How to make a relocation a success?

OneDayIWillLearn · 2024-04-27T15:36:40+00:00

Wondering if anyone could share tips or experiences of how to make a significant relocation work well? We’re moving 3 hours away with two children (5 and 7). I’ve moved house before but always within the same area, which is also where I grew up, so I’ve never had to establish myself in a new area really. We’ve been talking about this move for a few years now and seriously looking for a year. We’ve found a house we love and doing conveyancing now, and I’m 90% excited but 10% shit scared! We’ve been to stay in the new area and talked endlessly about the pros and cons so I do feel it’s the right move and we’ve done our homework - it’s going to allow a brilliant work opportunity (which is the trigger) but it’s also going to give us more space and an area where we can really imagine raising our kids, and we both feel ready to live somewhere new. But I think I’m a bit overwhelmed by the idea of settling into a new area/ making new friends/ moving the kids school/ getting used to living in a rural area after being in a city, and just generally how to pick up and move your whole life. So any experiences you can share of what you did and what did or didn’t help would be really appreciated!!

Irishmama100 · 27/04/2024 17:14

We moved when my daughter was 6 and son was 2. No impact on my son. My daughter was upset at leaving her school and her wee friends. She quickly settled into a new school and made new friends. Think it is easier if your kids are in primary school as you will meet other parents. I really threw myself into inviting their friends over and then maybe having a coffee with a parent when they were dropping or collecting. It all sounds positive bigger house, better job. Just go with it. My only advice for the actual move to be ruthless when packing. Don’t carry rubbish to your new house.

Irishmama100 · 27/04/2024 17:15

Oh and if it is a rural area/small village try if you can to get involved in village/school activities. That’s a great way to get to know people

Original poster

OneDayIWillLearn · 27/04/2024 20:15

Irishmama100 · 27/04/2024 17:14

We moved when my daughter was 6 and son was 2. No impact on my son. My daughter was upset at leaving her school and her wee friends. She quickly settled into a new school and made new friends. Think it is easier if your kids are in primary school as you will meet other parents. I really threw myself into inviting their friends over and then maybe having a coffee with a parent when they were dropping or collecting. It all sounds positive bigger house, better job. Just go with it. My only advice for the actual move to be ruthless when packing. Don’t carry rubbish to your new house.

Yes my kids are quite vocal about not wanting to leave their friends. I think you’re right I will need to make an effort to get to know people through school. I’ve actually not done much of that where we live now because I have lots of ‘old’ friends from growing up etc so I haven’t had so much impetus…. so maybe it would be quite good to be a bit more socially integrated with school life!

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OneDayIWillLearn · 27/04/2024 20:17

And yes good point @Irishmama100 , I’ve been watching Stacey Solomon for
inspiration but we need a massive clear out!!

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CMOTDibbler · 27/04/2024 20:34

My biggest advice would be to throw yourself into your new place - embrace everything on offer there without judgement or comparison to your life before. You might think the scarecrow competition / open gardens / walkabout is naff, but if you get into the spirit its an important part of the community. Similarly, don't complain about the lack of Just Eat delivery, but make sure you use the visiting chip van (in the villages round me, all the best gossip is in the queue for mobile food) or whatever local places there are. And ask. People love to give advice on the best plumber/ dog walk/ farm shop so enjoy the local FB group and use it

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OneDayIWillLearn · 28/04/2024 08:01

CMOTDibbler · 27/04/2024 20:34

My biggest advice would be to throw yourself into your new place - embrace everything on offer there without judgement or comparison to your life before. You might think the scarecrow competition / open gardens / walkabout is naff, but if you get into the spirit its an important part of the community. Similarly, don't complain about the lack of Just Eat delivery, but make sure you use the visiting chip van (in the villages round me, all the best gossip is in the queue for mobile food) or whatever local places there are. And ask. People love to give advice on the best plumber/ dog walk/ farm shop so enjoy the local FB group and use it

Thank you, this is good and reassuring advice. I hadn’t thought mobile food vans or scarecrow competitions but I guess it makes sense to use every opportunity. Also that sounds like really good advice not to compare, isn’t the saying ‘comparison is the thief of joy’?!

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Aozora13 · 28/04/2024 08:13

I’m mainly posting to see the advice given as we’re also looking to relocate out of a city with DC the same age (plus a 2yo), although we’re moving back to my hometown. I moved around a lot pre-kids (including living overseas) and definitely agree with pps about throwing yourself into your new life. It’s fine to seek out things that are familiar but don’t get caught up in trying to recreate what you had before. Also it can take some time to settle in - you might have a dip after the initial excitement wears off. But just because something is different from your expectations doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad choice so do give yourselves time.

Original poster

OneDayIWillLearn · 28/04/2024 08:28

Aozora13 · 28/04/2024 08:13

I’m mainly posting to see the advice given as we’re also looking to relocate out of a city with DC the same age (plus a 2yo), although we’re moving back to my hometown. I moved around a lot pre-kids (including living overseas) and definitely agree with pps about throwing yourself into your new life. It’s fine to seek out things that are familiar but don’t get caught up in trying to recreate what you had before. Also it can take some time to settle in - you might have a dip after the initial excitement wears off. But just because something is different from your expectations doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad choice so do give yourselves time.

Ah good luck with your relocation!

yes I’ve been wondering what the ‘journey’ might feel like and how long it might take to feel like you’re not the person who just moved in. Like where the highs and lows might crop up. I’d been thinking a few months after moving might be the time you can start to relax a bit having done most of the practical upheaval but you are probably right there will be a ‘reality check’ when the novelty of the new area starts to wear off and you’re a bit tired of being new but haven’t quite got to the point of having friends and routines established.

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Hannahthepink · 28/04/2024 11:04

We moved last year to a completely new place, children were nearly 7 and 4. It can feel lonely. I immediately joined the PTA, I accepted every invitation to every work social event, I chatted to every neighbour that I could find, I really took myself out of my comfort zone!
The kids on the whole have been fine, although I think that we slightly underestimated the effect that it had on our eldest. She has found it a bit harder to settle, but is getting there.
We've made a big effort to get out every weekend to somewhere new (nothing special, just a different beach or something), and it's helped us feel more like we belong.

Original poster

OneDayIWillLearn · 28/04/2024 12:37

Hannahthepink · 28/04/2024 11:04

We moved last year to a completely new place, children were nearly 7 and 4. It can feel lonely. I immediately joined the PTA, I accepted every invitation to every work social event, I chatted to every neighbour that I could find, I really took myself out of my comfort zone!
The kids on the whole have been fine, although I think that we slightly underestimated the effect that it had on our eldest. She has found it a bit harder to settle, but is getting there.
We've made a big effort to get out every weekend to somewhere new (nothing special, just a different beach or something), and it's helped us feel more like we belong.

How did you manage the transition to the new school with the eldest? Did you start mid term?

and thanks yes, I’ve been a bit of a PTA dodger here but I think that will need to change!!

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Hannahthepink · 28/04/2024 13:23

It was hard. We ended up moving at the start of July (we wanted end of July, but chain said no). We missed the last couple of weeks of that term and started fresh in September. The worst part was that we had prepared for a different school, which we ended up not getting a place at, and this was pretty badly handled, meaning that we just had to crack on with no build-up. TBH, I'm not sure what would have made it a lot easier, some kids are naturally unfazed by things, and some are worriers like mine!

NotQuiteUsual · 28/04/2024 16:46

We moved from the home counties to Northumberland when the kids were 7,4 and 2. It was a huge move but so worth it. Really you'll be shit scared till you settle in, at least a little!

The kids took it really well, but they started at the beginning of September which helped a lot in some ways as it was new classes. But in other ways it hindered as there was no this is x they've just moved here be kind to them, from the teacher. So no matter how it falls there's pros and cons. We worked hard getting them excited about the move and spent the first few weekends doing the beaches and woods and things, so there wasn't time to feel homesick plus we were selling the new area to them.

Truthfully you just have to have faith in what you're doing and just do it. It's hard but you know you're doing the right thing by your family so don't worry(OK you will worry, but try to worry less)

Original poster

OneDayIWillLearn · 28/04/2024 17:02

Hannahthepink · 28/04/2024 13:23

It was hard. We ended up moving at the start of July (we wanted end of July, but chain said no). We missed the last couple of weeks of that term and started fresh in September. The worst part was that we had prepared for a different school, which we ended up not getting a place at, and this was pretty badly handled, meaning that we just had to crack on with no build-up. TBH, I'm not sure what would have made it a lot easier, some kids are naturally unfazed by things, and some are worriers like mine!

Sounds stressful with the schools! That’s something I’m worrying about like, how do you find out how likely they are to get places? There are three potential schools but no idea how to arrange to visit/ sound them out etc. But we are probably a bit too early in the process for this (likely we will actually move after Christmas to start new schools at start of spring term).

But also you are probably right that to some extent it is just going to be what it will be. It went to 5 different primary schools mostly due house moves (same county but different towns/ villages) and was never really bothered about moving, but I think my son is likely to find it harder to transition!!

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OneDayIWillLearn · 28/04/2024 17:06

NotQuiteUsual · 28/04/2024 16:46

We moved from the home counties to Northumberland when the kids were 7,4 and 2. It was a huge move but so worth it. Really you'll be shit scared till you settle in, at least a little!

The kids took it really well, but they started at the beginning of September which helped a lot in some ways as it was new classes. But in other ways it hindered as there was no this is x they've just moved here be kind to them, from the teacher. So no matter how it falls there's pros and cons. We worked hard getting them excited about the move and spent the first few weekends doing the beaches and woods and things, so there wasn't time to feel homesick plus we were selling the new area to them.

Truthfully you just have to have faith in what you're doing and just do it. It's hard but you know you're doing the right thing by your family so don't worry(OK you will worry, but try to worry less)

Glad I’m not the only scared one 😂. Glad to hear your move worked out well - we will also be moving near to beaches and forests etc so hoping to make the most, and starting to talk up things like their new bedrooms, room in the garden for a treehouse/ tyre swing etc which figures big for them (our current garden is small). I know someone who is about to move her familY to Singapore so in comparison I’m aware this is quite small!! Thanks for posting, I really appreciate it x

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herbaceous · 28/04/2024 18:10

We did it nearly six years ago now, moved from London to York.

My advice - never turn down an invitation. It might turn out boring and awkward, or it might be mega-fun. Join stuff - choirs, walking groups etc. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to make new friends, but common interests help. Join the street WA group. If nothing else a source of amusement.

I would avoid having a pandemic in the middle, as that rather spoiled the evolution of my nascent friendships. By the time it was over, DS was in year 8 and school-gate friendship opportunities were over.

herbaceous · 28/04/2024 18:11

I still worry whether we did the right thing, but DS is totally thriving, has made loads of new friends, and I am finding my niche. DP is a hermit by nature, so has found it harder.

Original poster

OneDayIWillLearn · 28/04/2024 18:22

herbaceous · 28/04/2024 18:11

I still worry whether we did the right thing, but DS is totally thriving, has made loads of new friends, and I am finding my niche. DP is a hermit by nature, so has found it harder.

@herbaceous oh yes, what are your doubts? And how did you set about finding your niche? My DH is also not particularly sociable so I slightly worry about that but then his two best friends live plane journeys away from us anyway so at least that won’t really change 😂

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OneDayIWillLearn · 28/04/2024 18:23

herbaceous · 28/04/2024 18:10

We did it nearly six years ago now, moved from London to York.

My advice - never turn down an invitation. It might turn out boring and awkward, or it might be mega-fun. Join stuff - choirs, walking groups etc. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to make new friends, but common interests help. Join the street WA group. If nothing else a source of amusement.

I would avoid having a pandemic in the middle, as that rather spoiled the evolution of my nascent friendships. By the time it was over, DS was in year 8 and school-gate friendship opportunities were over.

@herbaceous god I hope there isn’t another one coming!

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herbaceous · 28/04/2024 19:18

Bizarrely one of the things I lost enjoy every week is singing in a church choir, and having coffee afterwards. I’m not even religious!

i joined because DS was in it, and he said I should join too.

Hannahthepink · 28/04/2024 20:09

Schools are so tricky, just keep in contact with the admissions department in the council and hope for the best. Places seem to open up and get filled all the time, my only tip is to try not to set your (or your kids) heart on somewhere until a place is offered!
Our LA would only hold a place for four weeks, so we had to wait until our completion date was set before applying.
The admissions team can however give you a list of the local schools, with how many places there are in each year at that moment in time, so you may get a better idea of what is likely when you see that.