House a constant source of stresss

[LostittoBostik]

We bought a fixer upper 18 months ago. Nothing structural needed doing - but it needed total cosmetic overhaul after years of being an HMO.
Our survey failed to pick up loads of the problems it had eg plumbing issues and leaks never addressed, long standing mice infestation etc.
It took me a long time to feel settled and comfortable - I'm mostly there now, we have young kids so you do get into a routine and I'm home a lot. And 18 months on we've done loads of work and things are much better.
But mentally the anxiety and stress of everything is really getting to me. There always something wrong or another problem that needs fixing and now we have hardly any savings left as we've done so much work.
Latest thing is the new toilet we've had plumbed in has an issue with the cistern dripping - a minor thing we can get fixed but I can't sleep tonight as I'm worried it's going to over flow onto our new flooring overnight (I can't see where the overflow is and how it works, it seems to be able to fill too high)

Every week something breaks, we've needed engineers/trades on everything constantly.

I'm just exhausted and feel like I can't get any rest

I honestly wish we'd never bought this house. I feel like it has destroyed my mental health. I just want to find a state of calm

I've owned flats in the past but never a house - it's this just par for the course when you have a place that's bigger than two rooms, things just constantly needing fixing or dealing with?

Can anyone else relate?

Bump?

It's why I'm moving from a house to a flat when I retire. An older house is a feckin monetpit. You have my sympathy.

I was honestly just googling retirement apartments to rent. I'm 42 and my youngest child hasn't even turned 4 yet 😂

I just feel like it's always on me to keep on top of everything and get it sorted. DH works long hours and shifts so I'm the one who is around the house more (I'm self employed so wfh a lot, plus do the afternoon school runs etc). I feel really consumed by the responsibility!

I don’t think it has anything to do with a house vs a flat but all about what it’s like to buy a property that hasn’t been looked after - my last house was a Victorian house that had basically been “patched up” for decades and whilst it wasn’t a nightmare property with constant issues, there were a lot of things that needed completely overhauling to sort properly and I didn’t have the money or mental bandwidth to do some of it. I was also nearly broken by the stress of renovation (young kids, terrible tradespeople sometimes, demanding career, single parent). I’ve now moved into a house that had been derelict before the last owner painstakingly restored and did all those jobs I could never do in my last house - rewired, re plumbed, new plastering, etc etc - as I hope never again to have to go through the trauma of renovation.

I think we all really underestimate how stressful it is on top of an already stressful life. I really feel for you OP - it will get better I promise. It’s really good that you’re articulating how you feel. I think the fear of things going wrong is almost PTSD response to the stress of it all - if you can get some counselling I think it will help. I promise you that owning a house is no different to a flat really, it’s just bigger obviously.

It sounds stressful because you've had a lot to fix and do up, but also because the burden of responsibility is on your shoulders. That's hard!

It will feel better, the millions of decisions you have to make when renovating are exhausting, and costs built up - just remind yourself how far you've come in 18 months, and bar anything urgent I'd give yourself a good break from it all!!

I found that setting aside an hour a day to deal with renovation issues was the way forward. It was a pigeon hole exercise, really.

Whether it was research, contacting trades, sourcing stuff….

Then once done, I’d get on with my day.

It didn’t always work out, and sometimes it was longer than an hour, but it helped my sanity to ‘box’ in my time.