Unsure about moving house!

[MintPoster]

I’m in the process of moving house, but feeling so unsure about it all and my kids aren’t happy about the move which is making things worse.

We’ve made an offer on a probate house, located in the town where we both grew up and where my family still lives. It’s arguably a bit smaller than what we have now, but in a more expensive area with a much larger garden and potential to extend side and back in the future.

I’ve got 2 DC, one is already at secondary, they travel by bus. The other has been offered a place at the secondary where new house is, so they would be able to walk to school (something we’ve never been able to do before)

They’re both arguing they’d rather stay in our current house, which is a newer build with all the mod cons. New house will need a lot of work, decorating, updating etc etc! But long term there’s more potential - it would give my teen more freedom to be a bit more independent before learning to drive, more options to get a little part time job in a year or two. I know my younger DC will probably make new friends at new school and find friends to walk with or hang out with. The current friends are all going to the same school but they live in a different village to us anyway.

I think because I’m feeling a bit unsure anyway, their negativity has just taken the shine off the whole thing and it’s making me wonder if it’s even the right thing to do. My OH is just annoyed and wants us all to just get on with it!

We decided to move out of a city once DC had finished A levels.

When he first saw the house, he grumbled that it was “like an old lady’s house” compared to the newer build we were leaving behind. He perked up though when we said we’d sort his room first, and let him “design” it completely as he wanted it. Fairly costly as it involved converting his en-suite from bath to shower too, but realistically it all would have needed doing at some point. He’s a creative type, but getting him thinking about his space really helped.

We’ve never regretted moving and he’s moved out now, but I do think he was happy living here once he got used to it (and got his first car!).

Just to say OP - maybe think a little bit on why you are unsure yourself. I think a move is always nervy and a massive step anyway, but if it goes beyond that might be worth giving it some headspace. I couldn’t wait to move here, honestly.

As with any big decision there will always be pros and cons.

I would go back to your original plan, why did you want to move?

Personally I wouldn't do it purely for the option of extending. Extending is extremely expensive at the moment and it may not pay off financially for a while. It's also a very tough process emotionally.

Do you WANT to live in the new area?
Do you WANT to live in your new house?
What do you gain or lose from moving?

I'd be writing a pros and cons list and follow your heart. I wouldn't be letting the kids dictate it unless they had major concerns as kids are pretty fickle.

Moving to a house that needs a lot of work doing to it comes with a lot of expense too.

Have you got enough funds to be able to do the work?

Secondly, do you think moving schools when your DC is about to do their GCSEs is the right idea? Is it worth waiting a couple of years. Only you can make that decision and whether your DC can cooe with change.

My parents moved house and thus schools when I was 11 and my sister 15 and then again when I was 15. My sister deeply resented being dragged a hundred miles from her mates and I found it extremely hard to settle as everyone had been together in primary prior to 11. For the age 15 move they totally wrecked my GCSEs and again no one was interested in making friends as they were due to leave school in under a year.

My parents had a lot of what would be considered time appropriate but now harmful parenting practices- this is one neither of us forgave them for. It was based on their choices for what type of house and lifestyle they wanted or a more convenient journey to the same jobs they always had.

Always a big thing moving and stirs up a lot of feelings, so I can empathise OP. Think about the reasons why you decided to sell and move closer to relations etc. the reasons for the move would still be valid. I wouldn’t worry about the kids, of course they want to stay were is familiar, that is totally natural, but they will settle.

This is my experience. We moved in lockdown, a relocation too for us, 3+hrs from where we used to live, DS1 was not happy about the move, said he was going back to see his college friends for his birthday, I said that’s fine, his birthday came a few months later, I said are you going back, he denied ever saying it! He is well and truly settled in our new city, it has been the best move for us all.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do OP.

My two were 19 & 17 when we moved.

Think about it from your point of view, what are the pros and cons for you moving personally? Also, the pros and cons of the house and area you've offered on?

Hi @MintPoster

I am in a similar situation at the moment. Did you go for it in the end?