Have fallen out of love with my home with cost of extension

[Joop21]

Morning, I appreciate this might sound extremely ungrateful but I just needed to vent as I'm getting myself worked up over how much our extension has cost.
We've had a two storey wraparound extension completed last year (added circa 80m2). There were lots of issues with our groundwork so not the best start however the cost seems to have spiralled since. We had my partners close cousin helping us source various trades however what we didn't realise is that he hadn't agreed any prices beforehand and we ended up paying a daily rate which was extortionate (we didn't realise until we got a significant bill afterwards). I feel so foolish that we just trusted him, but he is someone who works in that circle. He knew our budget, and in fact advised us that it would be sufficient. When we questioned him afterwards he admitted that he didn't know what the daily rate was.

Long story short, we've gone significantly over budget (about 80-90k - I've stopped counting now). We've had to borrow money from family, get personal loans and a credit card to get to the point of moving back in. The repayments on everything takes a huge chunk of our wages, and we've got three children also.

I have a close friend who has had a similar extension done after us (probably slightly bigger than ours) which was 100k less.
It is really making me despise our house, which is hurting as we've been planning this for over 5 years.

Please tell me we're not the only one's who have gone significantly over budget.

Sorry for the long read, and rant.

You are not the only ones. My neighbour had exactly the same experience paying a daily rate on a project. They also had a lot of trouble with groundworks which has basically destroyed their garden as they went too deep and the soil.removed has altrred the level of the garden.They have totally run out of money now, they can't finish it and they are living in one room in their converted garage.

It's a much bigger project but they went over budget by £300k. Their house has just been a shell for 18 months now. They have already cashed in their pensions and are trying to sell.half of their garden to get some money to finish the house but it's not selling. I feel awful for them.

Oh goodness, that is so terrible for them. Our garden is chaotic but that can be a project for next Summer. It's so disheartening, but I think when you work so hard to save for it and get told multiple times that your budget is sufficient (even by the contractor who did the ground works, demolition, and the main structural stuff) it's understandable. He is a close friend of my partners family so it's very blurred tbh.

We do know all of the tradespeople who were working at the house, so one thing is that we know everything has been done well.

Thank you so much for replying.

You are not the only ones. I used to watch "property ladder" with Sarah Beeney and every renovation went wildly over budget. Now I watch Grand Designs and it happens all the time with renovations on there too. And I read about other people's experiences on the property forum of Mumsnet and it's common for renovations to go way over budget on here too.

Tbh I would be too scared to do an extension or renovation project myself because I've heard so many stories like yours of costs spiralling. The most I've done recently is replace an en suite & even with that simple job the costs escalated beyond the original intention. Builders can charge a lot right now and building materials have rocketing also, plus there are often unforeseen complications once the work commences.

But people generally seem to say that they do fall back in love with their houses once the renovation is complete and they eventually come to terms with the huge overspend. I hope it works out for you in the end. At least you know that everything has been done to a good quality as you say, that is actually the main thing in the long run.

Grand Designs has been my saving grace 🤣🤣. Keeps me on a level ground I guess, and made me feel better about things.
I honestly don't think I'd have been as bothered if we weren't given a hugely unrealistic budget of 150k (as we also had the full house rewired, new central heating system and radiators throughout, and all new windows). We wouldn't have commenced the work until we knew we could've afforded it.

Thank you for the reassurance. I really do appreciate it 😊.

I work in the industry and prices have sky-rocketed for everything. It is not unusual at all for projects to go over-budget due to unforeseen circumstances. We always try and get a QS to do a cost plan early on in the design/planning process so there are no unwelcome surprises and I would really recommend doing this. It adds a cost initially but can really pay off.

You will love the house again once you start living in it. You have to consider whether what you have spent and the value of your house would have bought you a new house that matches your requirements in the same way - very often that's a no!

Thank you for the pep talk. I sometimes find that I go into a spiral with it as we have to continue to put any spare money into savings to finish the internal of the house.
The irony is that my partners cousin is a QS 😳.

We do know that we couldn't have afforded a house the size we needed in our area, or certainly not one that wouldn't have required a lot of cosmetic work. We have done this to be our forever home and I need to keep repeating that mantra.

Thanks again, appreciate it. I'm certainly feeling a bit better about it all.

What responsibility is he taking for messing up so badly? I think I'd be much more forgiving on a layman but a QS organising trades without checking pricing?! That sounds ludicrous (and very frustrating). Obviously he isn't financially responsible as he wasn't employed but I hope he's suitably mortified.

I'm sorry OP, I can only imagine how stressful it is. We're in the process of moving to avoid having to extend.

As others have said, I think the only way to make peace with it is to realise that the costs will come down over time and at least you're happy with the quality. I'm not sure about your relationship with your cousin though, I think I'd struggle to move on from that for a while!

Yes, I think that's the biggest thing. I find it really hurtful that he volunteered to help us out (we were originally trying to find a contractor - they were all extremely expensive too) but then basically couldn't be bothered and made a crap effort with it all. He sits back and revels at how good everyone says it looks, whilst I was on the brink throughout the whole process as he was just so unhelpful (but we'd got stuck with it).

I honestly don't think he thinks he's done anything wrong, he just comments how expensive everything is now. He told me my friend was lying about the cost of their extension 🫠

I can't bear to be in the same room as him at the moment but also battling with the fact that his initial intention was good, but his overall effort was diabolical. He did help us out with covering some costs (loan) and managed to get some freebies for us, it's still hard to come to terms with though. Can't help but think how different it'd be if he'd been paying for everything for his own hoise. A very bitter pill.

Yes, he clearly bailed and I think most people would be fuming that he allowed the project to go so overbudget.

It would be fine is he came to you and said something like "Joop, it's looking like the plastering/kitchen/flooring is going to come in over budget. To bring it back, you'll need to amend the material/layout/delay the next part of the extension. What do you want to do?". That way you'd have the choice. But instead he lumbered you with the full consequences and now boasts as if the finances isn't the most important aspect. I mean, anyone can do a good job with carte blanch finances.

He sounds like a knob. I'd suck it up in front of him and family to avoid looking 'ungrateful' but behind the scenes I'd be majorly distancing myself and don't rely on him again. Lesson learned, expensive, but it could have been worse.

I've been there, but we did ours to sell and lucky managed to cover our overspend but the feeling of being disappointed is very real.

Try not to focus on way you're feeling and totally think it's the house - if things had been done a different way, costs could have been kept down - try and put it down to experience and try and enjoy what you've got now - appreciate that's easier said than done though.