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Original poster

Anxiety over exchanging contracts and moving house.

15 replies

Zara290 · 26/09/2024 18:58

We are a week away from completing on a house purchase and I'm sick with worry if we are doing the right thing.

It's been abit of a dream to buy a rural fixer upper and at the beginning of the year we decided to take the leap and do it. Found somewhere we really liked and put our house on the market. It's an hour away from where we currently live and has a number of problems but we could see past it all.

Problem is I have teenagers still in school, one doing Alevels and the other doing GCSE's who will need to do a 1 hour journey to school and back everyday as understandably they do not want to move school with just a few months left. I'm just feeling overwhelmingly guilty that I'm doing this to them and taking them out into the countryside, to a very old fashioned house, away from their friends and limiting their opportunities.

I could literally be sick right now I feel so so guilty.

OP posts:
FrauPaige · 26/09/2024 19:24

Yikes - it's a bit late in the day for cold feet.! You do realise that if you pull out now, you will lose your deposit? Have you already told the kids? Are they onboard with the idea?

Imisscoffee2021 · 26/09/2024 19:25

Hey, I understand your feelings because you want what's best for your kids. In a few short years they will off doing their own thing, knowing they have a home to return to if they need. Me and my sister kicked up a huge fuss when we were 15 and 13 respectively when my mum and stepdad found a fixer upper by the sea, we'd still have gone to the same school albeit a different way if getting there and we just made such a fuss that my mum pulled out. I was happy at the time but I am now 36 and feel horrendously guilty, and have done since I was about 18 or 19 and understood (about when i moved to opposite end of the country for uni so wouldnt have been in the house much amyway). The area they lived and still live is not great and getting worse and theyre stuck there now. They must have been serious to have told us the plan, they must have put alot of thought into it and maybe even had surveys done or put an offer in. I feel sick now thinking about it 😪 just follow your dream and try and make their journey as easy as possible, enjoy your new home :)

HotSource · 26/09/2024 20:05

Have you exchanged OP?

Personally I would not do this in the GCSE and A level years. In addition to the factors you have mentioned how much of a doer upper? Will there be building works / big noisy dusty refurb going on as they study at home.

If you have not exchanged I would pull out. Not great but it isn’t a done deal until it is a done deal. The dream will still be there in a few years.

If you have exchanged throw yourselves into it, make the very best of it, do every thing you can to also support your D.C. to do the best they can do and be as happy as possible.

Gamergirl86 · 26/09/2024 20:36

Surely the DC were still due to take a levels and gcses when you viewed the house, and when you made the offer and when you ordered searches and when you agreed a completion date? Why on earth would you leave it till now to panic about it?

Haggia · 26/09/2024 20:39

HotSource · 26/09/2024 20:05

Have you exchanged OP?

Personally I would not do this in the GCSE and A level years. In addition to the factors you have mentioned how much of a doer upper? Will there be building works / big noisy dusty refurb going on as they study at home.

If you have not exchanged I would pull out. Not great but it isn’t a done deal until it is a done deal. The dream will still be there in a few years.

If you have exchanged throw yourselves into it, make the very best of it, do every thing you can to also support your D.C. to do the best they can do and be as happy as possible.

Inclined to agree with this - but how do the kids feel about the move OP?

ProbablyNotNo · 26/09/2024 20:42

@FrauPaige how would she loose her deposit?

FrauPaige · 26/09/2024 21:29

ProbablyNotNo · 26/09/2024 20:42

@FrauPaige how would she loose her deposit?

If you pull out once you have exchanged, the seller can keep the deposit

Lulubellamozarella · 26/09/2024 21:39

I have got to say I think your timing stinks. This feels really unfair on your kids at this stage in their lives. Not just the fact that they are doing GCSE and A levels but you are putting the added stress of extra travel time on them to get to their schools and also moving them away from their friends. I am not really sure what you were thinking to be honest. I get you have this dream to have a do-er upper but couldn't you have waited a few more years until your kids are done with school/college?

DH and I have had a dream for as long as we have been together to live by the sea. Our house has gone on the market now our youngest has gone to Uni. There is no way we would have done this while she was going through GCSE's and A-levels. So we have waited.

Unless you were desperately unhappy with where you were living I think you should have waited.

Bit late in the day to be feeling guilty about it now. If you have already exchanged contracts then you now have to make the most of the situation and try and keep the disruption of this a minimal for your kids.

How do they feel about it? If they seem okay with it and its been like water off a ducks back then just crack on.

K0OLA1D · 26/09/2024 21:41

How are the kids getting to school etc? An hour each way everyday is a lot.

Twiglets1 · 27/09/2024 06:01

I would pull out if there is still time, but it's not clear if you have Exchanged yet, or not?

If you only needed to wait a few months until the kids schooling was at a more appropriate stage, I don't know why you didn't wait a few months before selling/buying.

Mildura · 27/09/2024 08:59

FrauPaige · 26/09/2024 19:24

Yikes - it's a bit late in the day for cold feet.! You do realise that if you pull out now, you will lose your deposit? Have you already told the kids? Are they onboard with the idea?

I reckon the OP hasn't yet exchanged, so deposit isn't on the line yet.

FrauPaige · 27/09/2024 12:16

I certainly hope that's the case.

Big 'pull up, pull up' from me on this one. 1 hour commute is too much disruption for GCSE/A-level students, especially when the cherry on top is isolating them from their friends.

Revisit in 3 years when the youngest has finished A-levels.

OP - there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there for 36 months

Original poster
Zara290 · 27/09/2024 12:17

The reason for timing is because they both need to apply for university and college in the next month or so, we needed to know where we would be so they could apply. If we left it till next year they both would have been starting university and college and then we would never have made the move.

They are both A star students and the plan is they revise together on the train on the way to and from school everyday. I'm feeling more guilty about the fact that I'm moving them to a more rural area and so I'm limiting their opportunities as they get older (we currently live in the city)

We had an opportunity to move abroad afew years ago and they were very against it, I listened to their thoughts and in the end I felt too guilty. Fast forward to them being a teenager and they have all said we should of gone and they would love to go now!

It's a matter of timing, and it's hard to know when the best time to do it is as they will always be doing exams, starting university, starting a new job.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zara290 · 27/09/2024 12:18

FrauPaige · 26/09/2024 19:24

Yikes - it's a bit late in the day for cold feet.! You do realise that if you pull out now, you will lose your deposit? Have you already told the kids? Are they onboard with the idea?

We haven't exchanged yet no. The kids all know, 1 isn't too happy but he has come round now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zara290 · 27/09/2024 12:21

Imisscoffee2021 · 26/09/2024 19:25

Hey, I understand your feelings because you want what's best for your kids. In a few short years they will off doing their own thing, knowing they have a home to return to if they need. Me and my sister kicked up a huge fuss when we were 15 and 13 respectively when my mum and stepdad found a fixer upper by the sea, we'd still have gone to the same school albeit a different way if getting there and we just made such a fuss that my mum pulled out. I was happy at the time but I am now 36 and feel horrendously guilty, and have done since I was about 18 or 19 and understood (about when i moved to opposite end of the country for uni so wouldnt have been in the house much amyway). The area they lived and still live is not great and getting worse and theyre stuck there now. They must have been serious to have told us the plan, they must have put alot of thought into it and maybe even had surveys done or put an offer in. I feel sick now thinking about it 😪 just follow your dream and try and make their journey as easy as possible, enjoy your new home :)

Thabks for giving another point of view. My eldest is 21 and is moving with us and I've expressed my worries with him and he has said we have put them 1st in every single thing we have done throughout their lives and now it's time we did something we want. They only realistically have 7 months left at school and then they will be starting uni and college but I just feel overwhelmingly guilty.

OP posts:
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