Want my old house back!

[BB79]

Husband (51) & I (45) bought brand new house Feb 2004 when we had a 3 yr old son. It was a lovely estate and a great place to raise our family. We were happy. Had our daughter and we outgrew the house. 3 beds but the one was a box room. We managed!! Tried to sell and move but about 2011/12 but no interest and took it off the market. A few years later we built a huge 2 storey extension and made a large bedroom with en-suite & a new bathroom upstairs and a large kitchen diner downstairs. It wasn’t an ideal layout as it was an extension but it vastly improved the house. Our daughter moved into our old bedroom and we turned the box room into an office.
Our mortgage payments were just over £500 a month but we overpaid at £550 every month.
Over the last 20yrs the estate became more shabby and it just wasn’t lovely like it used to be. A social housing estate had been built opposite and there were lots of people who would wonder past our house and we lived near a public footpath.
My husband would often say he’d like to move. Me not so much as I was settled.
Anyway, a house very near to my parents (who live in same house I grew up in) came for sale - first time in 30yrs and I fell in love with it.
Aftet a saga of having an offer accepted and then not being able to sell our house we had to pull out and we went on a once in a lifetime holiday to Canada. Came back the house sale had fallen through so we swooped back in and agreed to buy it. At a much lower cost.
sold our house in 4 days and we moved.
Our mortgage is now £900 a month and we have a complete renovation to do.
When I first moved in November 2023 I was so happy but now the novelty has worn off and I miss my old house. I regret moving with the new mortgage costs and think we should have just stayed where we were, got our mortgage paid off and enjoyed our lifestyle of holidays etc.
Our kids have now got boyfriend/girlfriend and are at home very little so it just us 2 and the dog rattling round this massive house.
I feel like we were idiots!
We did sell our house for a huge profit and we do have a large equity in the new house. I’ve worked out if we sold and bought another home for £350,000 we would be mortgage free but realistically we won’t be moving for maybe 5yrs.
I don’t know why I know feel like this.
I’ve started to really miss my old house and I close my eyes and wish I was back there. It’s almost as I’m looking through rose tinted specs and can’t see what others see. Everyone stops me and says - wow you’ve got a lovely house. But that’s what it is a house and not my home. I just feel
like it’s not mine and I now want to go home.

When we first moved in my husband hated the house and he regretted moving - he didn’t admit it outright but he did say a few times in a bit of an argument. He now seems to have settled a bit more and it’s me who has now lost the plot.
I know I can’t move back to my old house. It’s gone and I wouldn’t want it now after someone else has wrecked what I had. But I still feel sad and depressed about it.

What is it you don’t like about the new house? You say it’s big but it must be more than just that.

I’ve worked out if we sold and bought another home for £350,000 we would be mortgage free but realistically we won’t be moving for maybe 5yrs.

Why wait 5 years?

Do you still need to house your kids?

Are you sure it's the house you miss and not the times?

How much of a renovation do you need to do? That is always stressful and won't help you settle.

I think this as well. You had kids in the old house and saw them grow up there. You're now making two adjustments- one to watching your kids grow into adults and one to the new house (which sounds too big for you).

As my understanding, you missed your old times rather than the house! But only thing you can get now from the past was your big house (gone for sale). So that was the opportunity( to buy the house you grow up) for you to hold your past if you get your childhood house. I think you are in two different path and 2 different emotions in same time and you are struggling with it which is normal. The house you grow up in and The house your kids grow up in. Moving in to your big house didn’t give you same emotions as you were expecting when you were child and that brought regret into your situation. Now you choose your kids childhood times but that gone as well. I always say everything for a reason. You are in different times and different age. Let the past go cos past is past. No matter what, you can’t bring back your past by buying your childhood house you grow up in. Try to put new page in your new old house, your past and your future. I must be psychologist ☺️

I would spend some time making your front garden nice - and chat to anyone that passes by. You're clearly missing the 'old' sense of community in your old house - but seeing it through rose tinted glasses and not missing what it became (or you'd not have moved). You need to create a new community around you, so also look for things you can involve yourself with locally - clubs, societies, hobbies etc, visit local restaurants and cafes - and make new friends.

You weren't happy at the old house because the area had become shabby, so there's no point dreaming of moving back there.

Sell your current house now - why wait 5 years? - and buy something smaller and low maintenance, enjoy the extra money you'll save, have lots of holidays etc.

Thanks I think you’re probably right.
the house is a Georgian and hasn’t been touched for almost 30yrs!
We have put in a new kitchen, done the dining room and study. Plus some work in the garden.
I think I’m just fed up of renovations!

We did a very simiar thing and due to circumstances and the fact my DH loved the place, we ended up not moving for 22 years! I really regret not moving sooner, so if you feel the same next spring, I’d cut your losses and go.