Do I rent or wait to be bought out?

[Mamaspegg]

Hi all, currently going through a break up after an 8 year long relationship and we have an 8 month old DS. We are both on the mortgage and I am returning to work from mat leave on 1st May. I won't be able to buy him out but he may be in a position to do so himself (he hasn't phoned the mortgage company to check yet but earns more than me).

He is not pushing me out the door, but also refuses to go stay at his dads until I get my ducks in a row. So we're currently just existing in the same space and arguing every few days, and it's not doing me any good mentally when I just want to be the best mama I can be right now. I'm just so confused where to go from here, when I'm back in work and have my first pay I could be in a position to rent and I have been on entitled to and checked what benefits I would get. I'll still be working full time over 4 days, but I know when I eventually get money from the sale of the house or him buying me out, I have about 30,000 which would then stop any Universal Credit top ups I believe. I just don't want to be in the same toxic environment with him for months until I am bought out. So I'm thinking do I leave when I'm back in work and can get my ducks in a row, and just rent? Just looking for opinions or what you would do in this scenario. I can't stay at my mums as I have 2 younger siblings and she has a 2 bed house. He on the other hand has a dad with 3 spare rooms but still won't go stay there until I can sort something out, it's so frustrating.

Sorry if this is a pointless post, just wondering what others would do in this scenario. I have tried to work on the relationship and he has become a different person since our DS came along. He's good with our little one he's not a bad dad, but totally unsupportive of me, doesn't go near me, tells me I need to 'be my old self again or this won't work'. All I've done is change as I've become a mother, and I think for the better as do my family. He just can't handle the change in dynamic and its been this way for around 6 months. I've suggested counselling, time apart etc and he won't have any of it. Just some background as this wasn't a hasty decision, I'm gutted as noone expects to become a single parent especially this soon.

Sorry you are in this scenario.

You need to make sure you have secure accommodation before you leave the family home. Be prepared that you might not see any money until you divorce if he is being difficult. What about cm?

Many will tell you don't leave the family home. Just don't trust him.

I don't think the Op is married so I think she'll just get money for the baby.

I personally wouldn’t move out especially if the relationship breakdown was no fault of my own. He should be the one to move out.

You need stability especially with you resuming work soon and the stress of moving is a lot. Not to speak of moving with a child.

Also are your finances in order to move out?
I guess question to ask yourself is can you afford rent and the mortgage if this process takes a year?
What if he starts being really difficult about selling once you move out?

I will speak to a solicitor before making any decisions regardless as it can get really messy depending on what share of ownership you have.

If he also doesn’t want to move out ask him to move into the spareroom if you have an additional bedroom in your property.
Have a schedule setup for your daughter.
You’re now housemates with a joint responsibility and that’s it.

You need to mentally check yourself out of the relationship. Don’t beg him to be with you. If he wanted to he will
Focus on healing your mind to be strong for yourself and daughter.

It will be really hard either way but I do wish you the best whatever you decide to do