Buying a house stress and anxiety!

[LauralovesTKD]

Hello!

Im almost through the first time buying process with my husband. The stress and anxiety of it all is absolutely wrecking me. My anxiety is all over the place, I feel like in my gut, and I've had gut issues in the past which puts me in a catch22!

This is more stressful than wedding planning! Been going on since September when mother in law started to pressure us, which I don't mind.

I hate everything being out of my control. My husband is just so chill about it.

How did you all cope? I need to feel like I'm not going nuts 😕 this really is the most stressful thing ever! 🙃

Just take it one thing at a time. Just keep doing the next thing.

I did the first time buyer thing between January and September this year. I'm now safely installed in my lovely house!

I found there were periods of frantic stress, and then long stretches of absolutely nothing happening!

Accept that it is all in the lap of the Gods and nothing you can do will make it better or worse.

I'm feeling very similar.
Offered end of July, just completed mid-Nov.
Now stuck with both house and rented flat till Jan as we've struggled to find childcare, had to make christmas arrangements before we were given exchange/completion dates etc.

Currently looking at everything dumped in the new house and all the mess at the flat wondering how it will ever be sorted.
Doubting our choice over house in the first place as it is filthy, needs more work than we thought and is smaller than we remembered.

But...other pressures meant we had limited choice and a need to buy.

Good luck...we will get there.

Yes exactly this. No point stressing about it. Let matters take their course. If it all works out then great. If something goes wrong, then there will be another house.

If you think it’s stressful as a first time buyer OP, just wait until you are buying and selling at the same time!

I'm currently selling my house and buying another. Accepted an offer on my property and had an offer accepted on my onward purchase just before Halloween. It is so stressful and I've said I won't believe it's actually happening until I'm in the new property and the door is locked behind me 😂

We completed at 3pm Wednesday and moved on Thursday. Process took 4 months due to fuckwit solicitors up and down the chain. Mine was fab. Oh and my adult ds took his own.life 10 weeks ago.....
But we love our house!!!

We bought this year and I cannot believe the amount of stress it was! You are completely out of control, there’s lots of emotions between parties going around, you have no clear insight into dates etc. so you can plan movers, time off etc. It’s unbelievable I think.

And all this alongside a full time job in most cases.

Doesn’t help when one is super chill and the other is doing all the stressing and leg work to get things done either!

Just know that you are not alone, house buying in this country is very stressful and there’s a lot of people who feel the stress of it, it’s completely normal and it does end when you exchange and there’s a moving date!

I’m very sorry to hear about your loss.

I'm going nuts too. I was last in chain to find a house, found it in June and we now seem to be no further forward due to incompetent solicitors with my buyers. It's taken six months and I'm getting the feeling the chain will collapse in the next couple of weeks as myself and others have been ready since September! Wish I could sue those twats.

Yes it’s stressful as there so much money exchanged and needed.

but you have to pace you’re self. Once you have your home you’ll be very happy.

1 accept that it’s an inherently stressful process

2 do all you can to make it go smoothly, keep on good terms with everyone, but remember that you can’t control others or the process

3 take it one day at a time

4 use whatever support you have available to help with your anxiety issues - eg Nerva app for gut problems, self-help books, guided meditation for accepting uncertainty or letting go of worries

5 take good care of yourself during the process, for example maintaining your hobbies, getting enough exercise, etc

6 remember that whatever the outcome, you’ll handle it

Fully empathise with you Op. I am buying and selling and since the process kicked off many months ago my sleep quality has been poor, I'm so tired and whenever I think about the process I feel very stressed. The lack of control e.g. other parties is very difficult to come to terms with. My husband is v chill about the whole thing and I envy him for this and cannot comprehend how he can be so relaxed! I hope it gets better for you ASAP!!

It's the worst thing I've ever chosen to do. However, I do love my house so much it was totally worth it!

It took us 3 years this time around on and off for various reasons. It is very stressful, you just have to go with it and an accept it is what it is .

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Lots of good advice on this thread. I empathise as we are currently waiting for the bottom of the chain to be ready to exchange. I'm a control freak so having limited sight of the people either side of us in the chain, and no sight of the bottom is hard. I keep trying to put myself in their shoes to rationalise why they have taken so much longer to be ready than we have. It doesn't help that the whole process is archaic and operates very differently to how any modern business transaction would. The usual levers of influence and getting everyone on a Teams call to bash through the outstanding issues don't apply here 😓. Basically, an item goes up the chain and down the chain at a snail's pace and then another item goes up the chain and down the chain and so on and so forth.

One of the ways I've kept myself sane is by having a spreadsheet. In it, I've outlined all the 'jobs to be done' with current status. I even added seemingly small items, because if you can tick something off, it makes you feel as though there's something you can do to progress the situation and gives you a sense of control. Even if it's just a bit of decluttering or getting a quote for removals. Also, in the spreadsheet I have a line for each transaction in the chain and add any detail I get by way of update. So if I find out that our buyers have their mortgage in place, I note that down; if the bottom of the chain has had their searches back, I note that. I also detail the number of weeks since offer acceptance and the date of the last comms from my estate agent or solicitor. That way, I know when it's appropriate to chase for an update. Early in the process, updates might be once a week. But as we should now be very close to exchange, I'm badgering every couple of days. The spreadsheet also contains tabs for fridge / freezer and curtain research. So, there's always something that can be updated in the spreadsheet that makes me feel like I'm doing something.

Oh so sorry to hear this about your son.

What you make the process better? Apart from the obvious (quicker, less stressful) what real-life things could the stakeholders do to make it better for buyers and sellers?

Get rid of chains as in ?Australia. If you haven’t sold your house before buying another one at am the agreed date, you take out bridging finance.

Awful and expensive for you but the pain shouldn’t affect the others up the chain.