Homeless with 2 children

[Sammy923]

Hi All,

I am a single mum with 2 children ages 2 and 4.

Long story short I have been living with my parents in their house together with my 3 siblings. It was very overcrowded and yesterday my mum asked me to leave.

I contacted the council back in April as I could see this was going to come and was told I could sign up to the rent guarantee scheme and to find private rented and they would pay for rent of upto £1100. I found nothing for this amount but I still contacted 2 bed properties over this amount and none in 2 months have said they accept housing benefit.

I called my housing officer yesterday and told her about the situation. She called my mum and confirmed that she asked me to leave. My housing officer then asked me to call all family and friends to ask if I could stay as I hadn't been doing a good job of finding privately rented (I have been calling new properties nearly everyday). I tried to ask my family if I could stay and all said they had no space. I then spoke with my housing officer numerous times yesterday and she kept saying the council couldn't help me and I needed to go back and speak to my mum.

It got to 2pm so I decided to pack and bag and take my children to the council office to explain. When I got there a lady told me they couldn't do anything and that it was upto my housing officer to make a decision. Until 4:30pm (bearing in mind office closed at 5pm) my housing officer kept telling me to go back home and she wasn't able to help me. Then when it got close to closing time she said there was emergency accommodation available of out the town and that I would be better off at home. I told her I would accept anything and going back home wasn't an option. After 5 minutes she miraculously found something in my town although it had a shared bathroom I was grateful. Today she has moved me out of town because she said kids need their own bathroom.

My 4 year old won't be able to go to nursery from here. I feel like such a bad mother for putting my kids through this and it's only the second day and I feel so stressed and exhausted!!!!!!

I have asked my housing officer when I could move to a more permanent solution and she said I could be in emergency accommodation for months to come and my only option is the rent guarantee scheme.

I am band 4 and have been bidding for council properties but coming as 180. Now that I'm homeless, should I be in a higher band?

I suffer with sciatica and have very bad flare up. When this happens my family at e a big help with children so it's important I'm close to them so I don't know what I'm going to do now in a different town.

Has anyone else been through this? Is there anything else I should be doing?

There is an organisation called turn2us.org.uk that might be able to offer you some help and advice.
I am so sorry you are in this situation OP.
Are you getting help with your sciatica? What exercises/treatment are you doing? is it due to an injury? Just wondering if you can get some support there.
I have sciatica atm and it is miserable.

Hi, thanks for your message.

My sisters are 17 and 18 and my brother is 15.

They are all still young but even if one person did move out, there are 3 of us.

Thank you I will look more into this.

I had very bad sciatica when I was pregnant with my 2nd in 2021 and was signed off from work for months. It did calm down a bit after giving birth but I have bad flare ups now.

I have been having physio which Gp has recommended but the physiotherapist has said I may need an mri as it isn't getting better and may have problems with my discs. Gp however doesn't think I need this and wants me to just manage the pain and try and exercise. I went back to the Gp last week as I've had pain in my right arm coming down from neck and shoulder to the point where I can't even hold a mug, but Gp still isn't bothered and has also referred me to physio for that.

It's really a shame that all the professionals that can help you and make your life easier choose to make it harder.

You have to push really hard, make sure you know exactly what you are talking about, arrive with print outs of connected things and ask the doctor to explain why they don’t think you have this thing when you have nine of the 12 symptoms, and be bloody minded and bullish with it.

That’s how I finally got an M.E. diagnosis.

But I agree. It’s a shame and it causes a lot of stress doing the above.

I am so sorry OP. GPs seem to be very poor when it comes to back problems. Can you see a different one? One thing that helps me is to wear the springiest, air filled sole trainers I can find. Use a light weight rucksack or back pack, never a shoulder bag or a handbag. Learn the safest lifting techniques possible from the physio.
I don't have to carry children now, but I tried to avoid carrying them as much as possible - I would crawl up the stairs with them, or do the steps on my bottom with child on my knee.

@Sammy923 fair enough they are still young.

Have you tried seeing a specialist for your sciatica? There are many exercises you can do to help it. Or cupping could help too.

Have you been parenting alone since 2021 without working, claiming CMS or any benefits?

Yes

I have tried to ask my GP to get me referred but she isn't bothered. I have looked at going private but it'll cost thousands which I don't have.

Physio is giving me exercises to do which I do a few times a day plus looking at exercises on YouTube too.

When I moved out of town yesterday my housing officer said there would only be one set of stairs. There were 2 and on top of that my 2 year old wants to be picked everywhere, he's very clingy. Whilst I was walking up the first set of stairs I felt a twinge in my lower back and fell, I hurt my knee and because I was carrying my son he banged his head on the stairs.

I have already changed GP practices. When I am settled I guess I could move again.

Thanks, is there any brand of shoes that you find are good? I'm wearing cheap ones from Tesco the moment, wonder if sketchers would be good?

My 2 year old is very clingy so wants to be picked everywhere and I guess that must be adding to my pain.

Thanks I will contact the health visitor today. Do you think it's worth writing to my local MP?

Any trainer type shoes with air filled soles take the pressure off your spine. I also have a sacral cushion
(Amazon).
Carrying a 2 year old is going to be the biggest aggravating factor though. It is hard.

It will cost quite a lot for private treatment for sciatica. My dad has kidney failure and is waiting for a transplant and my Mum waiting for an op on her knee. I don't want to burden them.

Yes I've been looking at work from home jobs but I have the kids so it will be difficult.

Thank you so much I'll definitely look into this.

I also want to add that my housing officer hadn't replied to emails which I sent her back in April telling her things at home were getting worse and what options would be open for me.

The assessment she sent me in April had so many wrong details on it one of them being that I was pregnant and due in August.

She sent me plan to say she would register me for the rent guarantee scheme back in April but has only done it yesterday. She has also only put in an application for temporary housing 2 days ago, shouldn't this have been done when we first spoke in April and told her I have to move?

She was extremely rude to me the day I was being made homeless and really stressed me out by saying over and over again that I had to go home and she couldn't do anything and I was in tears. I actually thought I would be on the streets with my children.

Is it worth asking for a different housing officer or speaking to her about all this. Or should I leave it as it may make things worse? She just keeps banding on about renting is my only bloody option!!!!!!!

Most of them are about to lose their jobs in 3 weeks' time. So, sadly, no. They're either out campaigning or trying to hold the shreds of their jobs together and I doubt they'll be able to find time to help you. But: never say never. If you have to send a letter to the person who replaces them then you might as well send one now and keep your fingers crossed.

After the election, yes. New incumbents will be keen to prove themselves and will be all over 'issues.'

Which local authority? Shelter set out rules around homelessness that apply to all local authorities. A family with dependent children are deemed to be in priority need. Please get some support from the CAB re benefits and housing, and/or Shelter.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness

I have contacted shelter England, they said they can't comment on the banding because each council is different.

I am in Reading and this is what it says.

I contacted the allocations team and the lady on the other end seems to think band 4 is correct.

so sorry your going through this.

I would be contacting your MP and also the media. As soon as you say you are going to the media they’ll get things moving! Also citizens advice! You should be on a much higher banding.

Where is the children's father? Can he not house his children, at least temporarily?

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why all of the responsibility always seems to fall on the women in these situations.

Because it is far too easy for men to walk away.

Please read the ops posts. It is a case of won’t, not can’t.

Reading recently changed their priority bandings because people in situations like yours make up the vast majority of those on their housing register: there are so many of you that you can’t all fit into top priority. Without other specific circumstances, a higher banding will be difficult to get placed in.

The reality is that staff have huge caseloads and virtually every family on your housing officer’s caseload will be in similar - or much worse - situations to yours and will also be constantly phoning her to try to get their case more attention and to the top of her list. You’re in Reading, there are thousands of people waiting for social housing and very little of it available at any one time - that’s why you’re being encouraged towards private renting, because otherwise you could be waiting years. Plus, whilst your case may be genuine, women with children saying they’ve been “kicked out” by the family they’ve been living with because they think this will get them immediate priority for a council house is one of the oldest tricks in the book: the housing officer doesn’t know whether you’re one of these or genuinely homeless. It isn’t nice to feel as though the housing officer has no time for you, but it’s a hard job and they’re working with loads of people wanting everything and very little to give them.

@ComtesseDeSpair That's why I wondered which LA the OP had applied to. Your post makes it clear.

Kids Dad left before my 2nd was even born and hasn't even been back to see his kids. Not even any contact!

How the fuck does this happen? Not having a go at you OP, but it seems to be so common these days.

Surely there was an indication that this man was not good father material/didn't want kids before you got pregnant. Or was he lying and pretending that he was deeply in love and wanting a family with you?

It's utterly baffling that men get away with this. The court should order him to pay child support.