Sad and stressed about moving

[Novablue222]

Any reassurance would be gratefully received!

We bought our house 5 years ago with the plan that it was our dream forever home. Since then we’ve gone through so many stresses both due to the house and the surrounding area (nightmare neighbours and dog attacks/ poor primary school plus bullying/ terrible local builders etc) that we decided 18 months ago that we were going to finish the final fixes and sell it.

The drive to do this was a combination of being fed up with the house (it needed a lot more work than planned), a terrible builder who we had to sue, terrible secondary school and the need to be nearer parents. Plus I had to abruptly change jobs at the beginning of the year (out of my control) and the feeling of jeapardise of potentially being unemployed was an eye opener.

We were very positive about this until now when we’re weeks away from exchanging and none of us want to leave. We’re all feeling very sad about it .

The house we’ve had the offer accepted on isn’t our dream home (it’s very nice, has almost everything we want but isn’t quite in the surroundings we thought we’d end up in). It’s in the catchment of a great secondary, it’s £100k less than we’re selling ours for, we’re much closer to grandparents, still rural but closer to cities.

If we stayed here the kids would likely have to go to a terrible secondary, the mortgage is due to go up £500 per month in June (we can afford but don’t want to have to pay it), and the house will likely need more work soon which could be expensive.

Our friends don’t want us to leave but most understand why we’re doing it. I’m just so sad about pulling the kids out of their lives and getting them to start again.

Our buyers are also being very pushy which is adding to the stress.

Is it normal to feel like this? How do I reassure the kids when I’m so sad about moving?

Yes it's normal. You will feel better when it's all done and dusty. Not having the extra worry over your head will be better. Are there things kids can help choose for their new rooms- either paint or bedding or curtains which goes with the existing colour scheme. Also nice walks near your new house if it's a village. Having primary age kids helps to settle in as can get to know others via school.

Feeling in the same boat. My Mortgage deal is up next October and at the current rate it's going to go up by £500 a month too. I'm on my own in a 4 bed, I know I don't need the space as it's just me and the dog, my DD has moved into her own place now. I can't really afford to do anything other than pay the mortgage and scrape by as it currently goes so a hike in mortgage cost is just not doable, and downsizing would enable me to at least go on holiday once a year. Mind you I can I can't afford to stay in this area which I really like, and i'm downsizing to be near my elderly mother and it's an area I don't really like. I'm really sad too. Financially invested in the move now so i can't back out unless I win the lottery.

You have pointed out strong reasons for a move so its sound like you are doing the right thing, emotionally I think we feel tied, but our brains are wired to keep us safe and the unknown to the brain equals risk. I think you are making the logical choice 😊

The reasons for the move are strong, and the new house sounds great. Dog attacks, bullying and rubbish secondary school? Versus nearer to family, less risk if one of you loses a job, closer to town for when kids are older. All good.

Totally normal

You're mourning the loss of the house you thought you were moving into 5years ago

Things will work out - they have a funny habit of doing so

@Halfemptyhalfling thank you. Yes, the kids have been told they can help choose their colours and new accessories for their rooms.m and we’ll take them on a shopping trip when we’ve moved to get everything.

One of the compromises of the new house is that one of the kids’ bedrooms is a bit small (2.4x3.4m) which has wracked me with guilt as they currently have big rooms and I worry about how they’ll cope when they get older.

They’re both primary age currently and make friends easily (part of the wrench of moving as they both have close friendships) so I hope they’ll settle in once at school.

@Notadream sorry to hear what you’re going through. Have you found a house to move to?

I keep going through waves of feeling more positive and just wanting to get the move over with, to feeling so sad and like I’m in mourning for the life we bought we would have here.

The buyers are being incredibly pushy which is adding to the stress. We still have the house survey to be done next week, lender paperwork to complete, movers to arrange, lofts to clear out and we need to visit and apply for schools and they’re pushing us to complete before the end of January! For context we only had our offer accepted 2 months ago. Our EA isn’t helping and is piling on the pressure. This week the EA was questioning why we’re having a survey done and gave us warnings that the buyers may drop out if we don’t complete soon. I know we’re technically not but I keep getting the feeling that we’re being turfed out of our home.

We’re also moving from quite a grand house to a fairly normal one and I feel a bit embarrassed about the downgrade. All very superficial and I keep trying to pull myself together.

You need to reframe your thoughts,OP.

‘we are moving to a much better area’

’our buyers are really keen, in this climate we have been very lucky, people are dropping out all over’

‘I can’t wait to get into our new house, we are all thrilled at the opportunity ‘.

Sell it to yourself ( and crack on with the paperwork, boring and annoying but necessary). This time next year you will have forgotten all the hassle and just be glad you moved.

Good luck, be Happy!

As often with grief - you seem not do much sad about leaving this house as leaving your initial dream of what it would be like.
It will be sad to say goodbye to friends but nowadays it's much easier to keep in touch. Two of my children reconnected when older with friends from Primary school even though they'd moved on to different schools.

It really does sound like a positive move. And certainly some teenagers need much less room than some younger children, so that might work for you.
ANC a safer area with good schools is incredibly valuable.

We've just moved from what was going to be our forever dream home, due to changes in circs and issues similar to yours. It is a type of loss, and we're all allowing ourselves to feel that sadness, but we know it was the right decision for us and that this feeling will pass. Onwards and upwards.

It is really sad to move home, I'm selling mine and buying another and I'm hoping for exchange/completion in January and even though I'm keen to move it's still sad to leave a home I've had so many memories in.

Think it's best to focus on the reasons you do want to move rather than the reasons you'll miss the current home.