FTB clearly not a clue what I am doing

[MendaciousMabel]

Hi

Please be kind I'm a FTB in pretty stressful circumstances and think I just keep fucking up and making faux pas'.

We had an offer accepted on a house almost 6 weeks ago, we really like the house and being keen FTB we got all our paperwork done straight away, paid for a survey within the second week of the offer and have done everything our solicitors require.

We are going into week 6 since offer made and the vendors still haven't completed their forms and sent them back to their solicitors so we're at a complete standstill until they do.

We need to be moving as soon as possible and we thought we were so lucky as we are not in a chain as renting and our vendors are going into rented due to downsizing (it has since transpired that they're actually divorcing which i guess is a type of downsizing but think it changes things a bit).

I've gotten very nervous as they now have a family emergency which is preventing them from completing the forms. EA has advised us to have some patience given their circumstances but I just can't get my head around them not even starting the process off.

I've booked other viewings which I know is a bit shitty but we need to move as soon as possible. I'm currently going between my home and my familys home with my daughter in tow week in week out as she is too ill to attend a nursery and I am working full time. I can't quit my job at the moment and would be unwise to do so whilst we're in mortgage process.

I've seen another property with the same EA as who we are buying from and asked for a viewing but now I fear I've really fucked up and the vendors are just going to be really pissed off with us. I don't know what to do and tbh I clearly don't understand the process and etiquette.

I am stressed out of mind at the best of times nevermind when buying a house.

Renting isn't really an option in the area that we're in, there is plenty to buy but hardly anything to rent that would accommodate a small family. AirBNB options also not very suitable.

Pretty sure I've fucked this transaction over now anyway but worried we will be blacklisted for not being serious buyers.

People in a divorce are unlikely to complete paperwork quickly.

Average time to completion is about 12 weeks at the moment. Yours is likely to be longer given their circumstances. There isn't much pressure that can be put on them - the ea can ring and hassle but there may be other stuff going on (arguments, mediation, childcare issues etc).

You can withdraw your offer at any time up to exchange.

If you need a quick or even average moving time sounds like this is not the house for you.

I would definitely view other properties. My experience of buying houses is that people who say they are going into rented rarely do. I wouldn’t be surprised if suddenly they had decided to buy another house, in which case as it’s a divorce there will be two chains!

We only found out they were divorcing this week, initially they were wanting to downsize and going into rented. I'd obviously be willing to hang on if things were progressing as I know it's an average 12 weeks but we're not even at draft contracts stage after 6 weeks. I just worry more things will crop up to prevent them from doing things. And frustrated that we look as if we're trying to have our cake and eat it too. I'm just trying to do the best thing for my family.

Have you had the Memorandum of Sale? I wouldn't have done anything without that. You're under no obligation to go ahead with the purchase, don't worry about the vendor being annoyed. 6 weeks isn't very long in house buying terms, our chain free house took 5 months to go through. We did everything sequentially to minimize risk of losing money, i.e. did mortgage application first, then once we had the mortgage offer, did the survey, and only once we were happy with the survey, we paid for the searches, as that's a non-refundable payment. You can't be 'blacklisted' if you pull out, although obviously that estate agent will know what happened, and you'll lose the money you already spent.

Yes, we got that I think a day or two after the offer was accepted, and could see they had a solicitor they'd instructed and just figured it would be a couple of weeks for them to sort their paperwork. It was only last week I was getting concerned as our solicitor said they've not received anything at all.

6 weeks is nothing op sorry. It took us 14 weeks and we were all working with the same state agent and we knew our sellers personally so could literally catch up in person about progress.

I’d be very wary of buying from a divorcing couple, especially as they appear to have hidden it from you.

>I've seen another property with the same EA as who we are buying from and asked for a viewing but now I fear I've really fucked up and the vendors are just going to be really pissed off with us.

No, you've done the right thing.

OP, the vendors have lied to you.

I disagree with a PP, I don't think six weeks with no paperwork is acceptable.

What you need to do now is force their hand. Tell the EA you're serious about keeping your options open, and can they please show you that other house.

The EA will have to relay that to the sellers.

Then they'll either have to make a decision about either pulling their finger out or getting on with the sale, or have a very long discussion about whether they want to stay together or not. Which is what I suspect is the reality of what's happening, rather than the 'family emergency.'

There are always sellers who try to take advantage of the naivety of FTBs; doing things at their own pace, telling you when you'll complete, telling you rather than negotiating about what is to be left or not left. I've been through all sorts of eyebrow raising bs with these sorts of sellers. If you are not firm from the offset, this will continue to happen. Trust me, I've been there - three times.

Put your foot down.

Edit: and buying from a divorcing couple is never, ever going to be easy - I avoid them like the plague

Also I do understand 6 weeks is not long in the grand scheme, my concern is that at 6 weeks they still haven't completed the initial forms to send to their solicitor. Given that searches can then take anywhere between 8 weeks and who knows how long, it seems an unneccesary delay from their side.

And I am also concerned that they lied about reasons for selling.

Estate agent has come back and said they've sent all their forms off now (despite one of their adult children being recently hospitalised which is making me raise my eyebrows a bit) and are really keen to move things on. If they are so keen I cannot understand why it has taken so long to get to this point.

I don't think I am built for house buying.

The TA6 and TA10 forms are important, and I would never start to spend serious money without first seeing them.

I unveiled a whole host of lies about the house from a seller because of these forms.

So, yeah. If you're a seller, get your forms over ASAP if you want things to progress.

Yes we've definitely learned to hard way to have some bloody patience before booking a survey...!

:(

Next time, now you know better.

Anyway. You haven't done anything wrong. They've been dishonest. Probably because they know most buyers avoid divorcing couples.

It took them so long because they have some disagreements. It’s absolutely nothing to do with you. EA told them that you were getting impatient so they did it.
I think you need to set a date and explain EA that you need to move by that date otherwise the deal is off. Only do it if you are going to follow up your threat.

Unless this is the absolutely perfect house for you, I would withdraw the offer. People who mess you around from the start tend to continue like that.

You've done nothing wrong but YABU to expect them to move at your pace.

They have a lot going on and perhaps more you know nothing about.

If you need them to do things to a faster schedule then that should be conveyed via the EA. It's then put to them if they keep up, and you can walk away if necessary which is not unreasonable.

Yes that’s a fair comment, patience isn’t really something I’m known for admittedly!

I agree with you that it's pretty shitty of them to be 6 weeks in and not sorted the forms out - they aren't that hard and it's perfectly possible to mark bits as "to follow" if you don't have the paperwork. That would certainly bother me, and the divorce would worry me as to whether that's the cause of problems and disagreements. Although, there is a lot more for a vendor of a property to do than a buyer - the forms are big and do take some effort to sort out.

That said - it's rare for a house purchase to run through smoothly and quickly. There's every chance that when they do fill those forms in, it will be you and your solicitor causing delays by asking questions and clarifications. It's a big and complex legal process and it shouldn't be rushed. And you never know where all kinds of issues will arise - if you jump now and offer on another place, you might find it's one with a chain, or probate, or tenants or any number of other reasons why that one will also be slow moving and troublesome.

But, in the circumstances, I don't think you really owe these vendors anything - they are not being fair by not engaging with the conveyancing process. You will however lose the money you've spent so far on the survey etc if you drop out. I think if you find something you like better and you want to move on, then that's not unreasonable, but don't do it purely because you think that you'll get to move in sooner, because that's a gamble that is not necessarily going to pay off.

Thanks for everyone’s responses. I’m not doing great atm with other things going on with work, family and my daughters health issues so while the house move is absolutely necessary for us (we are moving to be closer to family who are helping us with our daughter) it’s just another thing on my plate so apologies for my completely unhinged OP.

I also totally understand that going for a different house doesn’t mean a faster process I am just worried there are going to be delays at every turn with these vendors based on how things are going so far. I’m also baffled that the other day the message was very much give these vendors time they’ve got shit going on to all of a sudden all the forms are done and with the solicitor. It just seems odd to me. Anyway I think I just need to take some deep breaths see how things go over the next couple of weeks and hope that things progress.

The EA no doubt told them you'd asked to view another property, which made them pull their finger out and do the paperwork.

We were FTBs last year and it was the most stressful experience of my life. I feel for you! Don't lose hope though, it'll be worth it when you're in your own home and with the family nearby.

I actually think you've actually played a blinder by your naivety. The proper etiquette would have been to say you are concerned they haven't even started the process and due to your need to move promptly you will be viewing other properties but you are currently still going ahead. As you just rung up to book the viewing you have really put the wind up them and they've got on with it. It does sound like it's going to be difficult. When I buy I dig to see if someone is divorcing and walk away if they are due to previous negative experience. Not having even signed contracts after 6 weeks is totally ridiculous.

I don't think there's anything unhinged about your OP. House buying is a stressful business, even more so when people start telling lies.

Any update for us?

The vendor outright lied as he said his wife has mobility issues and struggles with keeping on top of cleaning which was why they were downsizing. The trust is totally gone and I trust the EA as far as I can throw. Part of me wants to explain to the EA that we had no clue the couple were divorcing and the vendor lied to us but I fear that’s just creating more drama. EA probs won’t care anyway haha

Last I heard they’d now done the forms and sent them (despite their daughter being in hospital in what sounds like serious condition). EA has said they are very committed and need to sell. i didn’t response as tbh I was out of my head stressed and also had some bad news work wise so that’s taken over.

i plan to get in touch and try and understand what timescales the vendors have in mind for completion. When we made our offer towards the end of June I was hopeful a completion in September may be possible but doubt it now!

I haven’t read that the survey has actually been completed? If it hasn’t can you ask for it to be put on hold, you might be preferring a different property to be surveyed. They’d still be getting paid, just for surveying different property.

Ask what stage of the divorce they are at.
Do they have a concluded agreement and court order regarding the house sale?

Often divorcing couples will put the family home on the market to see what it's worth but they won't yet have an agreement on how they are going to divide the proceeds. If a good offer is made quickly they won't be ready to complete the sale until they have reached an overall agreement. Neither party in a divorce can force an interim sale (save for very limited circumstances). So if your sellers are in this category then your purchase may take a long time. Equally, they may have a hearing coming up shortly, at which a final agreement/outcome will be reached, then at least you have a date when it is likely they will then be able to proceed.

So I think really you need to ask what stage they've reached to assess what sort of timetable you may be looking at.

Absolutely nothing wrong with the EA knowing you want to look at other options - this may put pressure on the sellers to reach agreement allowing the sale to go ahead (or you may find another property you prefer).

Am I allowed to ask about their separation? I don’t know how much info the EA would even have. I also feel like I should probably tread carefully in how I ask these questions but then maybe playing the naive FTB is working in my favour who knows haha.

@RedDawg survey was done a couple of weeks ago and received. I’d actually been in touch with the EA as the fuse box was identified as very outdated and surveyor suggested getting someone in to have a look before exchange of contracts. I sent a really polite and kind email asking when this may be possible and we weren’t in a rush and could be flexible around them. This is when EA told me she had to check with both of them as they are separated.

if anyone has any advice on how I should communicate next with EA I’d appreciate it!