Wanting to move after 4 weeks

[MumNo2]

We moved house 4 weeks ago. I gave birth 3 weeks ago. We wanted to move months ago but our hand was forced so we ended up moving much closer to due date than we wanted and with only a days notice. We bought the house thinking it was exactly what we wanted for our family- extra bedroom, office space, in the area we wanted with the potential for extension we wanted too. But when we moved in, we've just been hit with issue after issue because of the previous owners shoddy workmanship- from dodgy electrics to dodgy plumbing and single glazed windows. Now we live here, I have also realised how loud the outside car traffic and trains are- something we didn't have in the last house.

I want to move already. I'm worried me and the house started off on the wrong foot because of all the emergency issues and also bringing home a newborn to house that was unfamiliar, with boxes everywhere and tradesmen in fixing things. But objectively, walking around the house, I realise now that it doesn't really meet what we want as a family- the space is smaller (despite being a detached when our last was a semi), the work needed is more extensive than I thought and I'm not sure I will ever get used to the sounds. My husband still believes in the house and wants to do all the work we planned to, but I'm worried that it's a waste of time and money when I might never be happy here. Him and his family have worked tirelessly for the past 4 weeks on the house to get it all painted and decorated, but I just can't settle here and not sure I ever will be able to (the front room has the traffic sounds, and the back room has single glazed windows so it's freezing- there is no where that I can just be and rest).

Anyone else had a similar situation? What did you do? Did it work out?

I feel a lot of guilt about going through a very stressful conveyance (I literally have PTSD from it) to get the house, leaving our old home behind, with a newborn and Toddler in the mix. But I'm hoping someone will tell me it's such a short period of time in the grand scheme of their lives and our family life, and that this happens to people all the time? People moving into a house they thought was perfect and it's not and moving on- it's nothing to be ashamed of, right?

I think it’s a normal knee jerk reaction after moving. I felt it but I’ve settled now.

You’ve had a baby at the same time which makes it worse so give yourself time.

You've been through a number of incredibly stressful situations in a short space of time.

Give it time. Live with it for a bit. You might get to enjoy your home.

Or you might agree that it's best you make plans for a move in a few years. It would be madness to move again short term, you'll lose thousands.

Go back to your wish list when you first started house hunting. Driveway? Close to amenities? Good schools? Potential to extend? Big garden? Affordable? Does the house meet your priorities, even if it has other compromises?

Can you get double glazing in the back and concentrate on making that into a family room that you love? Double glazing will never be a bad investment, even if you decide to move eventually.

Give it time. I moved with a newborn and everything felt wrong and unsettling and I thought it was a huge mistake. Fast forward 12 years and we've done lots and built lots of amazing memories here so it has become a home that we love. We've outgrown it and are moving but I feel so sad to be leaving.

It has been a stressful time which makes me think I might always associate this house with that feeling, even if everything else was perfect.

I've tried to look back on why we bought the house but it's a short list in the end - extra bedroom we needed, it was within our budget and it had potential to extend. Now we're here, I realise just how little I actually like the house and how much work (and money) it would take to get it to a different standard and even then, I might never get over the noise.

I've considered double glazing but it's in the room that we would knock through to convert to an extension. So potentially it would be a waste of money to get new windows if we end up staying and extending.

I still remember the homesick feeling for my old house and community when we moved to our current house 40 years ago this summer.

Moving house and having a baby are listed as two of most stressful events in life. We moved from a semi to a detached house over a year ago. There are grieving processes us humans go through and the most obvious one is death of course however lifestyle changes are also part of this sense of loss too. I was really excited about moving into my detached house from my semi as I was looking forward to not hearing my neighbours anymore. However it didn’t prepare me for hearing my own family! I never heard them in my old house I was only ever disturbed by the neighbour’s noise! So I focused on the optimistic side that I would rather hear my own kids than other people’s teenagers😊. It is really stressful moving house and everything is such a mess for months. Furthermore you having a newborn won’t free up your time right now for unpacking and getting your home how you want it to. The day we moved in we didn’t realise how filthy and smelly is was as the previous owner had had 4 dogs living with them. It reeked and didnt feel like home until we had replaced the carpets and flooring which we couldn’t do immediately unfortunately. The colour of the walls were atrocious too, it just didn’t feel like home at all for over a year until we had completed the decorating and new flooring. We had to replace the bath too as it unbeknown to us, it had a hole in it and water leaked through the ceiling one night after my husband got out of the bath! I missed my old home, even the neighbours a little as it was my fear of the unknown, I even drove back looking at my old home and village quite often feeling wistful. However once our new home was looking how I envisaged and actually better than I thought it would, I absolutely love it. Things will settle down for you, give it time. The last thing you need right now is another house move. I was exhausted for months after mine due to the stress of it all. If you still find you feel the same way after 18 months, you can think about moving then. Focus on making your bedroom your haven for now. It will all come together eventually x

Please get some EMDR therepy for your PTSD. It makes a huge difference. I am so sorry that you have ended up so disabled by moving house. It must be awful especially if you have to look after a newborn at the same time. It also might be worth knowing that you might be eligible for pip if it is severely impacting you and that your partner might be able to take carers leave temporarily or apply for flexible working to support you if you are struggling to look after yourself.

Double glaze the back room, triple glaze the front room.

PTSD is diagnosed after 6 months of symptoms. Have you ACTUALLY been diagnosed?