Location, location, location, How did you decide where to live?

[Hoolahoophop]

Did you just know, or did you have to carefully balance the pro's and con's?

Option 1. Centre of small market town, pubs, restaurants and shops on the doorstep. Kids walk to school and their friends houses. Large house and garden but still town sized life would be about popping into town, spontaneous breakfasts out, kids friends walking back after school, rarely using the car. Probably cheaper, so more money to spend on all those in town things.

Option 2. Outskirts of village, could have several acres of land, really large house, maybe pool, woodland to climb in, space for vegetable growing, barns for outdoor games and entertainment room. Lots of space for animals, chickens perhaps or even a horse. Lots of room for entertaining friends and family, space for teenagers to congregate in their own space. More expensive, but such a nice amount of space may want to be at home more often.

I'd love both, but clearly that doesn't happen very often. I don't know how to work out what would be my priority.

I think maybe as you can’t drive it really does skewer it. Don’t get me wrong it’s a ballache at times, but no biggie to jump in the car for a few mins,

Agree....we went from having a courtyard garden to a 100ft unmaintained garden, we bit off more than we could chew, but have got on top of it (eventually). I can't see this working for us as we get older, less mobile etc

I also agree, when old age hits and mobility then the time to move to town. A small garden and house.

id say it took us about 5 years to learn what we were doing. We are ten deep now. The first five we didn’t really understand , did fuck all, and were horrified when we realised how over grown it was all becoming.

now we are on top of it, have the right tools and know how to use them, and laid a lot to lawn, to keep maintenance down. Planted a lot of big stuff to fill space, like weeping willows. We now know every inch of this place and how to deal with it. But it took us time to learn. We also have lots of friends and family who come out and help us do stuff, the blokes love it. Cutting down trees, chopping logs, or getting the bush cutter out and hacking away at the banks of the stream.

We only had normal postage stamp gardens before. So was a huge learning curve, but honestly it is absolutely worth it and I’d not change a thing.

I’d also add, ours is 4 acres.

Neither are townies originally. Have spent 10 years in town. Thinking about moving out while we can. As when we are older I think we would.be nest moving back to town. So it's now or never.

Don't mind a bit of ferrying about as we do that now in town. Clubs, training, matches not necessarily in town and friends can be all over. The area we are considering is all within 5 miles of the town they go to school at.

Plus we have train to London 10 mins drive away and can be there in an hour.

I think this is the perfect size.

I must admit as I don't drive it skewers my choices- we live on edge of Bath in a hilly bit and have lovely countryside literally on the doorstep - I also have a bus every 5 minutes on doorstep and husband drives as well. However I do know people in places maybe 5 miles out here who have huge pads and land but also have a bus every 30 minutes if needed too - I definitely could live in a village but for me it would have to have at least a general shop, ideally a cafe, couple of pubs and a regular bus route if I needed it! I think there are what I call villages but are still convenient for somewhere way bigger - we have lots of those or there are villages that are really rural- that I couldn't hack!! I think though you are probably talking about the first kind. It's a tough choice-

Had option 2: pool, chickens, huge den etc. It was great for parties etc when the DCs were little. DS was sporty and enjoyed space to practice.

Socially though, I don’t think it was helpful overall. Some potential friends were overwhelmed. Return invites were rare when they came to ours first. By early teens, when they just need a room to hang out in and don’t seem to mind how cosy they are, the friends closest to the parks and other congregating spaces were the ones whose houses became the gathering point. I always enjoyed the mum taxi duties and was sorry when they learned to drive and didn’t need me, but I know they wished they hadn’t been dependent for so long. My DD appreciated country living more, but my DS has said he would want town living when he has children.

Now in option 1. Loving having a manageable house and garden, everything on the doorstep and more money for holidays and going out. Wish I’d done it when my DC s were still at home!

Option 1. Don't under estimate how lovely it is to be able to pop in to a friends for a coffee, it's not just the kids social life that matters.
Lots of land really does mean a lot of work, and personally I'd rather spend that time with the kids. Especially if you're already outdoorsy at the seaside, when will you have time to tend/use the land?

You sound like you really want Option 2.
Like many others on here I'd go for 1 and a pool in the UK wouldn't appeal. We had one when we lived abroad, they're high maintenance and even there we couldn't use it for almost half the year without heating it.

We are Option 1 now and loving it. Middle of town, great local shops - mainly independent. Ex-LHA so big garden with plenty of space for veggies and chickens (if desired). Low Council Tax. Railway station in town. Less than 30 minutes to larger city with all main shops.

We previously rented Option 2 while waiting for a house to be built. Lovely countryside, no children, loads of wildlife. Burgled twice (never anywhere else in 40 years). Would never do it again.

We chose option 2 and enjoy living here every single day. Because we have space we gets lots of family and friends staying which we love. The DC went to secondary school in the same village and could walk so we didn’t have to drive. That was deliberately planned and so glad we did it as they became really independent and confident using public transport for going out.

I agree that a lot of time energy and money goes into maintaining what you have though and town living might give you more money for holidays. It depends what gives you a sense of contentment joy and happiness OP? We have lots of friends within walking distance and near beach, river and moors so don’t ever want to move, but if you want town amenities and would miss them it wouldn’t suit you. To me the most important thing is community and nature (after fam and friends).

What about selling house then renting in each place for a year and seeing which lifestyle works best for you all? Less expensive than buyers’ remorse.

We went for Option 1, we always knew it was the right option. We rarely drive anywhere, we're happy in a smaller house as it's cheaper/easier to clean, heat, maintain. Kids are little now, but it will mean they can be more independent once they get to secondary, they can walk to school and other activities. We still have space for visitors. The idea of maintaining a large house and land fills me with anxiety!

A horse needs company from another horse. If you want to have a horse, then you need to have two horses.

We moved into our forever home when the DC were 3/4, and three decades later are really happy that we pushed ourselves at that point. Ideal position - along country lane, opposite fields and lots of walking paths but you can still walk to the local shops. In one acre, so plenty of room for the DC to run around, and because we had the space, lots of the parties as they were growing older seemed to be at ours. A compromise location might work?

Realistically i don't think we would ever want a horse. But one of the properties we were looking at had stabling and fields (which we could rent out I suppose).

I'd love alpacas! But wouldn't really want to look after them. More likely cats!

I think my heart is in the country, because while i agree with ALL the pros of town, i keep defending the cons of country!

We are not planning to stretch our budget, so all should be affordable without changing lifestyle as we have it.

In town houses we have looked at are between 2000-3,500sq ft. With gardens of 0.2acre up to 0.7 so nice gardens.

The out of town houses we have looked at are around 3000-4000sq foot with 2-14 acres of land mix of gardens, field and woodland.

Very similar budgets. All less than 10 mins drive from schools, and within catchment so there are school busses available. All less than 20 mins from station (our town doesn't have a station itself).

I'd miss popping out for breakfast in a local cafe or walking to a restaurant for dinner, buying that days bread from the local bakery. But I would also love to see the kids building dens in the woodland, having swings over ditches, having a barn to have band practice or a game of pool with their mates. We have family in town and family in the country, they seem happier and more relaxed in old clothes running feral out on the land, and i suppose that is what I grew up with and loved.

All depends on the dc ages! Option 2 is perfect from 0-14 ish, then you have 3 years (for each child) of ferrying around, picking up from parties at midnight or just letting them stay at random houses!

Also massive taxi bills (if you can even book one) if you want to have a glass of wine out or go to a friends house.

But yes, fantastic parties, lots of spare teen space and ability to make noise without bothering anyone.

We have just had this conundrum and went for 1 -large coastal town. Can walk to station for direct trains to Southampton Winchester and London, a good high street and the beach in 10 mins. I’m not sure how old your dc are now ( I’m guessing early primary) but one thing that I think is important to know is that smartphones and social media have revolutionised how teens socialise and this change has happened in a v short space of time. Critically, the amount of effort an average teen will now go to to actually see someone/ do something in person rather than just hang out with them online has reduced drastically vs even 15 years ago when you’d be driven out to socialise by sheer boredom. On that basis, I decided to remove as many barriers to in person activities/ socialising as possible- ie they can walk/ cycle/ PT everywhere they want to go with minimal effort. The other issue with needing to drive them places is that you need to be there to do that - do you want to be available all day every day so when your teen decides to get up at 11 and make a plan ( because smartphones have also been a death knell to advance planning) you can drive them there? Probably not.

Also, don’t buy a pool table. That time has gone ( sad but true). I was literally having a convo with 2 friends the other evening about how they are going to sell them as they never get used. The pull of FIFA is too great.

I feel like I’m giving this slightly terrible picture of today’s teens but unless you’re going to ban tech (which is impossible for visiting teens) the days of pool and band practice in the barn are over.

We even have tradespeople who when doing work bring their kids so they can play in the garden. 😂 outdoor space and plenty of it, is a boon for most folks.

it is work though, but as said it took us a few years to get it nailed, the right tools is key, knowing who can help is key, having mates willing to help out is a huge bonus, ours have built wood stores, chopped trees, logged, cleared large areas, but the guys seem to really enjoy it.

thing is we can pop out for meals or socialise any time we wish, the fact we have to drive or taxi doesn’t change that. What we couldn’t do though if we bought a smaller town place, is have a large space to ourselves and that lifestyle.

living a few miles out doesn’t stop us doing all the things that town living provides, we just need to car or taxi. Living in a town, stops us having all the benefits a more out of town property provides.

The other issue with needing to drive them places is that you need to be there to do that - do you want to be available all day every day so when your teen decides to get up at 11 and make a plan ( because smartphones have also been a death knell to advance planning) you can drive them there? Probably not.

thsts just not the case, it really isn’t, no one sits at home waiting to take their kids out just in case, what people do is communicate and plan in advance, I never ever faced what you’re describing and mine were not sitting on line having to be forced to see their mates.

@LaPalmaLlama really interesting take, thank you. I can see a lot of where you are coming from.

Think I'm sitting firmly in @Wineandcupcakes camp at the moment for living the dream.

Though its also a bit scary as I KNOW how much work acres can be as I can see family slogging in the garden every weekend. That said their kids are fit, healthy, and have very little interest in screens of any persuasion as they are always outdoors and loving it.

Just realized, I could go back to my old hobby of archery and set up some targets in the garden!

Option 2 - you had me at alpacas .
I think as others have said the ages of your children are an important factor . If your heart does say option 2 - are you able to have 5 years or so before teenagers needed lifts to socialise ?

It may be that you fall in love with a house and that determines it . Is there any so far that you have looked at that you would be gutted to find someone else had made a successful offer and you lost out ?

Whilst it would be great to think of a " forever home " , how is the property market in these areas generally ? Worse case scenario you go for option 2 and then decide to sell up 5 years down the line .

As regards children / teens and activities a lot of this is dependent on the individual children and their hobbies . If your child/ children are super sporty/ musical etc they may continue with activities throughout their teenagers years . They may not - you don't have anyway of predicting this for definite .
Our experience has been that by the teenager years a lot of the activities were dropped - as "too boring " .
Sadly a lot of socialising is now done online . We went from kids who were probably one of the last in their classes to get devices to an ongoing battle to restrict online time .

Again it is variable dependent on the individual child and perhaps the location too re advance organisation of activities . Our experience has also been that with smartphones etc there isn't much advance planning . Yes there is for birthday celebrations etc but a lot of other catch ups are impromptu / last minute .

But how old are your dc now? Your previous post suggested they are grown up/ no longer live at home so I assumed early 20’s. As I said in my post this is a very recent phenomenon, massively accelerated by the pandemic which basically taught pre- teens how to socialise online before they even started to socialise independently in person. Honestly mine are pretty active- they both play team sports, climb, bike, fish, sail, so they’re not the kids you hear about who sit in their rooms all day on Xbox, but the way that they interact with one another and socialise has become completely hybrid and plans are a lot more spontaneous, because when you can just snap back and forward it’s easy to make a plan on the day, especially if most of them can travel independently . Like most parents I do struggle with this, because it’s totally alien to a Gen- Xer like me so while I’m happy to accept a hybrid model I want to do what I can to keep the online/offline balance.

I guess what I’m saying to the OP is that it’s easy to look at our own childhoods and think “ I would have loved x” and then try to replicate that for our children without thinking if that‘a still “a thing”

There are definite upsides to country life though- I’ve certainly considered it.

.i understand fully this is your lived experience so you’ve determined all kids are like this, irrelevant of age. I can assure you this is not the case. You can teach your children respect. You can teach them how to make plans in advance, how to lead, you can teach them how to use public transport. You can teach them to uber to public transport, you can enable your children. You do not need to sit around at home waiting for them to want to go out so you’re available to drive fhem, or they can’t go as they made plans at the last min.

this is my experience.