Just bought my first house but feel so unhappy

[newchapternewlife]

I'm prepared to get some backlash on this thread, but I can't speak to family or friends as they'll probably think I'm ungrateful. I'm certain that my mum already does.

I've just bought my first house as a solo buyer. It's taken me around 4 years to finally get on the property ladder. 2 failed attempts (1st I pulled out for various reasons and 2nd turned out to be unmortgageable so I couldn't proceed). I've been renting for the last 7 years and I'm still living in my rental as I'm having some work done on the new house. I should hopefully be moving in the next couple of weeks.

I just feel so unhappy but I have no idea why. I still love the house/area and every time I visit I feel happy so I don't think it's necessarily buyers remorse or anything to do with the house itself. If I'm honest it consumed my life for few years and I was obsessed with getting on the property ladder but now I just feel underwhelmed. Everything costs a fortune and I've also uncovered a few botched jobs by the seller that the surveyor hadn't spotted. Nothing
major but it's just an extra expense on top of everything else. I'm not very good at DIY so haven't been able to save any money by doing things myself either. I'm trying to juggle everything on my own (sorting out all the bills, arranging removal vans etc, making decisions about the house/any repairs) whilst working full time and I don't have a partner to talk to or help with the decision making.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting from this thread tbh. I know how lucky I am to be able to even buy a house but I just feel so down about it all and I can't believe how unhappy I am after waiting so long to finally buy a property. It's just not what I expected at all.

First, congrats!!
You sound a bit tired and overwhelmed which is understandable - I think once the dust settles you'll feel a lot better. It takes time to warm to a new home

I think this is quite normal. You have this idea in your head of a wonderful home of your own and then the reality doesn't quite match up. Could you have a goal in mind e.g. a summer party and work towards getting ready for this? Maybe a smaller goal of getting your bedroom or living room ready, maybe with decorations up, so you have one cosy room to spend time in?

It's considered one of the most stressful life events for a reason. Cut yourself some slack.

And use this time to practice your decorating skills!

This is like when you get married, have a wonderful day- and have exactly the same relationship you did beforehand and still moan about the washing up!

Buying houses and doing everything yourself is exhausting and stressful. The peace will come from not living on tenterhooks waiting to lose your rental, or having to find another rental at today's prices with 100's chasing every flat going.

It's a long-term peace of mind, with a lot of short-term hassle.

I would tell friends or family, just say you are a bit tired and overwhelmed, they may be sympathetic.

It’s a big change. Change is ALWAYS hard, even when it’s good.

What does 'home' mean to you Op?

Once the work is complete and you move in you I’ll feel different.

So far your new home has just meant extra responsibility and work. Extra bills too. You’re still paying for rental and there must be lots of admin. One day very soon you’ll give up the rental, get in to your new home and I think the happiness will come. Hang on in there!

I once read an article on life's biggest stresses.

Moving house was in the top 5 after bereavement and alongside divorce.

It's totally fine to few underwhelmed. It isn't really. It's that slump when you've been so busy for so long and you finally stop.

Give yourself a break - maybe plan a house warming gathering (bonus if it'll be Xmas time, decs are up and you can have minced pies and mulled wine!)

It happens. You eagerly anticipate an event, convincing yourself it will bring happiness. Then the moment arrives, and you realise life is far more than that single event.

It's really normal, and it's impossible for a survey to find everything. You always find things like a rotton floor where the dishwasher has been leaking, or where a seller has painted over a damp chimney breast to hide it, or countless other things that are a normal level of pain in the ass. This feeling will settle.

This is yhe best analogy imo! When you get married it's always helpful to focus on the marriage and not the wedding. This is the same.

Not a huge amount really changes when you buy...but there is the potential (with some work) to make it a beautiful, lasting thing.

I've known a lot of people to get post-purchaee blues and post-wedding blues. It's so stressful in the run up and you are really looking forward to it and then it's over. Focus in ways to help your life in your new house fabulous.

This too shall pass, OP, especially as it doesn't seem like a case of buyer's regret.

I understand @newchapternewlife. I bought my first home 5 years ago. I was soooooo excited but like you found a ton of botched jobs from the seller.

It really takes the shine off it doesn't it!

It will feel better once you are in and can make it properly yours. It might take a few months to find your feet but you will get there!!

I've moved a lot and I always feel like this. It's because you have been focusing on a goal and now you have reached it. I felt like it after my wedding too even though I was glad it was over.

I feel exactly like you OP.
Got keys for our first home a couple of weeks ago. Still in rental to Jan as logistics mean we can't move straight away.
So many botched DIY jobs we didn't notice and we have no time and little money to fix before we move our stuff in.
Feeling totally overwhelmed and emotional (had a few tears scrubbing the walls today!)

Good luck. I'm sure it will be a happy home soon.

When we moved into our first family house together 13 years ago, it felt dirty and dated and some of the DIY was botched and dangerous. It took a while but we have exorcised the previous owner and made the house our own. Spend time cleaning, painting, gardening and socialising in your new place and it will soon feel like home.

When my husband and I bought our home he got to it first on the day we moved in and called me at work to say 'take off your rose tinted glasses about the house and stamp on them'. I didn't know what he meant until I got the the house, without the owners stuff in it looked so much worse. It took a while but we are still in the same home and love it. I think it just times time to get things sorted and to make it your own.

Totally get it.. When we bought our first house a few years back I felt truly miserable and just sat and cried. In the end I spoke to a doctor because it was really getting to me and she explained it's very normal, I think with the stress/excitement building up to it you sometimes hit a bit of a wall after.

Hope you feel better soon x

Oh bless you - I hope this feeling passes quickly. I had exactly the same - a long time ago - it was an almost overwhelming feeling of ‘what have I done?’ / ‘is this it?!’ but it passed as all feelings do. Then strangely I had it years later when I had my kitchen done (by MFI 🙄 = stressful) when I burst into tears when it was all done 🤷🏼‍♀️ even though I was happy with it. I remember thinking ‘who have I done this for?!’ (I’m single). Hope you feel ok soon x

Op - I am an actuary. To qualify as an actuary it takes years of taking exams twice a year with horribly low pass marks. It completely takes over your life and is really quite miserable.

About a week after I qualified I stubbed my toe. Really rather badly. As I hopped around the living room swearing I realised that the main thing I felt was indignant. I had spent over 4 years doing all those exams and deep down I had genuinely believed that post qualification my life would be perfect. Except my toe still really really hurt! How could that possibly be?!?

It seems that achieving the thing you really want does not make your life perfect. Annoying hassles are still annoying hassles. And stubbed toes still really hurt.

I think that we invest so much time and thought on 'anticipation' of various life events, moving home, weddings ,, Xmas, even holidays and babies in some cases that the reality can often be a bit underwhelming or even disappointing when you realise this 'thing' you have been building up to doesn't change every other aspect in your life for the better - in fact can bring a new set of issues and challenges