Possible house sale head over heart

[swirlyheadspiral]

Dithered between property and chat for this one. But it is a head over heart about my house plumped for this one!

we bought a lovely house a few years ago - very large mortgage. Very manageable on my current salary. But the rub is that my salary can’t be replicated in another job. I spend my life feeling very vulnerable in my job and feeling like I don’t have any options.

recently decided I can’t live like this anymore. My anxiety has kind of peaked and I pretty much throw up most days when I wake up through stress. I think (but don’t know) it’s the pressure of having no options that is doing this to me. There’s a good chance that if I feel more secure financially I would be more objective and less stressed about my job. So we have agreed to put the house on the market and downsize.

i want to reduce my mortgage by 50% and see how I feel. This is however not the perfect time to do this as my house hasn’t gone up in value. We will make a loss when you factor in the stamp duty already paid and also there will be an early repayment charge on any part of the mortgage we don’t port.

so all that makes me think I should suck it up and wait. But also the maintenance costs are huge - it’s a very old house and things keep going wrong that couldn’t be picked up in the survey. Next month we have to pay for a new boiler and for our heating system to be upgraded. I feel like it’s never ending and the money we don’t spend on the house I desperately save in case interest rates go crazy when our mortgage fix ends and the only way to protect myself from that is to be able to pay down the mortgage.

so stressful job. Physical signs of burn out. Feel like I have no money when I really have enough to live and a constant fear that if my job goes wrong (which it could do due to some restructuring) I will be homeless living under a bridge (or something less extreme but that’s where my head goes every morning when I wake up).

not sure what my question is. Maybe it’s a sense check - does this make sense?? I can do all the therapy to be more resilient and learn to cope better with my anxiety but that is a long term thing I think whereas my body and brain are screaming at me to put myself first sod the loss on the house and just get to a better place with my mental health. Very confused

Ok it’s clear you need to move jobs. Sell the house decide whether you port the mortgage and reduce it once you can penalty free.

Thanks so much for all the views.

on the sunken costs part the constant need to pay out is a real pressure. We got a full survey done which picked up some stuff and we negotiated the price down accordingly. Since then we have uncovered lots of bodge jobs and patch up work that I think must have been done to sell the house. I am trying to look at eg the lost SDLT on the purchase as regained by saving us thousands of pounds on future work which I think will probably happen.

i am also a poster child for why you shouldn’t bite off more than you can chew with an old property. We thought we had it all researched but some of the problems are so expensive to fix as you need particular materials etc to make sure it is done in a way that doesn’t being about further damage. Also all the prices have gone up. It feels never ending. My husband is dealing with it all as he has more time but my word it is never ending. Haven’t been able to do any decorating since we moved in as keep finding new areas of damp that crack the plaster etc

This sounds really tough, @swirlyheadspiral . I too have a very old house that is more than we need and sucks up any spare income we have- but it's a labour of love so we keep going. I think the real mistake from what you describe is making decisions based on a best case scenario, so that any deviation from that best case threatens your security. As long as the house demands your current high income you will feel trapped in your current toxic job and that is clearly harmful to your wellbeing. If you had a more manageable house you might feel more free to impose some boundaries on your work life because you wouldn't suffer that constant fear.
I'm sorry to say I think you might have to let the house go, to preserve your mental and physical health. It can't be a purely economic decision because that would lead you to double down and recoup your expenditure. My advice fwiw is to sit down and make a list of things you love about your house or that bring you joy. And then start looking at smaller more manageable houses that share those characteristics. Don't sell your house until you understand what kind of replacement house would work well and make you happy. Then put it on the market and view the change as a liberation. Once you are free of your house millstone you can start to address your wider anxiety. Selling the house isn't the whole solution but I think it would remove one major stressor from your life and empower you to address the factors at work that are making you ill.

I don't know if it is totally crazy. You sound like you understand the job market. Ultimately the house isn't making you happy.

Could you put everything in place to sell. Get the photos etc done and perhaps even go on the market and test the water.

You are still not obliged to sell but will need to check for fees incurred if you get a proceed able offer.

What do you need in a house should be the question. Is something with half the mortgage meeting your needs in the long term?

Can you port the mortgage? You may be able to pay off some without incurring all of the early repayment charge. You could go up and LTV bracket and save your money at the same interest then pay off a chunk at end of fixed.

Thanks so much everyone. This has helped my swirly head this evening. Lots to think about. My husband and I will keep discussing the pros and cons - I have the estate agent coming round next week to do a valuation. We will move slowly and not act in haste x

If you are employed in the UK they need to understand the concept of going off sick because it’s a right you have in law! I assume that means you only have statutory sick pay though so it wouldn’t really help.

Does your company have competitors
& do they not have the same role that you do? If you haven’t spoken to recruiters I really would advise it - they might be aware of roles you aren’t.

Do you think the constant trying to make a decision is adding to your stress?

I find that period of trying to decide the best course most trying. Once I've decided I'm much more pragmatic even if it's hard but I find the constant swirling utterly draining.

When I'm not sure of the right course of action I try to imagine the option being taken away. If someone said you have to stay where you are for 10 years does that make you feel better or worse?

Or perhaps easier the other way round in your circumstances. If you were told you must move tomorrow, would your primary emotion be relief or disappointment?

@swirlyheadspiral sorry, I hope you don‘t mind me asking, but what industry was your husband working in?

You said your 45, is HRT an option to help with the anxiety? I started taking it age 44, but also made a very conscious decision to not get the bigger job as I wanted more balance. The house definitely sounds challenging but if you can find ways to support your health & wellbeing it may buy you more time to sort the house / job a bit more.

Spoke to recruiters - would be a big paycut.

I think making a decision would definitely help. If the option to move tomorrow was there it would be a massive relief. Just feel like I am “giving in” to my anxiety. Never know how much I should try and how much I should think it’s ok to step back I don’t have to live life in survival mode.

every time I look at a room I see an issue that needs to be fixed. It’s so depressing. I know how stupid I sound but all the windows are singled glazed and I thought it would be cold but my word it is COLD. The boiler stopped working in February and it has been so cold you can see your breath. And then we had to buy multiple electric radiators…and because the system is so old it is costing an arm and leg to fix and upgrade. And we are waiting for parts…

@swirlyheadspiral I am exactly where you are now. I work for an American company, they have no concept of wellbeing. I ended up going on sick leave as my health was taking a battering. I'm sure to be replaced.

I too have a money pit house and a big income which is constantly at risk. I decided to sell the house and downsize. I complete next week. Never felt better, it was definitely the best decision for me as it takes the pressure off and now work doesn't seem as stressful.

It sounds like you’re in a bit of a rat run, working incredibly long hours to pay for a house that you can’t enjoy because of the long hours. Like you say surviving not enjoying life. On top of that there is the feeling of being trapped in your job because financially you have no where to go and then to make matters worse you have the fear if loosing your current salary and being in a difficult financial situation.

Besides the house the job stress is probably enough to cause the anxiety that you’re feeling, which I think anyone would feel having a stressful job that’s always on one’s mind and working so many hours. I totally understand why putting yourself in a financial situation where you know you can just walk away at any time and if you loose the job it’s not a disaster is tempting. However it math not be the best long term decision financially.

A few questions;

When does your fixed mortgage product end?

How many years do you have left on your mortgage? Could you extend your term when you remortgage to lower the payments?

When did you lock in your current rate? It may be that rates are actually lower when you remortgage.

If your husband gets a job and you get a new job at a lower salary (and less hours hopefully) will you be able to afford the current repayments?

We have just sold a large 3 story Victorian pile.
it took 10 months from instructing an agent to moving out.
We moved out in March and the relief is enormous, I feel lighter than I have in years.
We have everything in store and are hopefully moving to a more manageable property in a few weeks.
Go for it!

Sell OP and you will feel that huge weight lift from your shoulders. I sort of know how you are feeling. When my DC were young I saw the dream house (huge Edwardian semi in the best location) but I wasn't earning enough so I decided to take on an evening job too to cover the mortgage. It didn't take long before the shine on the freezing cold house wore off and I realised I would have to keep working evenings as well as my day job for many years to come. We lasted 5 years and sold up and downsized. I cut my hours back again and felt the weight fall away.

I would put the house on the market and see what happens. You might get a great offer quickly, it might sit for ages, you never know.

But from what you've said here I think something needs to change for you, and quickly.

OP you clearly have bad anxiety at the moment. I have it to and take propranolol when it kicks off, like a poster above mentioned. Please go and see your GP to seek medication first to get this under control. You will then be able to see the woods for the trees.
once you’ve got your mental health back to a steadier plane, consider the options for moving. It sounds like your job is causing you burn out and you feel under pressure to pay for the house you are in at the moment, however you want to be strategic about any move so don’t want to be governed by anxiety.
sort the anxiety first and then plan your house move and job move if necessary.

I totally get it OP and would downsize in your situation it takes the pressure off to a degree, but only if you do then make a change to your job.

Life is too short for this shit. Sell the house, buy something you can afford on lower salaries, quit the job and take a lower paid less stress role. Working every day bar Christmas and throwing up everyday due to stress and anxiety is not normal and it’s no life. More money isn’t the be all and end all, health and happiness is important too!

I agree with snackpacket. Sell the house, buy something smaller, cut your losses and start to begin enjoying your life. Everything doesn’t have to be a slog - choose a healthy and happy life over a so called dream house that really doesn’t fit with what you want or need.

I agree with all of this.

Sometimes people suffer with anxiety and are always anxious about something but sometimes being in a stressful job that you feel there is no way out of crushes your mental health.

You are not happy in your work and to make any changes you need a cheaper house.

It sounds to me like if you downsize to a cheaper house that does not require major work you will be delighted.

You made the wrong call stretching your finances for this house and you can now either sort it out or keep the situation dragging on and making you miserable.

I agree with this.

If your anxiety was irrational or out of proportion like being convinced the house will catch fire or that you will be run over on the way to work, medication might be the answer.

But it sounds like your fears are grounded in reality and distinct possibility (as well as a punishing level of constant work) so it's quite different.

Selling is much more stressful when you need to rather than want to (and it's bad enough for the latter) so I'm inclined towards doing in your control rather than the alternative. Of course it may never come but I'm still not sure being in a big house under stress is worth the risk.

A house should be your happy and safe space not a place which bleeds you dry, causes nothing but stress and on top of that is freezing, a more manageable house can still be a lovely house, big is not necessarily beautiful, big can just be a complete drain on you financially and emotionally.