Hiw important is it to live near your child's school? (Secondary)

[User860131]

We're househunting currently. My child will be in secondary school in a couple of years. For reasons I won't go into we have first choice of secondary schools and catchment isn't an issue. The secondary school that she and her friends will more than likely want to go to is in a suburban area of a large city. It is fineish but it's getting more and more rough and I can only see this worsening as poverty increases. However it also does have a thriving town centre and a nice community feel and she'd be able to walk to school.

After looking at houses in the area though I'm kindof feeling like it's way overinflated. I much more fancy an area that's much more rural. It's only 3 miles from her proposed secondary but no bus routes and not in the school catchment.

I've talked to dh and we've accepted that if we go for the rural area we have to own that choice and accept being dd's taxi service for a few years. Can people share their own experiences though? Will my dd miss out by living a bit away from the main action? Thanks

I don't have experience of this yet but I think for your kids to be able to get to and from school independently is huge at that age. Even if cycling, biking, walking was possible - but to not have to pick up the phone to you for a lift every single day would be a game changer.

We're starting secondary next year and are only applying for those that my dd can get to and from herself.

I was the child in this situation and hated it. Had to rely on parents to get anywhere and don't think they particularly enjoyed it either.

I would not isolate my child from her peers at that age if there was another option

We were in the position of being a priority for schools too.

I think there is quite a lot to be said for a teen being able to get themselves to school / shops by themselves, it helps with growing up, independence etc.

Would it be safe to cycle?

It's very important I would say. Your child will want to have the independence to walk with her friends and meet her friends locally herself.

Also, if your DC has any difficulty in making friends then living somewhere isolated won't help.

I think you'd need not to be working for that to be realistic. DD travels to school but we live in a town and there are regular buses, and even that means we are taking her to parties and picking her up at the weekends. What happens if she wants to stay late and see friends after school? Or head into town on a Saturday?

I don't think any teenager has ever thanked their family for moving to a more rural location, to be honest.

Yeah sounds pretty awful for a teen to live rurally cut off without public transport. Is there really no middle ground? A town with a bus route?
I bet you will get tired quickly of being a taxi for 7 years for up to 7 days a week. Or do you expect her to sit at home all weekend when she is 16/17/18?

We were in this situation. Both our girls hated being cut off from friends and having to rely and ask for lifts everywhere. One of the things they always said to me was they wished we lived closer to everyone else and certainly where they were able to walk to be with friends and 'part of the action'.

Also I know you mention that you will be their taxi service, as were we, I have to admit its bloody annoying. And its something that got more and more frequent the older they got!! Not that we would ever have said no, because it was our choice to move where we did. But the reality of running them 'here, there and everywhere' was tiresome to say the least.

I urge you to think seriously about this. I think your kids will hate it, and in time, so will you.

We live in a suburb/town and DD went to the next village away school, which was the feeder from her primary. 95% of people lived in the village and outsiders were hated. So not only was I DD taxi service, we were complete outcasts too.

Being able to travel independently can be quite important. They will be doing the journey for 5/7 years.

Distance itself can be flexible. Obviously you don't want too long a commute.

It's more than a few years though. Every day twice a day is two thousand times isn't it?

40 weeks a year, five years twice a day.

I too think it’s pretty important, especially if you have a choice.

Kids like walking to and from school together, there’s a lot of social interaction. The main reason we have not moved from our current area despite really wanting to, is that DC can walk to school/friends so is not dependent on us (except if there is the slightest drop of rain!), friends are nearby for hanging out in each others houses after school, on weekends and on holidays etc. It’s quite important to have that close connection.

I think it’s very important. There’s a lot to be said for the spontaneous plan - going for a coke after school etc - and if you have already set off for the school run, DD will feel she can’t do this.

DH grew up with a setup like this and hated it.

Totally agree with this. Add in the constant wanting to go out and meet with friends when they are 15/16/17/18 years old, and needing to be ferried back and forth, sometimes late at night. Its laborious. I know, I did it, with 2 teenage girls for many years!! That is ALOT of 'taxi rides' 😳

If possible, it is good if they can take themselves to or from schools themselves. We are a 5 mins walk (not planned) and it works very well.

I think it's important for a teen to be able to make their own way independently.
If there are no buses, is it cyclable?

You may state confidently that you are prepared to be her taxi service for a few years, but how will that work in practice? Will you be prepared to always drop everything and go out when she wants? What about school holidays (do you both work?). When she gets to the age of wanting to go out in the evening, are you prepared to go and pick up no matter what time, or are there taxis that drive out to where you are (often taxis won't do these routes)? When she gets to the age of wanting a part time job, will you be able to ferry her to and from that as well as school?

Will her friends come and visit her if they can't get there without a lift? If they won't, then that's twice the driving for you, as you can't share it with someone else.

If the rural area is not in catchment then it carries another disadvantage of none of her friends living nearby, even rural ones.
If the school is desirable, people may well ask how she got in, so be prepared for that if isn't something you want to talk about.

I might have thought it would be ok when DC was 11/12 but now at 14 it's so great that he can get himself about. Even just learning about buses, planning cycling and walking routes is good for them rather than being dropped everywhere by parents.

Proximity is huge for me. DS's friendship group all split up to go to different secondaries. We let DS have the final say between two offered places, and he chose the one we can almost see from our front door, and we're glad, as his friends all have much longer school days which involve parental liftshares or waiting for unreliable bus services.

It's important.
The route to secondary school for us is walkable in 30 mins if taking a route that follows a river (but not the alternative main roads forming 2 sides of a triangle - whether bus, with 1 change, or car, it is much longer because of very bad traffic).
The river route is busy with pupils going in both directions at school times and is generally lovely in terms of dog walking etc., not isolated.
However - the down sides are that it floods; and there are dodgy characters (pupils themselves, mainly) that hang about sometimes under the bridges. Helicopters looking for missing people etc have been known to keep scanning up and down over this area which hasn't led to DC feeling better about it. It's ok maybe 75 percent of the time but a few years in, anxiety about independence for there-and-back is generally increasing, not decreasing, and it has a bit of a knock-on effect for other kinds of local journey.

My dd is in a play next week. Tonight is the dress rehearsal.

This morning I took her to school (twenty minutes away).

At 4pm picked her up dropped her off again at 6pm and I'm collecting her at 8.45pm.

For me
20+20+20+20+20+20+20+20=2 hours and 40 minutes.

And I'll be doing that three more times next week.

We chose to send our kids to the local school so that their friends all lived close by. We recognised that the school had problems, so we filled some of the gaps at home (music lessons, extra sports etc) and I became a governor. The kids are grown up now, but they all agree that it worked for them because they were fully rooted in one local community. The son who still lives and works there gets most of his business from old school friends and their recommendations.

Oh grief yes - the play rehearsals!
And also similar for music / sport as well.
So much driving to and fro.

And the danger of being at a school where most people do live close by is that the school will throw things in at a moment's notice as they don't expect students to have transport issues.

I lived in the next town from
my secondary school - none of
my friends lived nearby or even caught the same bus as me, and it was a real pain to go round to friends’ houses after school or at the weekend. DS’s school will be within walking distance of our house.