Buying a house by myself while in a long term relationship

[Prepqueen]

Hey everyone, I’ve been in a relationship with my SO for 3 years and we have actively discussed marriage and kids in the next few years. I’ve been saving up to buy a place as I’m currently sick of renting and we’re not living together although he bought his place a year and half into us being together. We’ve discussed that when we decide to live together whether that’s before marriage or after getting married, I would be moving into house although we have both said we would prefer to buy a place together so it feels like home for both of us equally. My dilemma currently is, should i buy my own place which would need to be either put up for rent or sold when we get married as I’d be moving in with him?

having looked into the practicalities of this a lot recently my concerns are:

If I buy somewhere with the intention of moving out and renting it out, I’d have to live there for at least until the first 5 years fixed term ends which would allow me to re-mortgage for a let to buy mortgage - this would delay our plans as a couple

There are lots of issues with renting and being a landlord that I naively hadn’t considered previously and I’m not sure it’s worth the hassle for me

However, owning my own home and having that as my own asset separate from whatever asset we have together has always been a goal of mine

what would you advise in this situation? Wait until we get married and buy a place together and then eventually buy an investment property of my own? Or go ahead and buy my place now anyway?

I own a home separate to my DH, I bought it 2 years into our relationship, it gives me security that I just don't want to give up. I have considered renting it but I don't want the hassle either. I do live in the property though it doesn't just stand empty, its my main home as I don't want to live in his home county

You're not married yet and relationships can end. Invest in yourself and your own financial security.

I’d just keep saving and buy together if you’re getting married and having kids. Less hassle.

I bought a place a couple of years into our relationship and my partner has lived in it with me for ten years, and we’re now buying a place together to see our days out. But we never planned to get married or have kids so it made sense to keep our finances separate until we were sure things were going to last. After thirteen years we’re finally making the leap!

If marriage isn't on the horizon after 3 years, will things change any time soon? Or will another few years go by before that next step? Because that's a lot of years spent renting when you could have bought.

I purchased a flat on a 5 year fixed about 10 years ago , I was made redundant and rented it out. I got permission to let from my mortgage provider. That could be an option

It's been 3 years and you're actively discussing marriage and kids but you don't live together - any particular reason why not?

Buy for the you today. Do what your partner did and secure your own future.

Not being married after three years when you’re in your twenties isn’t a big deal I don’t think. Thanks for your response - I also had to continue to saving and have only gotten to a point both with salary and deposit where I can be in a position to buy alone

We’ve both enjoyed having our own space and we’re not in a rush to live together just because we’ve been together for a certain amount of time

Thanks very much, this is a helpful reality check and thanks for wording it so kindly

All the more reason to buy your own home, on your own terms. Good luck, it's an exciting stage!

I wouldn’t buy. Keep the savings and if you move in you can use them to equalise his investment in his property and live together with a smaller mortgage.
Renting is a massive hassle and you are u likely to even break even. Costs of buying are also unlikely to be recouped if you sell after a few years.

If you split up before you move in. Great. You have your savings. After you move in. Great. You own half.

The above is assuming he’s willing. Also that you can afford it.

Have you looked at what you can buy and what it would rent out for? Factoring in 20% for costs and voids and including loss of interest on your deposit?

You can get consent to let from your lenders, you don't have to wait 5 years until your residential mortgage expires.

Buy definitely. A family member had this opportunity in her 20's but instead decided to move in with a man. (After a series of frankly disastrous relationships) Now she's in her 50's moving in with another (unsuitable) man. If she had bought the little house when she had the chance at least she would have always had her own security and something to fall back on.

Not just because of a certain amount of time, but would you commit to marry someone (or have kids with them) if you've never lived together?

(I think you should buy your own property either way)

I wouldn’t be buying a house with someone I haven’t lived with

Neither would I. Definitely live with someone first.

Another idea, buy a home now, not to live in, but to rent out. Start out with a BTL mortgage, be paying equity, have an asset and a ready made home to fall back on, should the need arise.

I wouldn’t be in a hurry to be a landlord these days but I would buy in your position, just being careful to take a mortgage with no or a low early repayment charge or a 2 year fix.

A friend’s DD bought a couple of years ago and then sold after a year as changed job and area. She’s about to buy again and her partner will be living with her and then probably move in at some point. I think she is sensible.

I would buy the house and have it as your asset separate to him. I have this, though admittedly i had bought it before I met DH but would have done so even if we were already dating. My late dad told me that owning assets was more important than marriage for a woman and he was right. Whatever that asset is (Car, housem pension, investments etc) - if you're lucky enough to be able to afford a house alone you should. It offers far more security and safety than a marriage. I actually bought the place when I was with my exDH (before we got married) and when we separated and then divorced it was brilliant having my own place to move back to. I wouldn't have been able to buy in London (where I live) if I'd waited till after divorce to do so - prices rise so quickly, it's better to buy the minute you can afford to.

In both my previous marriage and this one - I rent my place out and have bought a new place with DH. A 2 year fixed may be a good option for you rather than 5. I have always taken 2 year mortgages on any place that wasn't going to be a family or forever home - makes it easy to sell/rent if circumstances change. And depending on where it is, if an area of high appreciation, you can remortgage onto more favourable rates because the market has increased your LTV without input from you.

Also until your married, don't commit to buying a house with a partner. The nightmare that will ensure if you break up isn't worth it. Divorce is painful anyway but splitting an asset without marriage is even harder. I've had friends who've been stuck living in the house with their ex-partners because it was a stand off on who was going to buy out the other or sell - and it's so expensive and tedious for a relationship that didn't turn into marriage (prob because people thought that was too expensive/tedious/piece of paper etc).

Also I know everyone says to live together before marriage, and previously I would have too. But I did live with my exH for 2 years and turns out living in a 1 bed city flat was not the same as living in a suburban house together. So you really can't prepare for every eventuality. DH and I were together for 4 years before we got married and stayed in our separate places but spent enough time with each other, on long holidays, over the festive period to know each other well enough. We now live together and far less issues than with my previous marriage.

If you buy this place, enjoy it for yourself. It might be one of the last times you ever get to live alone and just do whatever you want - make the most of it, you've got the rest of your life to cohabit.

Thinking about it

I owned my house when I met the woman who is now my wife.

My mother died and I was able to buy a house outright for us but as it was 2007/8 we could not sell my old mortgaged house which I let for a while until the tenants vacated and I sold it.

My comment might be that if letting a mortgaged house 'went wrong' it could bring you down financially especially if you had a young family and finances were tight

Personally I would keep renting and keep saving.

If your relationship ends, you could buy then. But buying now means paying stamp duty, solicitor fees, surveys etc when there's a good chance in a year or two you'll want to sell and pay it all over again on a house together. At that point you could be in negative equity unless the housing market picks up significantly.

If you're serious about each other, I would use this time to talk about plans and timescales.

Is there a reason why you don't live together yet? In his house?

Very good advice.

If you have chance to buy a property (not a high service charge one) do. Bricks and mortar is an investment for any woman regardless of relationship status.