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Property/DIY

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Original poster

moving into husband's home, no property of my own

41 replies

scottishmum007 · 17/04/2008 16:00

Just wondering how many others out there (this is quite a unique situation I imagine!) got married to someone who already bought their home before you met them but you stay there as a married couple and as a family?
I didn't have a house to sell when I met my husband (had lived with my parents previously) so I just moved in to his home as we were both happy with this arrangement and it seems sensible even now that we have a ds (it's 3 bed).
Now, I was bringing up the topic of deeds and getting my name put on them if anything untoward was to happen, but he thinks this is suspicious. Anyone got any advice on this kind of situation? Or have you been in this situation yourself, currently?

any advice appreciated.thanks.

OP posts:

MadamePlatypus · 17/04/2008 17:50

Unless he is a Paul McCartney type and has loads of excess cash, I don't see why he thinks there is a financial advantage to your name not being on the deeds?

TheBlonde · 17/04/2008 18:13

Our house is in my name only, I bought it before we married and I will not be putting DH's name on the deeds unless there is a compelling reason to do so

Original poster

scottishmum007 · 17/04/2008 18:29

Thanks to everyone for your input so far, its interesting to see everyone's opinions on this topic. Keep them coming, I can't get enough advice at the moment!

I'm going to bring this up with DH when he gets in from work tonight. Will allow him time to digest his dinner before I embark on the discussion. wouldn't want him to choke on his turkey goujons...

OP posts:

Original poster

scottishmum007 · 17/04/2008 18:33

He does have quite a lot of savings, as to how much I have no idea. He says thats his business and why do I need to know?? Am I planning on poisoning him any day soon? No, I just want to know out of curiosity. Is that wrong???
He doesn't have nearly as much as P McCartney (sadly I can't do a Heather Mills '23 million isn't enough!!!!' rant)

OP posts:

windygalestoday · 17/04/2008 21:05

its very secretive dont u think scottishmummy has he been in a relationship before? pehaps he thinks he got ripped off before and he wont do it again?

bossykate · 17/04/2008 21:12

my v quick 2c worth.

since you are married and have children together, no matter how hard he tries to protect his claim to this asset in the event of a break-up (because that is what it sounds like he is trying to do), you will have a claim on the house, regardless of whether he puts your name on anything or not. i suggest you see a solicitor. his behaviour is grudging, selfish and small minded.

bossykate · 17/04/2008 21:13

does he remember that bit in the wedding about sharing worldly goods?

MadamePlatypus · 17/04/2008 21:29

"he thinks financially if we were to split up he's be a broken man, he'd have to start from scratch after paying off his house, working hard all his life."

He has a wife and children now - he can never go back to the position he was in before. TheApprentice makes a good point about the practical advantages of having your name on the deeds.

jasper · 18/04/2008 00:47

hmm.
at the back of his mind do you think he is worried about getting shafted if you split up?
Sorry to be so blunt

jasper · 18/04/2008 00:50

Apologies if that was a bit abrupt.

I ask as one in a similar position to your dh.
I owned my house prior to meetin dp, father of my 3 kids.

Like your dh I scrimped and saved to become mortgage free after many years of mostly work and no fun prior to meeting him.

We are happy together with 3 kids of our own. BUT in the event of a split I would NOT be happy to give him half the house and that is one of the reasons I wont marry again.

Piffle · 18/04/2008 06:28

But op is married does that not make it academic without a specific pre nup which would be hard to force in the UK anyway?
in the event of a split or death at least?
so jasper if you died tomorrow what happens to your house?

ChutneyMary · 18/04/2008 07:15

Sorry ladies but there are a few misconceptions on this thread which need to be cleared up:

On Dh's death, you will not automatically get the house unless you are the joint owner. The fact that you would otherwise be homeless is irrelevant. The property (with all the savings etc) would devolve acc the intestacy rules, whihc are not especially generous to the wealthy family.

If you split up you would not automatically get half the house. All the assets would be looked at, and divided acc a number of factors, including needs, resources, length of marriage, standard of living etc. You might well get more, but equally you could end up in a smaller property.

There are measures you can take to protect yourself (in England - there are no doubt equivalents in Scotland). As far as the house is concerned you can register a notice on the Register to warn any potential buyer that you have rights of occupation. Making a will though is needed to protect you if he goes under a bus. I think you and he need to have a chat about this

HTH.

Piffle · 18/04/2008 09:14

Under intestacy its spouse kids then siblings parents.
if unmarried legitimate children inherit.
takes ages to sort out meanwhile you incur the running costs. Tis grim to be unprepared.
We are unmarried but have specified wills. You must get wills done!!!

hanaflower · 18/04/2008 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 18/04/2008 10:50

What possibly wasn't that much of an issue is becoming one because of his 'suspicion' about your motives. You're not his tenant FGS, or his chattel. You are equal partners, surely, or should be anyway. But it does sound to me as if he thinks he's a bit more equal than you.
YANBU!

Original poster

scottishmum007 · 19/04/2008 13:14

hi everyone, only just getting the chance to come online now. thanks for all your input. esp jasper. your words weren't harsh or abrupt at all, because this is exactly how he feels. He thinks he would be 'shafted' because I'm 25 and he's 34 so he'd have less time to pay off another mortgage if we were to ever split up.Whereas I've got 8 years longer than him in terms of paying off a mortgage.
We discussed it the same night I started this thread and he basically said for himself that when we move house next year then both our names with be on our property. So it's a compromise. And we are going to see a financial advisor over the next couple of months, to arrange life insurance policies to be set up because we have a son more than anything else.
At present he doesn't feel that it's necessary to put my name on the house just now, which I said is fair enough and I've settled for that and accepted his opinion (as long as we get the life insurance sorted out fairly soon, just incase I croak it or he croaks it in the v near future!!).
I know one of the PPs on here stated that she owned her home and she won't put DH on the deeds, so I am trying to understand what it must be like to have worked hard to achieve what you have got in life before meeting a partner.

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