Neighbours talking over fence in back garden

[Jeha]

Hi everyone!

in need of advice please!

we have some overly friendly neighbours whom we are totally happy to speak to and engage in courteous neighbourly chit chat at the front of our house, but they have raised decking in the back garden which can lead them to very easy poke their heads over the fence and talk to us while we are in our back garden.

This is becoming a bit of an issue for someone who hates the idea of conflict but I want my back garden to be private and not a place where a head pokes over.

my fence is the max height it can be so I cannot resort to raising it any higher but I don’t want to cause conflict with said neighbours.

I do think back gardens should be private and not for neighbours to assume they can just collar us in this way because they can!

Help!

Headphones, and/or a canvas sail thing attached to the fence.
No need for conflict, you can say you're not feeling very chatty today, or are enjoying your book, thanks and put headphones on and ignore them.

I sould put headphones in even if not listening to anything and hope they get the message.

Headphones.
Book.
Phone conversation with someone else.
One word responses.

Trellis above the fence and a lovely clematis? And never mind whether said clematis ever actually climbs that high.

Could you plant some pleached trees or hedging, like this? Very clear message then.

Pretend listening on headphones method isn't ideal if OP is sitting out with her husband/partner/family with whom she does actually want to interact! Agree with a barrier, such as a tilted parasol on your side adjacent to where their decking is, so blocking the view of you when they're on their decking.

I have the same issue. My neighbours aren’t too intrusive but just walking on the deck puts them head and shoulders above the fence. Until recently there was a summerhouse but they took it down. I’m considering growing bamboo along the fence line as it gets really tall, really quickly. It’s a bit invasive so will have to be in some kind of trough planters. I feel your pain.

Ideal! (But probably expensive).

Oh god don't do bamboo it's a nightmare! The owners before us planted it all along the back and now we're going to have to spend hundreds to get it professionally removed. We've trimmed it back but it grows so quickly and sets up roots in other places it's slowly getting closer to the grass and I imagine has crept into the garden behind ours. Definitely not worth the privacy

Trellis, Clematis and/or climbing roses. And keep conversations short, lovely day, yes it is, must get on. I do like the peace and quiet out here. I'm just going to sit and relax.

If their decking has raised the height of their garden can you raise your fence to match?

Well then keep the private conversation going and don't let neighbour become part of it.

I’d put those curved trellis things along the top.

Mum used to nod politely but not really engage in the conversation. Then she would pretend not to hear (she probably didn’t, half the time).

The neighbours were autistic and had Asperger’s and had no sense of an ‘off’ button.

You would be surprised at how common it is. My OH is autistic and I have to regularly remind him of what is socially appropriate! I don’t think it would begin to occur to him that people might not want to be talked to in their gardens unless I told him.

If it makes you feel any better, my road could literally be Coronation Street in that everyone knows everyone and everything. Neighbours regularly have shouty conversations across gardens with their 'next door but one' and its hilarious. I must admit, I've done it as well!

If I don't want to talk to anyone, I literally crawl up my garden and park myself where no one can see me.

There are types of bamboo that those not spread, ut thickens but does not send out runners. It's well over 20 years in my parents garden with not spreading. I plan on using it in mine too

Well, that's fine when OP and others are already in the garden mid-conversation at the point of the neighbours coming out. If the neighbours shout, "Coo-eee! 👋" over the fence when there's a natural pause in the chat, it's a bit harder to ignore. And if the neighbours are already out when the OP and husband head out into their own garden then it would take brass balls to blatantly ignore them if they were saying hello.

Look over, say hi, and then return to conversation...'so, as I was saying...'.
Don't let them push boundaries.

The boundaries have already been pushed, trampled even!
Needs to be more about physically blocking, as OP has said she doesn't like conflict and I know people love to go on here about how they would 'calmly and politely' say XYZ awkward thing face to face, they just wouldn't in reality.

@RichardsGear I would do what I've already suggested. I will add that we also planted a very large bush close to our door a good few years ago, for privacy. Current neighbour told me she thinks it's 'ugly' - in reality it's not actually ugly at all and also serves the purpose perfectly. 🤣