Relocate to buy vs stay put and rent

[TiredmummyXYU]

At my wits end here and feel like I need a grown up's advice!

Have been renting in London all my adult life. We have saved enough for a deposit to relocate to the Midlands. We have one child in year 1 and a 3 year old in nursery.

There is no way we can afford to buy in London and want them to grow up somewhere nicer

My job has offices elsewhere but will still be an hour and a half commute each way to new home. I already feel that I'm not there enough for my kids ie we rely on wraparound care to accommodate our working hours. Company policy is to be in the office 2-3 times a week. I'm worried that I'll spend less time with my kids (I already feel guilty uprooting their lives) and spend lots of time/money commuting. I'd love to work less hours/get a job in new area but worried we won't get a mortgage if I'm earning less

Our initial idea is to rent in new area while we secure schools/house hunt

The thought of the whole process is stressing me to the point of not sleeping and we haven't even started! I'm contemplating just stating put and paying extortionate rent forever!

Sorry for rambling I'm just clueless!!

Why have you picked the Midlands and what’s your budget?

Personally I definitely wouldn’t move to a location where I was looking at 3 hours of commuting per day unless that was only once a week at most. And it sounds like you’d resent the commute.

Thanks for your reply. Picked a particular area as we have friends there and have been visiting for many years, it's affordable, schools are good. We would never be able to afford to buy down south and pur current area is really going downhill. We have a lovely school currently but wouldn't feel safe with our kids growing up as teenagers here. Also we have a bad run of landlords selling up on us so renting feels less and less secure!

My aim would be to eventually get a job in the new area but you're right I'm dreading a commute and time away from kids

That commute isn't bad, I do two hours each way twice a week, I'm just thankful I no longer have to do it every day as I used to (with a four year old and nine month old in school/nursery too at that time.)

What about your partner? Can they wfh on the days you go in and vice versa? That works for us, plus breakfast club and after school activities.

Is the 1.5 hour commute door to door or is that train time? If door to door it would probably be ok of you could get away with 2 days a week in the office, as you’d then have 3 days not commuting and being around for your DC. I’d do it anyway though, if you can’t buy where you are now then you’d be much better off moving.

If you are sure you like the area and have the beginnings of a social life there, go for it.

Then change job as soon as you can.

I'm 60 and from next year I will never have to pay rent again. It's been a long haul but it feels good. 🙂

I wouldn’t move to the Midlands from London without having a job there if you have to be in the office 2-3 days a week. I would instead move to somewhere within a half hour train journey from London like Reading or Hertford or Essex (depending on where your office is, look at the train line from the nearest big station, & see what places are within an easy commute).

You get a lot more for your money once you move outside the M25 and don’t have to go as far as the Midlands. Though I also question why the responsibility of collecting children from wraparound care seems to be all on you, where is your partner in this and surely they could help with childcare too?

Oh my husband currently gets involved in drop offs/pick ups too. His hours are a bit more rigid and he'd have to commute into London as he has no alternate offices so an even longer commute for him. He just doesn't feel the parental guilt like me! He is much more focused in the long game and the better life, whereas I'm thinking about my small, squishy babies and not being able to pick them up straight from school everyday (again I currently don't pick them up straight from school everyday due to working hours)

So you both have to be in a London office on a regular basis? Sorry but it doesn’t sound a good idea to move as far away as the Midlands with this being the case.

I think I would try and make the move to midlands work for you. Can you speak to your bosses going into office 2 days a week? It’s hard and disruptive to get new staff so maybe they will accommodate this. You are securing your children’s future by buying a house. You know the area you are moving to and have friends there. It will feel familiar to you which to me I would need. Rents are increasing all the time. And you say the area you live in is going downhill. I woukd find it hard to rent knowing that the landlord can turf you out although maybe a labour government would give you more security. Really feel for you.

Is your husband on board with you for this move.

I'd do it with view to you both finding new jobs once moved.

Season ticket could cost thousands as well??

Would you and your DH need to be in London on the same days or could you alternate? Because you'll need a plan for picking up the DCs early if they fall ill, have an accident, etc.

I think the Midlands is too far and would look for somewhere that's an hour each way door to door max. Even if you have to buy a smaller house there must be somewhere. Grantham? Ask another question on here looking for a location commutable to London and giving your office locations within London and you'll get lots of ideas.

Also try this mapping tool https://traveltime.com/blog/london-commuter-map-wheres-best-to-live-meet-friends

How about south Northamptonshire? It would be much easier to commute to London, but also much cheaper than surrounding counties. Somewhere like Brackley, possibly.

Thanks everyone for the responses, lots of very different answers! I appreciate them all!
We definitely want to buy eventually which is impossible where we are and I'm guessing a move sooner rather than later will be the best for the kids before they're too settled. We chose the particular area as we have friends there and know the surroundings but the commuting may be a bit of a sticking point. Perhaps it is a case of sucking it up until we are settled with the aim to find more local jobs. It's just terrifying!

Oh my goodness just go for it! You’ve decided where you are is not where you want to bring your kids up and know you can’t afford to buy. Renting any longer makes no sense at all. It’s a buyer’s market right now!

Change is scary and relocations are hard …..but they also bring adventures and mean your life is fuller of more, different experiences and mean you are not one of those people who are stuck somewhere because you’re too afraid of what change might mean. Loads of people relocate- Mumsnet is full of threads about it.

The Midlands is a big place. What area of the Midlands are you considering? Different parts of the Midlands are very different in terms of provision, commutes, train services, child care ECT.

I would really, really look closely at the commute. Especially if you are both commuting to London and relying on trains. Trains in some parts of the Midlands are not nearly as reliable or frequent as trains in London. Signalling problems are common and can mean trains are cancelled for hours with no real timely workaround. Carefully consider, what happens if both your offices insist on 4 days a week in the office? What happens re pickups if you both get trapped in traffic or signal failures?

What kind of childcare do you need? I know our area in the Midlands the childcare hours are almost all 8-5.30 you are well and truly paying through the nose for anything before 8 and anything after 5 and those child care places that do pre 8am and post 5.30 childcare are like hens teeth round here. The 3 parents I know that need it, 2 have hired a nanny (at great expense and had to wait for them to finish their previous nanny job). The other drives 25 minutes out of her way to the one day nursery that does 7am starts. This is the only day nursery that does any earlier than 8am, it's more expensive than any of the others and you need to put the DC names down within weeks of birth.

Are you in a "portable job"? Ie Jobs that are not London centric. Or will you struggle to find something similar when you move. You may find you need to take a pay cut for a similar job up in the Midlands. Will this affect your affordability for the house?

Where is your support system? Again, paid for weekend/ evening childcare is not nearly as common as London. If you want an evening out or weekend evening out you are looking at a local teenager not a nanny or child care professional round us. Are your support system willing or able to travel?

It's a big move and will need careful consideration. Good luck and hopefully you will find something. There are some lovely parts of the Midlands and the fact you have friends there that are happy is good news.