Too late for upgraded house move?

[Cortisolina]

I’m 48, DH is mid-50s but in that classic London way, we had DC quite late. We have one early teen DC and a late primary DC.

I realise we are hugely fortunate and privileged to own a house but I’m afraid it doesn’t stop me feeling meh and that we should have taken more risks and traded up when we had the chance.

This isn’t the house I dreamed of when I was growing up and I can’t help kicking myself that we didn’t upsize areas and house when we had the time and possibly finances (and low interest rates!) to do so.

When I read other threads on here, it seems people just a couple of years older than me are downsizing. Meanwhile many friends have just finished wonderful renovations or have moved to lovely homes (thanks sadly to inheritances or rapid promotions).

We are probably now too old to upgrade, DC would be hit with IHT before long and that makes me feel a bit depressed.

There are no real excuses except that we waited too long, were vaguely satisfied and we skipped the small house stage to move straight to a medium sized house. We prioritised paying off a mortgage (STUPID move).

Pros of staying in our house:
We have always liked our area and street - super transport links, beautiful housing stock, nice neighbours, park within easy walking distance.
Prices are high as it’s London but for the size and proximity to Zone 1, they’re cheaper than comparable areas.
Easy commute for one DC school, just about bearable for other.
Commutable to potential workplaces.
Close to good areas.
Nothing bad structurally.
Nice period features.
No extra mortgage

Cons of staying put:
I’m bored of our house. We have lived here for the best part of 20 years! We could redecorate but don’t think this would fix the things that I want to change - more living space, wider footprint, bigger garden. Can’t extend further and not worth it.
No offstreet parking.
Slower capital growth as it is worth less than more ‘known’ areas.
Feels less safe than area I would want to move to.
If we ‘upsize’ value wise now, it might give us more options when we retire in a decade and can sell a more valuable property.
On the other hand, if AI continues to wipe out professional jobs and if governments continue to deter well off foreigners, there won’t be anyone to sell the more expensive house to.
DC will still be at home for 6-8 more years.

I have always eyed a more expensive area that isn’t as conveniently located but is more leafy.

I know we should count our blessings but I hate feeling like is this as good as it gets. It’s definitely a head over heart hormonal rant and I apologise in advance to those who can only dream of being homeowners in this messed up economy.

I will refrain from revealing location as it’s a bit outing. @highlandcoo That sounds really exciting! Does the house need much work? Have you already sold yours? I’m finding older more expensive houses that were snapped up within days are now lingering for a few months. Many previously off market properties are now on the portals. One that I had my eye on but can’t afford at £2.5m (!) was under offer but has just been recirculated by the agent… Perhaps you can haggle a bit if you are chain-free?

We have a typical double reception room with a door that can open up between the two rooms and then a large-ish kitchen diner which now feels small after seeing people’s monster kitchens with huge sofas/tables/islands. As all the living space is on one floor, it’s hard to see where older DC/teens will retreat to with their pals if we are also having people round.

Couple of questions- have you done the side-return and/ or extended as far as you can to the back? It’s a horrible and expensive job but it makes a huge amount of difference. My old house (in an area which sounds similar to yours) was like this and the side return had a huge effect.

In terms of teens, again our old house was very top-heavy, it had a big open plan living space downstairs but then 5 beds upstairs (4 double and 1 single). I had planned that if we stayed, I would have turned the upstairs front bedroom into an additional lounge/ study for home working in the day/ teen activities evenings and weekends. I even thought about partitioning it off so I had a small office and then a bigger snug (it went the width of the house and had a big bay window (for the snug) and a smaller side window (for the potential office)).

In the end we moved when my kids were between 5 and 10 (for schools but also because I actively wanted to live rurally) but the house could have accommodated us quite well and there were lots of people on my street who had kids who had left home and they had pretty fabulous lives because they weren’t stretching themselves.

I think in your position I would seriously sit down and look at your finances. Discuss with your partner and set yourself a really realistic budget and then you can work with that. Look at your current monthly spending and work out what mortgage you could afford. Think really realistically about where the balance lies and what sacrifices you would be prepared to make if you really want to move. Do you mind being under financial pressure for 5-10 years? Do you want to sell the rentals (TBH I would probably be getting market rents anyway)? What would you do if one of you was ill, a nightmare boss arrived, or got made redundant or your dream job came up but paid less? If you are both on board with a firm plan I’d go for it, but you need to be ruthless with the money side.

If you’re planning a renovation, needless to say take your first estimate of costs and double it.

I upgrade to my dream house aged 43. Single, no kids, big four bedroom house, perfect area, large(ish. - for a city) mature garden.

I don’t regret it for a second - although I do have less disposable income and the holidays have had to take a back seat for a few years.

do what makes you happy - as long as you can afford it and you know what the impact will be on your lifestyle.

Sounds idyllic @Bellyblueboy .

Yes we have done the side return @Heronwatcher . We probably could have gone out a tiny bit more - like 1m - to the side but did not want to entirely block out our neighbour’s light and we still have a wide enough corridor for wide raised flower beds and to store stuff down the side of the house. We probably should’ve maxed the space but it wouldn’t have made that much of a difference and it’s not worth redoing.

I am not working at capacity right now. I sort of need the ‘dream house’ scenario to motivate me or if not, some
other ‘dream goal’ to strive for. Anyone have any ideas? I guess a new house is a way of shaking things up without having to rethink careers or marriage 😅. During Covid and post Brexit, I’ve had quite a lot of friends who have moved house or more radically, countries. We on the other hand have stayed pretty static. The problem is the DCs are very happy in their schools and we would not move somewhere radically far away unless that changes.

@Cortisolina thanks for your answer. Yes, exciting I agree and, maybe like you, I feel the need to shake things up a bit at this stage in our lives.
The house seems pretty solid (we got an expert in restoring period houses to give it the once-over although not a full survey as yet; he is confident there isn't a damp problem thankfully) and the last owner rewired it, put in new bathrooms which are stil in good condition, a new boiler and radiators in keeping with the age of the property. So that's all good.
Externally, it does need some attention but the estimated cost is not too crazy. And I would want a new kitchen once I've lived in it for six months and got a feel for what layout would work best. That's not too daunting though.
Yes, we have good buyers, renting just now and ready to go so no chain.
My husband is someone who likes to haggle so there's a debate about the price to be had. I actually think it's realistically priced considering there are some external repairs to be done, so if we end up paying the asking price it wouldn't be a disaster.
I wonder if your £2.5m one might be up for discussion if it's come back on the market ... Good luck whatever you decide.

Similar position here, we are both 58 and have been in our house 25 years and it has been extensively remodelled and extended in that time and is mortgage free, it’s a really lovely house, but I am craving change as I’m just so bored, if we moved now we would like a bigger plot to house my husband’s extensive car and bike collection and a house of equal size, however to achieve that means spending approx an additional £200k just for the house, (not London prices!) let alone stamp duty and other fees, then on top of that all the houses need a huge amount of money renovating them, (80’s peach bathroom suites are all the rage still in my neck of the woods) and we all know how much renovations costs have absolutely sky rocketed, for us, as much as I want a new house it would be financial suicide and ruin any hope of early retirement. my husband is self employed and that financial stress would make him both physically and mentally ill so we are going to stay until we are ready for a complete change, rather than yet another “family house” we will look at properties such as a harbour view apartment or a little thatched cottage, even though that’s the current plan I do worry that one of us will die before we realise that move though, the thought of dying before I get chance to move from here freaks me out, sigh, I’ve really depressed myself now.

We upgraded at ages 60 my dh and age 53 me. Our kids were one aged 19 and two aged 16
We still have work to do on the house ( very old listed building ).
Hoping to finish in 18 months and then we’ll move to another ‘dream upgrade’.

( I should say we ‘ve been doing this for many years and moved a lot )

never say never

@DontWheeshtMe I'm guessing you're Scottish?

That's interesting. Do you do the work yourselves or do you have a bunch of people you really trust?

Upheaval, dust etc doesn't get me stressed; it's more making the right decisions and getting the right people to do a good job that's the issue with house improvements.

I'm quite practical, my husband not at all, so it falls to me to organise everything. I'll happily paint, put furniture together, make curtains, do simple stuff like replace sealant etc, but that's about it for DIY

I guess the more often you do it, the easier it gets?

No
Not Scottish

We do everything ourselves….except electrics.
We don’t have to pay anyone for permissions as we’re Architects so that’s a saving plus we have the knowledge base to avoid the scammers ( not all obviously )

Planning to cram in as many house styles as we can in our lifetime….😁

I think you were smart to pay off your mortgage. And I wouldn’t not move now because of your DC’s future inheritance tax! That could be - hopefully - 30 or 40 years away.

And DH and I are mid fifties and both lost a parent a couple of years ago. (Those parents were 80+.) We piled our inheritances into buying a gorgeous renovated cottage just found the corner from
where we lived before. It’s impractical, with steep staircases that will kill our knees in a few years. And we couldn’t be happier!

I was so stressed too, and almost didn’t. I’m so, so glad we did.

This.

We’re early 60s and are currently in the process of moving to a slightly bigger house than our last one. There’s only the two of us now but we both need our own space.
I find it seriously depressing when people talk about retiring and moving to a two bedroom bungalow in their mid 50s. Each to their own but Christ I think I’d give up!!

Go for it OP

Yes, round here the issue is getting good and reliable tradespeople. They all chase the money so all go for the big building jobs in the city centre - there are lots of new developments going up. No-one is interested in small domestic renovations. I assume if you had all the trades lined up and it was just a case of managing them it would be easy, but the builder that did our extension used some tradespeople that I didn't think were that good. (Brickies who went to the pub across the road for their lunch, and clearly came back half cut judging by the mess of some of their mortar on parts of the wall).

Surely it depends on the reason for that. If a couple want to do that because they will hardly be there for the early part of their retirement as they'll be doing a lot of travelling then how is that depressing or boring?! That gives you fmore reedom to me. To me it seems more boring to just put all your time and energy into a bigger house, which will only give you more space to maintain and keep clean over the years. It's just extra hassle in my eyes.

I'm a real home bird and love the feeling of home but I can't wait to have the freedom to travel whenever and wherever I want when I retire early. I'm really excited about planning for all that. The thought of just planning for booking tradespeople in and diggers and removal men makes me shudder. Been there, done that, want to travel now.

But yes, we are all different as you say, so horses for courses.

What I would say, OP, is be wary of assuming that your kids will need loads of space for their mates as teenagesr. I assumed that, and in the end they tended to go out to meet their mates, to play football, go to the city centre for food, cinema etc, as they found it more interesting than just being at home. Plus they are at a grammar where kids come from a wide area so everyone was travelling to a central place rather than to the suburb where we live. They are boys so online gaming was a thing, they liked socialising at home online IYSWIM. When they'd had enough of home they'd go out to meet their mates.

On the plus side regarding those stairs

Beware Bungalow Legs

Thank you for sharing that! The stairs have been an eyeopener - my kegs were killing ne the first few days. There are 2 flights in total and both are steep, and my thigh muscles didn’t know what had hit them.

I know this is an old post but so relevant for me right now that I thought I'd check in and see what you decided @Cortisolina ? Thanks!

@todayortomorrow Haven’t moved I’m afraid! DH does not want to give this government any more of ‘our’ money in stamp duty/or rumoured property tax. A few more properties are lingering but they’re still over priced. VAT on school fees has torpedoed any move unless it’s out of the UK (depending on whether they can further drive the economy onto the rocks). To be fair I also see there are wider issues at play plaguing all western economies: over priced assets eg housing soaking up too much of everyone’s income, inflation and poor wage growth plus a very ageing population and it seems zero appetite for skilled immigration. What are you considering?

@Cortisolina "I just think we made a financial mistake by not leveraging more when we could."

You only say this with the benefit of hindsight. If the economy had turned out differently, and there was another crash, you'd be saying "Thank goodness we were careful and didn't stretch ourselves too far, as we could have lost the house"

If any of us had a crystal ball, we'd all make different decisions. You took the decisions that you thought were best for you and your family at the time.

I do get it by the way, I am in a small 2 bedroom flat in London, whereas if I had stretched myself when I re-located here 15 years ago, I could be in a 3 bedroom house. But I was also self-employed and would have hated the stress of having to earn more to pay a bigger mortgage.

Recently I had an unexpected inheritance which meant I could either upsize and keep up with the Joneses, or stay where I am and be mortgage free. I chose being mortgage free and don't regret it one bit. I have retired very early and love it. Much better than having a bigger house with more cleaning and more maintenance and more to heat!

Yeah stamp duty makes it so unappealing - it's frustrating. We have 10 & 7 year olds and thinking of moving from £1.5ish nice house with tiny garden to £2.5m house 50% bigger and decent garden. I think we'd all benefit from the bigger house for the next decade+.

I do think London houses are expensive (we're in SW london) so wouldn't go up much in value. And my big fear is that we end up having to work & stressing over money when we could have retired early in current house.

I should say I’ve changed my mind since I started this thread. We are idiots not for not buying the biggest house we could in a ‘better’ area but in failing to invest in boring old index funds in a big way early on. We would probably have about £3m in funds by now if we had contributed a modest amount every month! I’m working out late in life that the reason the middle classes stay as salary slaves or never feel financially secure is that we keep up with the Jones’/up our lifestyle OR we save too hard rather than investing.
Wealthy people rarely have their house as their biggest asset. I say this as someone fortunate to own a house. And I’m grateful that we don’t have the stress of a massive mortgage in these times. How we fund the rest of our DCs’ education is a different worry!

I am a few years down ahead of you. Just dropped the youngest at uni - older 3 all now graduated.

I socialise much more differently now with our friends. The big kitchen dinner parties are much rarer and I see now they were an easy option to avoid babysitters etc.

Now we are out and about with friends socialising in different ways - sports (watching and competing), theatre, dinner out, day trips, hikes - weekends away in UK or Europe. None of us can be arsed with the stress of all the catering / domestic goddess / hosting stuff anymore.

I was exactly like you 5 years ago - stuck with school catchments, and their established extracurricular activities, school fees, uni-costs etc. I felt I was living here for everyone else and I had a scratch to itch. We ended up totally reworking our floor plan radically to suit us (cost a lot - won’t have added any £££ value) as a family of 6.

Then we bought a holiday home abroad to renovate and it’s been a brilliant experience for all the family and itched the scratch I needed at that time.

Not sure either were the optimum pure financial ROW - but they were the best emotional investments and decisions for our family.

We are now selling up the big family home and buying an apartment in zone 1 - so we can do more of the type of socialising we enjoy, spend more time at our holiday home and set the DCs up to buy their first homes. That’s probably a rubbish financial decision as well as flats in zone 1 have been stagnant since 2016 - but we don’t care - we want a specific retirement lifestyle.

Do you want to share your floor plan so that others can give you ideas about how you can achieve the wow entertainment space?

We moved in our 50s to a much bigger house, off road parking and, most importantly a garden. We are likely to move again at some point for a bigger garden as this one is proving to be too small!