Location, location, location, How did you decide where to live?

[Hoolahoophop]

Did you just know, or did you have to carefully balance the pro's and con's?

Option 1. Centre of small market town, pubs, restaurants and shops on the doorstep. Kids walk to school and their friends houses. Large house and garden but still town sized life would be about popping into town, spontaneous breakfasts out, kids friends walking back after school, rarely using the car. Probably cheaper, so more money to spend on all those in town things.

Option 2. Outskirts of village, could have several acres of land, really large house, maybe pool, woodland to climb in, space for vegetable growing, barns for outdoor games and entertainment room. Lots of space for animals, chickens perhaps or even a horse. Lots of room for entertaining friends and family, space for teenagers to congregate in their own space. More expensive, but such a nice amount of space may want to be at home more often.

I'd love both, but clearly that doesn't happen very often. I don't know how to work out what would be my priority.

We went for Option 1 and have never regretted it (kids long gone now). They could walk to school, walk around their friends, walk to the pub when they were older. Our house was the ‘hub’ because they’d bring their friends around (admittedly we had a play/rec room) and we knew them all. In fact we often had them crashing overnight because they couldn’t get back to their village homes.

No taxis, no worrying about them driving home at 3am along country lanes in winter - they could bus to the nearest big city and then walk from the bus stop.

I think you’re overestimating the joys of the ‘building dens’ part - as they get older socialising is so much more fun for them in groups and you’ll find other parents don’t want to be driving out to your remote location or coming to get them. And don’t get me started on sitting there on a Saturday night when they’re 16, not being able to have a drink, because you have to go and collect them rather than them being able to walk home en masse or you to walk out and meet them.

Do you really want to spend your weekends tending your land rather than going out and having fun with the kids?

I don’t expect you will listen as you clearly want option 2, but I do hope you’ll come back in ten years time when you have teens and tell us how it’s going.

Blimey @theresnolimits thanks for the incite into how your life has worked and how pleased you are with it. Its very useful to hear how others decided on where and how to live. Not sure the last sentence is necessary. I probably do not need to come back in 10 years to tell you that you were right and I was wrong and what a detrimental effect that had on my kids, even assuming that is how it turns out!

Most people seem to prefer in town. But round where i live most of the 'in town' people live in the suburbs and still need taxi etc. to get home after a night out, a significant number of DCs friends already live in surrounding villages. I doubt all these people are destroying their children's social lives.

I think it depends on what your family really enjoys. I grew up with option 2 and loved it.

Kids will probably love either. My parents spent all their spare time gardening. We got ourselves places either by walk and bus or cycling.

If I had those options the first would win hands down because that's the kind of stuff I do. Having acres of land would make me feel isolated and barns and entertainment room? Sure if you have loads of kids but I don't like entertaining that much! And sounds like the house is big enough anyway without that extra expense and upkeep. And I'd hate being so reliant on a car.
I live in London and would love to be more central so I could literally have shops/cafes/transport within a two minute walk. I love the hustle and bustle.

Option 1.

Option 2 sounds like you'd have to drive to get a pint of milk , drive your kids everywhere as teens as their friends/ activities / social get togethers may not be nearby .
Also with that size of place it could be a money pit.

Option 2 all day long. I currently live in a rural village in north Norfolk with my husband and kids we love it and if I could I would move to somewhere with more land (we love animals and have plenty!) if I’m being really honest, I’m more about the house than the location. After all, that’s what we spend most our time in right? I also enjoy hosting and having friends/family over to stay. It’s a no brainer for me but it’s a very personal thing

Should also add that we drive everywhere and I don’t know what I’d do without a car!!!

Completely agree. I grew up in a town but i don’t recognise these descriptions of having friends and coffee shops and supermarkets and parks round the corner.

I could walk into town during the day but after dark (which, bear in mind, is 4.30 in winter) needed to get a bus/taxi. None of my close friends lived walking distance. My brother could walk to football, I could walk to guides but other clubs, the swimming pools, the bowling alley etc were far enough to need a drive.

I think some posters have had the very specific experience of a small town, small secondary small catchment area and assumed this is what everyone’s experience of teenage years are like.

Also, I dunno if I’m allowed to say this but, it’s not just about the children. You will live in the house long after they do. Where do YOU want to live?

I would kill my granny for option 2!

I also agree, I don’t recognise it either, we did the town thing, and very few people were socialising so much they were always walking into town, going to see friends, going for coffee or the pub , all friends and family and amenities, within walking distance.

any serious shopping we took the car. We’d walk up to go for a meal, but less so in the winter, as who wants to walk ten -15 mins in the pissing rain to go out. For,our kid to go see their friends we still had to get in the car and drive, as there was no socialising with the neighbours or kids in the next street, that sort of stuff hasn’t happened for decades for most kids.

im not really sure of what’s changed for us moving a few miles out. I’d say the only thing is we don’t walk when we go out for something to eat on a sat night, my husband drives as no pavements, and he has a couple of pints and drives the half mile back. We could walk over the fields if we chose though, there is a public right of way. If we want to go out for breakfast then sitting in the car for 3 mins. isn’t a deal breaker really.🤷🏻‍♀️

@MonteStory thank you, its good to hear some balance.

DH and I have been talking about it a lot today, got a house valuation and viewed a house in town. Really didn't like the house, though the location was perfect.

We were considering the long term view.

If we stay in the house for the next 25 years we are talking 20% of that time they are in primary, 25% secondary, that still leaves DH and I in the house for 55% of the time with independent 'children' we do need to take our own needs and wants into consideration. We will of course do all we can to promote them, support at school, extra curricular activities, encouraging friendships and we will support them through university if that is what we choose. We have set up savings for house deposits. We also need to be able to enjoy our own lives.

Kids can only make plans if their whole friendship group is organised.
My DS quite often asks me for a lift at say 5pm, then the meeting time changes, no one is going out and the time changes to 7pm. This is not his fault (occasionally might be!).
So access to public transport (no Uber where I live) and ability to use a bike has been invaluable. Living in middle of nowhere (even 5 miles from somewhere) would be hard for us.
You can of course refuse to take them anywhere last minute, and they will learn to organise themselves better, but they might miss out on those spontaneous events out of their own control.
I'd love option 2 for little kids, but for myself and my teenagers, I'm definitely option 1.

Option 2 every time. Space trumps everything for me. The kids benefit from a large house and garden when they’re young. Family parties, big Christmases, the more space you have the easier life is. Don’t buy a place with a couple of acres when you’re retiring!

Ach I see what you’re saying, we were more the type who would say we can’t. Is but we will drop you in an hour at 6. Never an issue as it was just mates getting together. I get you were more if they want it at x time I will be there to do it at x time, but we didn’t and no issues. It was more mum can you take me at 5, nah but can do 6, sure thanks mum.

Option 1. DH and I would love option 2, but went for an option 1 so that the DC could walk to school and have some independence. Another factor is the need for a car with option 2, at any point something can happen that means you or DH are unable to drive for a while and life becomes a lot more difficult.

We have woods behind our house. Our kids, or the neighbouring kids, never went and built dens or played in them. They were more likely to be riding up and down the road, kicking footballs about etc. we used to know who’s house the kids were at because the bikes would be outside.

I think, what I’m trying to say is that you may have this rural ‘Famous five’ idyll, but it may not happen. Some kids would find option 2 lifestyle boring.

My kids and their friends were building dens a couple of weeks ago in the garden. So I know they will enjoy that, they love having friends for camp fires, would love to camp in the garden if we had space. So I guess while they may changed at the moment they are already outdoorsy types.