I've come to realise I don't like the house I bought less than a year ago. Please help me think more positively

[HouseHannah]

I downsized last summer from the family home we'd lived in for 24 years. My dh died 7 years ago, and my dc are adults now. 2 live away, one lives at home and one is at university. The family home was too big, too expensive to maintain, and it was just time to move.

After looking for nearly 2 years, I found a house that I felt ticked all the boxes. I knew that there were some things I wanted to do to it, but since I never intended to move again, that was ok. I didn't like it when we first moved in but I kept telling myself that that was because it was so very different from the old house, it would be lovely when all the work was done, and it would take time.

Ten months later, all the work is nearly done. But - it turned out that there were a lot of issues that hadn't shown up in the survey, and that the previous owners had hidden a lot of problems. So I've spent far far more than I intended to, and most of the money I realised from the sale of the old house has gone. I couldn't move again now anyway due to finances.

I absolutely realise this is a privileged problem, and I'm very lucky to have a roof over my head (albeit a new one that I've had to fork out for since moving in)! So please can anyone share stories of how they've come to love homes they once hated, or give me a pep talk, or even just a kick in the behind! I'm home alone on a Saturday night, looking round the place and feeling absurdly sorry for myself.

What is wrong with the house apart from practical things that need doing?

Ten months is not even a year! Give it more time.

What made you choose the location? Can you focus on how great the area is or the garden as spring is here?

Please consider if major issues didn't show on the survey, getting legal advice. I am by no means an expert but I would imagine the surveyor may be at fault and you may have some comeback. A family member had a major roof issue that didn't show on the comprehensive survey and the surveyors paid for the new roof, I think it was £50k+

You've had a tough time OP. Not just leaving a much loved, long term home where you made so many happy memories, but then also moving into a new home with problems, so have been living with builders etc. no doubt for months. That's really tough.

What you haven't had a chance to do yet is settle in properly and start making some lovely new memories in this home, so it doesn't yet have a place in your heart. That will come with time, and you can help it by planning some lovely things that will help make those memories.

I very much believe a home is what you make it. I choose a house based on how well it fits practical criteria, and then over time I make it a home I love. If I think about how I do this, it's really about creating spaces I feel brilliant in, with colour, furniture, artwork and habits. For example, I have a breakfast nook in my kitchen with a direct view of the garden, I painted a beautiful colour that contrasts with the rest of the kitchen, it has a great view of the bird feeder and has some prints on the walls from my favourite artist, and a low hanging light so in the evening I can turn off the kitchen lights and it's cosy. I have breakfast or a cuppa there most mornings, on my own in peace before the day gets going. I also love Christmas, it's my favourite time of year, so when I re-did the kitchen I made sure there was an obvious space for a christmas tree and a plug point right there too.

Once you have your home to yourself again and everything is sorted, you can start making new memories and get into the little habits that make a house a home - you just need to figure out what that looks like for you and plan in the things that will make it true.

I lived in a house I really didn’t like for about 5 years. I softened a lot towards it in that time. We always knew we would move from it sooner or later so I didn’t want to spend on major structural work but small touches really did add up over time, and it’s fun to research and choose things and be thrifty in seeing what you can pick up cheaply etc

• houseplants
• changing curtains and putting effort in choosing ones I really loved
• rugs in colours and textures I loved
• my own art and pictures
• my own photos
• tubs and putting my own plants and and bulbs in the garden and out the front of the house
• repainting garden furniture in bright colours
• Getting a new house number sign
• Lamps and lightshades
• Playing music: both getting a piano and playing it, and bothering to put records and CDs on e.g. when cooking

I also didn’t really like the town we were in then but researching local history and getting books of old photos of the area helped in that sense, and joining a few clubs e.g. a book club, a choir etc.

other than that, I just put it to one side in my mind and focused on the life I was living and remembering that the house
you live in doesn’t define you. By the time we moved I was quite sad to leave! We had some lovely times there.

Im sure there will come a time when you can move again if you still feel the same in a few years so try not to think of it as a life sentence and more as just another phase of your life, and try and enjoy the process of ‘bedding in’ and your new place now and don’t look too far ahead!

Perhaps you need to accrue memories there? I was heartbroken when I left my first house as my children had been born there, but my house now also holds wonderful memories so I am happy. For context my current house was similar, undisclosed leaks and crap DIY jobs it cost a lot to sort it all out.

Why do you dislike it, what is it about it? You explain the renovations, but you don’t tell us why you dislike it now.

Is ot the house, or because you're not used to being alone? Do you need to find hobbies/make new friends/reacquaint yourself with old? Sorry if I'm being intrusive.

Are you grieving your old life with your husband, kids at home etc. This new house represents your life now, and you’re feeling a bit discombobulated. Also, the honeymoon period is over and the extra work has caused extra stress. It’s almost like you’re having a come down after the adrenaline rush.

As @notanothernana says, time to make new memories. Sumner ya coming up (when it stops raining!), gave some barbecues. Start enjoying the house instead of regretting all the money you’ve spent on it.

It is very early days and you are bound to miss your old house and the life you led there. So far this one has only brought expense and problems to your door.
I can understand that well after downsizing - it takes time to get used to less space.
Try to let go of the resentment over the building costs etc. This house will be cheaper to run and is better for you long term. Costs have spiralled and staying out wasn’t an option for you.

It may be that with all the stress of the work being done, you haven't really had a chance to make it a home yet, and make memories there. My parents moved 3 years ago from the family home they'd been in 30 years. Only now is it starting to feel like home - the first year was a whirlwind of stress and them missing friends. But once they'd sorted out the garden they had a big garden party with old and new friends, and now people know where to find them they've had more visitors and started to make some happy memories there.

Thank you so much for all the lovely, kind and thoughtful comments. And also for the wise advice re making memories, making the house my own etc.

It's true that there have been builders and workmen here virtually permanently since I moved, so there hasn't really been much time to settle in properly I suppose. In my head, I know that these are things I must do, (the making memories etc) and that time is likely to be a great healer. In my heart I keep thinking that it doesn't matter what I do, I won't like it 🤷‍♀️

I can't properly articulate what it is I don't like. But one of the main issues, which sounds so stupid, is that the walls are so thin, I can virtually hear everything from all over the house, and somehow in my head, that makes it feel like not a real house! (Told you it was stupid). It's a 1960's bungalow whereas the old house was an Edwardian 3 storey place - I think I took solid walls for granted!

Also, the main living area is at one end of an admittedly large kitchen. I didn't think this would be an issue at all when I bought the house, but I'm finding it's just not working for me. I'm still in the same town as before, and if anything, this is a nicer part of town so it's definitely the house, not the location.

Also, I think there's a lot of truth in what people have said about this being a new phase of life for me. I think I probably am grieving my old life a bit :(.

Thanks again for taking the time to post.

I have a 1960s bungalow (holiday home in another country) and a two storey Edwardian house, and funnily enough I really love lots of things about the bungalow that are not replicated in the two storey house. I love the simplicity of it and the large windows. I like the way the garden seems part of the house, closer than in the two storey house, and I have a childish delight of peering out of the windows. But I've had to work hard at grounding the space, one of the rooms was knocked through kitchen/diner and I keep feeling it would be better to put the wall back and make it cosy. It's very important to me to have my back to an actual wall. And big windows need to be protected by something ...framing them outside or inside,greenery or curtains or curtain pole.
There are also ways to divide a room more substantially. I do this in my Edwardian house too, I put back walls there as well and reinstated a door

Not silly comments at all, with the builders being there and all the work, you haven't really had the house to yourself, so it hasn't become a home yet. A house is the bricks and mortar, as the saying goes, but it becomes a home when it is full of life and memories. At the moment the life is full of builders and no doubt mess, so no memories. Your memories are still grieving for your loss and your previous life. So give it time, do not rush it.

Practically, put aside the cost, the thin walls and layout can both be recitified. I would sort out the sound issues first, then live in the house for a while and if the layout still doesn't work, look at changing it.

Also clutter does dampen sound so it may be lots of pictures and rugs will help with sound. I'm so much more "misphonic" in old age... I'm allergic to noise so I sympathise with that. Open plan rooms are difficult for me as are open doorways etc. and I need curtains and rugs!

Oh I love 1960s bungalows! I generally like period houses and for me 1960s bungalows can be great and very atmospheric period houses when styled right. Love the big windows, the cleanness of design.

does yours have much original detailing left? If not maybe trying to search out some reclaimed door handles from the period or some furniture with a 1960s design vibe or some curtain or cushion prints might help with the period feel. There’s an estate agent called The Modern House who specialise in twentieth century modern houses and they often have beautifully styled 1960s properties for sale on their website if you are seeking inspiration…..

https://www.themodernhouse.com/sales-list/?price-from=0&price-to=99999&collection[]=mid-century-modern-homes

like some of these ❤️

Sending you lots of hugs. It’s very early days in your new home. In time you will come to love it I am sure. You moved for all the right reasons. It maybe that you find moving difficult, I know I do. As the other posts have said you will make memories in this house too. I think moving to a bungalow is a great move. Bungalows are very sort after and therefore a good investment although I believe a home is first and foremost a home. I also love 1960’s bungalows.

Thank you for the further messages, and thank you @OneDayIWillLearn for the link. I'll have a proper look through later. The only period feature left is the block flooring, and some internal doors with original glass.

I saw a similar property before this one that j really liked but didn't go for. I've since learnt that it was used in a 60's sci-fi film! I'll try and link it.

https://www.wowhaus.co.uk/2016/11/26/top-30-the-most-popular-1960s-uk-modernist-house-finds-on-the-wowhaus-website/

The house I viewed was No 13 in this article.

(Link is to an article about 1960's modernist houses)

Oh gorgeous! The block floor and internal doors sound lovely; I’m sure you can make yours into something really special too :-)