an option? It's very hard regretting something, but you have to force yourself to pick out the things that ARE positive about your situation and give those your focus. If moving again is an option then you need to go through how you'd make that happen and what all the consequences might be. I doubt you'd be just back to where you where before as you'd presumably be financially worse off after moving twice, so it might not be worth it. Get logical and practical about what your options are. Make lists and compare them.

Once you've reached a sensible conclusion, find the things you can feel positive about for that situation, and like I said above make those your focus. Regret can be so destructive because it's basically constantly comparing your circumstances to someone else - that someone else just happens to be a different version of you that you can't access again. Life can still be good though.

The driving sounds huge and the suggestion of anti-anxiety meds by a pp to help you tackle it sounds worth looking into

sbplanet · 21/06/2025 09:13

Are you sure about what is causing your unhappiness? Is moving back to the area you lived before financially viable, if so then why not do it?

Original poster
PrimulaQueen · 21/06/2025 20:08

Thank you for the replies. What you said @Trallers about a different version of me that I can’t access again is food for thought. I do know there have been a lot of versions of me. We have to wait another year for my son to finish yr 6 at his current school before we can move. Maybe in that year I’ll feel differently who knows. Just not enjoying that sinking feeling I get when I wake up. It’s so strange because I had perked up for a bit and was decorating and making changes and then went into an awful slump again.

@sbplanet we could afford to move but doesn’t look like we can afford the type of house we had before.

OP posts:
sbplanet · 21/06/2025 21:03

"...we could afford to move but doesn’t look like we can afford the type of house we had before."

So is it the type of house that is bothering you? Would that matter if you could move back? You don't seem sure what it is that's the real problem?

sortaottery · 22/06/2025 07:34

You might already be doing this stuff, but could you try and think more about how to reshape your life around what your new locale has to offer (rather than what it doesn't?)

For example, you have a small garden, but are there parks or fields nearby where your son would have space to play? Are there any local events or clubs that someone in your family could join to build up more connections?

Something I like to do when I move somewhere new is to buy the Ordnance Survey map for the area and use it to spur explorations of whatever feature catches my interest, however tiny and unlikely to be mentioned on TripAdvisor.

Buying/selling and moving house are hugely stressful and time-consuming. I'm struggling and I don't have a family to think of. So I'm wondering if reconciling yourself to the new existence would be easier than upping sticks once again.

Plus, you have nice neighbours where you are now! That's such a plus. Imagine moving back to the city and finding yourself next to the kinds of neighbours who appear in terrifying Mumsnet threads.

Namechangerage · 22/06/2025 07:37

Why did you move? Was it your DH pushing it?

3luckystars · 22/06/2025 07:43

That seems like it was a big decision and ordeal to move, give yourself some credit for doing that, you must have had good reasons.

Its ok to move again if you want to, but take your time x

Roselilly36 · 22/06/2025 08:05

A year is long enough, you have tried it, and it isn’t for you. Move back, life is too short. Even if you drove, you will soon get fed up of always being a taxi service. If I was in your shoes, I would move.

RobinHeartella · 22/06/2025 08:27

Focus on the main, big positive - you've cleared debts. They'd have been hanging over you. That's a huge peace of mind, surely.

RobinHeartella · 22/06/2025 08:28

Namechangerage · 22/06/2025 07:37

Why did you move? Was it your DH pushing it?

It's in the op - to clear debt

Baxdream · 22/06/2025 08:29

You need to write down the reasons you moved. Finances appear to be the main one. Therefore, write down how that impacted you and how it made you feel. You downsized for a reason.
Now you need to put all your energy into driving- no cancelling lessons, get it done and you will have the benefit of no debt and being mobile.

I moved a few years back and still have thoughts of regret. I regularly have to remind myself why we moved!

loobyloo1979 · 22/06/2025 08:41

What are the positives of where you are living now?

DelphiniumDoreen · 22/06/2025 08:47

Ask yourself…
What am I feeling?
Why am I feeling like that?
What would make me feel better?

Write it down. Ask it on repeat until you have covered all your feelings. Be brutally honest with yourself. It will reveal what you should do next.

Get hypnotherapy for the driving fear. It works. Pass your test and see where it takes you next. There are no wrong turns in life just different routes.

SaturdayDream · 22/06/2025 10:10

I would move back to the area if possible.

audreyandaubrey · 22/06/2025 17:23

Do it. Follow your gut. We moved away to downsize2 miles away and although we tried hard to settle there, after two years we realised how unhappy we were and decided to look for somewhere in the original place and found a house round the corner from our first house and have happily lived here ever since

Original poster
PrimulaQueen · 23/06/2025 16:56

Making a list sounds a good idea to me and looking into some better anti anxiety meds. Thank you for all the replies, they’re very much appreciated and will think on them. I think we’ve pretty much decided on moving back though. There’s some things we need to finish off in the house first so can’t go on market till next year. Who knows in that time I might change my mind but I really don’t want mess people about…that’s my worry.

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