New home and struggling, help needed.

[Cholcis]

So myself, DH and 6 year old have just moved into a 3 bed terraced house. The previous owner left it a complete mess which meant I spent the first weekend in cleaning. We’ve had the roof done, electrics sorted and some basic plumbing issues temporarily sorted but the bathroom needs replacing, kitchen needs replacing and there’s a lot of cosmetic stuff that need doing (skirting, carpets, a room repainted). Every little thing I see and I hate. All I do is look at other peoples houses and compare to them. We bought the house for £165000 (35,000 deposit) to get out of renting our measly 2 bed flat (695 per month) for a mortgage of £595 per month. Obviously it was a no brainer with the added bedroom and garden but how do people get over the cosmetic stuff they can’t afford? DH doesn’t see anything wrong with the place but to me it’s dated. I want nothing more than to put in a new bathroom but we’ve got £18,000 in savings and we’re living off one salary (DH unemployed and looking for work). I know we could easily do the bathroom with that but then I don’t want to be left without enough for unexpected repairs. Has anyone got any advice? It’s driving me crazy. I’m crying all the time and obsessing over every little detail.

If you have moved into a doer upper to do over time you are not going to get a show home any time soon - so stop comparing.

If possible I would paint the rooms to freshen them up - and try to have one room that you like and and can enjoy if possible. Maybe the living room. Just paint white/cream or a colour you like so you have a fresh blank canvas for the time being. Maybe take a week off work annual leave and paint through. You need to accept the other stuff is going to take time.

The good thing is that you've had electrics done, so as you work through the house you hopefully won't have to rip things out and redo (always do electrics as early as possible!).

Make a list, room by room, of things you'd like to do. Identify the cheaper jobs (as pp said, painting walls to freshen up will help) and do them as money becomes available. Things like skirting boards, try to do all in one go if you can,

We focused on lounge & kids bedroom, so at least we could have somewhere nice to relax. Kitchen and bathroom were the last to be done.

You will get there, just not overnight.

We've been in our house ten years and still have rooms we've never decorated and have got used to chocolate brown carpets!

Remember that you've made a purchase which is beneficial in the long-term. A lick of paint can work wonders; don't get distracted by people who either have lots more money or furnish on credit.

Maybe make a list of little things you can work on and you can feel better as you tackle each one.

If it makes you feel better we bought a renovation and have done everything apart from the main bathroom (we have a downstairs shower room). The main bathroom is back to brick and we have a green minging toilet (DF wants this out but I need a wee in the night). We've been like this since July 2022 and we now have a wedding to pay for so I doubt it'll be done until 2026 😬 it's just one of those things we've got to live with until we have the money. I would hold off using your savings until your partner is back in work but in the mean time get some quotes/can you do some stuff yourself?/get looking at what you want etc.

You're very fortunate to now be owning a house but unfortunately these things take time.

Paste the wall wallpaper is miracle stuff.

If you have slightly uneven walls and want a really quick and very effective refresh of a room that just needs a cosmetic lift then you can easily do a room in a day and there are loads of options for £20ish a roll or less if you get lucky with a sale.

If your woodwork is in decent condition then just cleaning, lightly sanding and adding a fresh coat of paint makes a room look immediately fresher and more polished.

What's actually wrong with your bathroom? Do you really need a full rip out and refit or would a change of wall colour, new towel rail, loo roll holder and accessories be enough to make you like it more?

We bought our fixer upper 14 years ago, with 1980s terracotta brown bathroom suite, we're finally getting that replaced in a couple of weeks. These things take time.

Just take the time to work out what you really need (not want). If your kitchen and bathroom function OK, are hygienic, and aren't a health hazard then that's all you need.
Give it a year. Save up, and take the time in the meantime to see how the family uses the space and how the light and shadow affect each room across the day and across the seasons.

We have always bought doer uppers, the only way we could afford to buy. It's definitely not an overnight process. I have to admit, our first priority was the kitchen, which is open plan at the end of the living room. It had very few cupboards and a boiler on the middle of the wall. New boiler went in the loft,DH, fitted the kitchen,he was working with a long drive commute. He had to dig up the concrete floor to lay new pipes. It took 4 months, and I wanted to kill him! Realistically,it took about 6 years. Contractors for new external door, windows, conservatory roof,side panels,windows, guttering, soffits, drive, boiler. He fitted new rads, internal doors, kitchen, bathroom, laminate flooring through out, wardrobes,it's been decorated 3 times in the 12 years we've lived here. Bear in mind,you will live in a building site and it's hell. After the kitchen I said I would live with the 60s bathroom suite rather than a building site!

I would expect to save for each job .Have a list and a plan .You can prioritise the rooms you use most. If it is going to take many years i agree with the pp who said to buy cheap paint and just freshen up the rooms that you find most offensive .Doing things properly when you can afford it will give you most satisfaction. Don't let superficial things take away from your pleasure in having improved your living situation it sounds as if you have done well and have reasonable prospects of things improving further when your DH is working.

Thanks for the posts everyone, keep them coming.

our bedroom was repainted before we moved in so that’s my happy place. Yeah the carpet is stained but I can live with that. The bathroom doesn’t need a full refit it’s just tired and the tiles need regrouting. Thing is, neither of us are handy/good at diy. We did my daughter’s room last weekend- fully took off wallpaper, base coat on black walls and painted pink and it was stressful. The skirting needs tidying up as well as the splotches on the ceiling but she’s happy.

woodwork is mostly ok and nothing a lick of paint won’t fix, I just don’t have the time now since I work 40 hours a week and rarely see my child. I’m trying to see it as a long term project. Everything is serviceable, but it is old and dated. I think over the summer we might paint the skirting and touch up ceilings. We’re tidying the garden as well. I just want to be happy but I can’t stop seeing the negatives.

The majority of the rooms are ok for paint, we’ve just done our daughters room (ripped off wallpaper and repainted), we just need to tidy up the skirting and splotches of pink from where our daughter helped, which we will do over the summer.

living room is fine paint wise, yes it’s not tidy but we don’t have the same colour paint and I have no clue how to figure out what the shade is. The skirting in areas isn’t level with the wooden flooring but that’s one thing we will fill in over the summer with caulk.

I don’t get much annual leave and I don’t want to spend the only time I do have with my child painting rooms. I’m happy to do small bits here and there though.

I know everything else will take time but how do I accept accept it? Do people live with paint jobs that aren’t clean and tidy? No matter how hard I try it’ll never look like a professionals

Thank you for this. Does your house need a lot doing to it? Or have you managed to do most?

Can your DH not just get all the easy stuff done while he’s not working? Painting is pretty basic if you do the prep properly - it may not look perfect but it’ll look better.

^^ It needs plenty doing to it! We both work full time with DC and, although willing, don't have a lot of time for DIY. I understand it can be frustrating, but OH gets more upset with mess and clutter than the basic decor. Painting the rooms our own colour choices has made a big difference and try not to look at the awful woodwork!

Up side is that we invested in rewire and solar panels early and otherwise don't spent a lot and know that when DC takes up less time (and kids less likely to ruin furnishings) we will have funds to do things nicely in a house we've nearly paid off. Patience.

Going against the grain here… if you really hate the bathroom and have £18k in savings I’d be getting it done. You should be able to get it completely redone for around £5-7k depending on the finishes you choose, maybe even less if you’re cautious and source a lot of things yourself and get someone well recommended and local to fit it (ours cost £6.5k). You’ll still have a lot of savings left compared to most people and if it’s going to make you feel better then I’d go for it.

I've always hated our bathroom. It's a 60s old lady vibe to it but we can't afford to rip it out. What helped me is just adding a few things to it which I did like so everytime I go in I focus on them and not the negatives. For example I bought a new pull chord handle for the light, new funky blind, funky bath mat and tile stickers. That's often foe me at the moment, it's not perfect by a long shot but theres bits of my taste in there now.

Buying a doerupper means just that, doing it up as time & finances allow.
Never leave yourself short just so you can have a new bathroom/kitchen if the existing is functional.
It is a long haul but (eventually) will be immensely gratifying when you look around and see that the house is now as YOU want it and all done by your own fair hands (even if those hands paid tradesmen).

Had two houses like that.
My first was nasty and needed a complete refresh but after 3-years (when I sold) it was all redecorated and no-longer an embarrassment to have people around.
My second was much nicer and although I had a new kitchen & bathroom fitted in the first few weeks, this was out of choice as the house was generally in a pleasant, neat & tidy condition. Over the next 31-years that house was knocked around, extended (more than once), remodelled, had the garden completely landscaped (by us alone) and was totally unrecognisable when we came to sell.

Our new house is completely the opposite.
By now, being in our mid-50's and about to (early) retire we wanted it all done at the start so we could appreciate the house & garden right from the start (and of course by now we could afford it).
Chose a newbuild that had the exact layout we wanted, paid to have lots of options done by the developer so there was nothing to be done when we moved in (upgraded kitchen & bathrooms, tiling, carpets & flooring, appliances, extra power sockets, lighting, TV & ethernet points etc etc). In the garden, we are doing all the planting (the nice bit) but got people in to landscape and build the patio etc. We even bought all new furniture (while keeping just a few of our nicest pieces), it was an (expensive) decision that allowed us to model every room just as we wanted rather than trying to arrange furniture that didn't quite fit.

Take a deep breath and remember....... it will get done and you will have your lovely house but it just takes time.

Do you have anyone in your family or friendship group who can help you OP?When I got my first house my dad and grandad taught me loads of DIY.

Since then I've done up loads of houses using the skills they taught me, stuff I learned from DIY TV shows and youtube.

As I write I'm in my latest new house which I hope to turn into my forever home. The paint is peeling off the walls, the ceiling is falling in in places, the bathroom is hideous and the whole house was last decorated 25 years ago.

You asked how do you accept it? Well I just do - it's really not important to have everything 'done' in the scheme of things. I count my blessings and know it'll all get done in time.

Can you just live with it all and enjoy this summer with your daughter? That's what's important - not your bathroom decor. You have a home and there'll be time to make it gorgeous later and hopefully the money too when your DH gets a new job.

Don't fret love. You'll be alright.

I know the feeling OP. Our house is completely liveable but when I look round all I can see is the jobs that need doing… battered skirting boards, paintwork on doors needs redoing, new main bathroom needed, area of ceiling that needs painting, living room carpet needs replacing etc etc. We both work full time and have 3 kids, including one who is disabled and needs round the clock supervision so we just don’t have the time to do any of the jobs, and it really really stresses me out seeing all the jobs that need doing and knowing there’s no realistic chance that they will be done in the next 5 years.

This. I needed this. Thank you.

My dad is getting on a bit and has arthritis so can’t really do much anymore. DH parents have been helping with the garden but they live down south (we’re up north in Preston. They are in Malvern) so it’s a trip for them. I’ve tried doing diy and it’s just not me.

this is what I want - to enjoy the summer and Christmas in our new home and maybe next year make a start when DH has a job. While she’s young I don’t want to disrupt her with ripping out rooms.

I can’t say we’re in the same boat as I only have one child but thank you for this. It’s helpful knowing that others have the same problems or worse and have accepted it to enjoy life.

Crying all the time because of some interior decor, and can’t stop comparing it to other people’s houses?

I don’t mean to sound rude, but you own your own house - something a lot of people can only dream of. Be massively proud of that instead of obsessing over the decor IMO.

I’m only 27 and I feel as if it all has to be done now. But everything is liveable at the moment. I’m just struggling to LIVE with it and enjoy life.

Patience. I need this. Everything is generally liveable, old but working. I guess I’m anxious it will all come crashing down

5k but what happens if the boiler goes in winter? Or we have a leak? We need a cushion for that.

Congratulations on the new home, OP! We had to buy a bit of a doer-upper and similarly had to do stuff bit by bit, but not having kids makes it much easier. As others have said, focus on what you can do, do a bit at a time (is it easier to get help with your daughter than the painting?), get some cheap things to help, or things you can put in like towel rings that you can also envisage using in your beautiful new bathroom once you've saved up. The Dulux mobile app helps with visualising things and also finding paint colours if you want a refresh. Good luck!!