How long did it take for your house to feel like home

[EEvermore]

We moved into our house in February 2024, so almost a year now. It’s a lovely house, 1910 Victorian era, and we have spent the last year renovating it (new bathroom, kitchen, replaster, carpets, paintwork, etc) to my exact specifications.

However that feeling of “home” still hasn’t sunk in.

The negatives of the property is that the location isn’t ideal (in a busy city area/main road) and we struggle for parking sometimes as it’s terraced. We were aware of these and compromised when buying for the bones of the house at an affordable price (the same house in quieter areas go for £100k+ more).

I just don’t feel settled most days. I feel on edge and already like I have one foot out the door waiting for the next thing.

Is this usual with a new(ish) home? Articles online say it takes about 6 months to feel comfortable, but I’m now double that and it doesn’t feel like this feeling is going away anytime soon.

Husband and I want to start a family soon too, and I think that is putting pressure on me to feel “settled”. Husband loves the house (he did most of the renovations) and doesn’t entertain any of these thoughts of mine.

Any opinions appreciated. And if I’m being ridiculous just say so!

We moved also in February last year, both in our early 60’s, children long since flown the coop. It’s only really just this past couple of weeks that we have finally said that maybe it wasn’t the biggest mistake of our lives after all…I cant put my finger on why it’s taken so long to feel like home, but it’s certainly been 11 months of mixed emotions for both of us.

I think during the year, telling folk that we’d made a mistake by moving, as opposed to pretending all in the garden was rosy helped. I definitely feel that things are getting better now, and I hope you too turn the corner soon.
Incidentally, we also had lots of work done to the house, and having so many contractors around didn’t help while we lived through it.

I bought my house 10 years ago… and still feel like this. My husband and kids love the house… I’ve come to accept that I never will. (For lots of reasons it’s not practical to move)

I have done tons to it and the feelings
sometimes quieten down… but they always resurface. However over time they have lessened and I can now look around me and say that it’s ‘home’

I can understand some of your worries and thoughts OP. DH and I bought a derelict property, which needed alot more work that yours- new roof to new flooring and everything in between. Completely overgrown garden- to the point we couldn't see the fences! For 2yrs, we lived in a tiny, static caravan in the garden.

We moved into the house 18mths ago, and although structurally, the major things are done- its the 'bits' that get me down. We were told to wait 12mths before choosing final paint colous incase of cracks etc. This has meant we haven't put up final fixtures such as curtains till after we paint. We still have things in crates/boxes because we haven't bought furniture for many rooms. We have bathroom cabinets not on walls- again due to the painting issue. Unfinished stairs that need either carpet or re-sanding, final lights for bedrooms and the stair well- not just a lightbulb hanging.

The one difference is that we love the area. Its quiet, we have birds in the garden, friendly, neighbours and a world away from our previous flat in central London. Nice neighbours there too- but very different.

OP- is it a nice area? Do you get on with the neighbours? Is it a good school catchment?

I've moved quite a lot. The first house we ever bought, when we were first married, I absolutely hated. I lived there for 3 years and I couldn't wait to get out of it/sell it.
Tbh there was nothing wrong with the house...in fact it was a nice house, good sized, nice area....I just never felt settled. It never felt right. I consider myself to have quite a good eye in interiors etc and it felt whatever I did to it, was never "quite right". Looking back I now realise where we just too young and we really really struggled for money ,so maybe life was just hard 😢 🤷‍♀️. I think realistically it was more I let my husband have far more say lol. He always loved the house more than I did, he let the things he wanted changed etc be a priority....I dunno he just always "felt" the house more than me.

But every.single.house. I have bought since, I've decided I'm the important one lol. I have to feel it when I walk in. I have to really want it. Because tbh that gut feeling has worked far better for me. I made sure I was never going to be in that "first " house situation again. So houses from then on in, have been all about me and how feel. I can get over most/all negatives because I love the house in the first place. And every house does have them.

In answer to your actual question about timings and feeling at home, I don't think anyone can tell you , it takes some people months, others years. My current house probably took me a year, and I probably cried that whole year as I left a house I was totally in love with. Now 9 years later I'm still here and love it.

Na when you know you know

my heart home first night I sobbed and thought what have I done. Took a week before I was in love

broke up, sold, brought alone similar house to yours wasn’t ever fully happy. Sold moved to my new house Jan 24, so much to do but I felt at home and happy and at peace almost instantly.

I don’t think the feeling will pass. Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear xx

So our first house was the 'practical choice'. It was much better value for money and was just fine. Nothing wrong with it, but I had no attachment to it.

When we move to our current house, I walked in the door and I just loved it. It was home. I can't explain why- but I've had the feeling of 'home' ever since. The house isn't anything amazing by any means, and needs a new bathroom, carpets etc, but it just felt right to me.

Now ironically my DH is kind of on the fence with the house, but I think for him the fact some work needs to be done just exhausts him after all the work he put into our old house. I don't think he has any major grumbles, just would rather have a picture perfect house (and a lottery win- but wouldn't we all!)

We’ve just moved from a house that felt like home immediately. But we needed to downsize, reduce costs and maintenance. The village our last house was in, was becoming overtaken by the nearest town, which isn’t pleasant. Our quiet street was rapidly developing into a rat run for the main road. It stopped feeling like home and in the end, I wasn’t sad to leave.

This one is t home yet, but it’s only been a couple of months and the weather is rubbish, so it’s more difficult to get out and about.

I moved into my new house in mid-September, and I would say it was only in the last week or two that I've really started to feel settled. So almost 4 months.
I think it was helped by the 2 week holiday over Christmas (I work in education), which was my first extended stay in the house without work since moving in.

I wouldn't say I was 100% there yet. I'm still acquiring furniture, as finances allow, as the new place is much bigger, but we're almost there with a new large sofa being delivered in early March.

With my favourite house and this one I just knew I would happy in them. This one needs alot of work but I love it.

My house between my favourite and this one I never got good vibes from. The house was fine it was just the neighbours. After 17 months I sold.

Thanks for your comments everyone, I can see it’s definitely a mixed bag with no definite answer!

As EG94 said - when you know you know. And that’s really how I feel. I can’t see myself ever being 100% invested in this house, which is a really sad realisation after we have put so much labour, time and money into it.

Upon reflection, I think a lot of the problem stems from living in the city and being located on a busy road, it’s never truly calm or tranquil here. It’s funny how I didn’t think of this being an issue when we bought the house though, and I would have sworn 12-16 months ago that I was city girl through and through, loving the hustle and bustle. However that feeling has changed in such a short amount of time! Maybe it because we are now looking to start a family, which wasn’t on the radar 1-2 years ago.

Dont get me wrong, it’s a beautiful house and I know I am very lucky to have such a lovely and personalised interior, and because of that I know we’ll need to stay here for at least 5 years to do the work justice.

I guess I am just disappointed that this is the end result feeling (and espically with being at odds with my husband over this).

I never feel settled. I always think the grass is greener. Then we move and I look back at the old house and wonder why I just couldn’t have been happy there!

I think it’s down to the individual and nothing to do with the house. Some people are naturally content and make the most of what they have, others (like me!) are always looking for a better option. I really wish I wasn’t like this! We’re on our fourth ‘forever’ home.

I think a year is way too soon to expect to feel settled, especially as most of that year must have been renovating. We bought this place in December 2020, gutted, knocked down and rebuilt bits, and aren’t finished yet, and I’m certainly not settled. It’s not a problem, particularly. I just recognise that I need time to reclaim it from the builders.

I loved our 1st home from the start which was dated but it was a very sunny, very convenient house that was really well thought out in how it all worked. It too small for us when we had our 2nd kid and I was sad when we moved out after 4 years. We had people walking past all the time and I didn't mind being close to the city.

We've been in our current house for 18 months. I don't love it (boring 60s blank canvas house that needs a lot of conveniences added to it) but I think I may be getting there. I like to add my own touches and I've been limited by time and funds with small kids but I'm beginning to feel I've done a bit. We planted some flowers and trees and oddly we just buried my old dog out back which has made me feel more connected to the place. I think another 12 months and I might like it more.

I’ve moved a few times and always settled well mainly because we always decorated everywhere straight away to my taste. The last move was to a lovely big house which we needed space wise but was so dirty and noisy neighbours and we’d left an immaculate home we both hated it - eventually it took 4 years before I liked it and have been here for years and years now! So please don’t give up there’s plenty of time to settle in

I don't know. My first house probably a year or two. It felt like home and loads of good memories but the energy was neutral really.

My second house the moment we moved in. Even though it was a shell and we are still living in building work 3 years later. It just has a happy energy and the house has a peace and paradoxically a vigour to it. It's actually a rougher area but I always felt safer here from day 1. It feels like there's protectors here and it's blessed. I can't explain it but very lucky to live here.

I think it’s down to the individual and nothing to do with the house.

I agree (unless the house is really wrong).

It takes me around 3 days to feel settled anywhere. New house, hotel, tent in a field, train compartment - doesn't matter; if I've been there 3 days I automatically call it home, and that's what it feels like.

It might take another decade to finish decorating and unpacking, but it's home immediately.

I’m a city girl too but I wouldn’t want to live on a busy road so I think you have identified the issue. However, the busy road was what probably made the house affordable when you bought it, along with the condition.

The condition has been much improved now, though that in itself will have been very stressful which will have been a further issue to you bonding with the house. I think you will grow to like your house as you settle in a bit more/live there without renovations going on - but you may never love it. I’ve had a house like that in the past & I did grow to appreciate that it was a sensible decision to buy it. However, I didn’t want to stay there forever as I wanted to buy somewhere eventually that I had more of an emotional connection to.

Loved my house from day one.

"I think it is down to the individual and nothing to do with the house. "

This may be true but the thing is an individual is buying the house and it is important to feel well in the house that they buy. Feelings matter , but they do change sometimes with time. Of course this is a subjective question but other people's experience can be helpful. I hope the OP will gradually feel at home in their new surroundings.

Previous house, over 20 years and never felt like home. This house, immediately.

We didn’t like our house much when we first brought it as it was probate and left very dated, with urine smelling carpets and not cleaned properly by the vendor. We brought it for the area as there wasn’t much on at the time. We did some work over two years and I would say about a year after we finished the work it really felt like home.

I’m the same as pps. Have never felt quite settled in current house. It’s been 4 years. You’re not alone. I try and look at the positives as there are many and we are very lucky to live here (rationally) but my heart just sometimes says it’s not quite right. You’ll be ok and you may settle. We are considering putting on the market when we hit the five year mark xx

“I’ve had a house like that in the past & I did grow to appreciate that it was a sensible decision to buy it. However, I didn’t want to stay there forever as I wanted to buy somewhere eventually that I had more of an emotional connection to.”

This!!! Thank you this is so comforting to hear.

I'm similar. Spent a year doing renos and its really nice. But....it still faces a road, that I thought was quietish, but turns out is a rat-run. If I could pick up this place and move it to quieter area I'd be thrilled. I'll probably end up moving next year sadly, as I don't think it will ever feel right.

I downsized November 2002.
Still not settled.
It looks wonderful but it's overlooked more than I realised and west facing a small garden surrounded by trees in other people's gardens so not a great deal of sunlight either 😢😢
I just lost my shit and offered as there's a side extension with a huge modern kitchen with the island and velux windows, I can only see looking up is houses and treeeees. Not the sunlit shadows and sunrises and skies I'd imagined.
I'll be moving again in the near future. Nobody to blame but myself.