WTF do I do now? Ex won't accept offer on our house

[Headspinning09]

I'm up shit creek, and don't know what to do.

My EP and I split in October. We own our lovely 4 bed house in a popular area. He wanted to stay in the house and buy me out but delayed and delayed for months before finally admitting he couldn't raise the mortgage to afford it. We had almost agreed on a buy out of £165k, the minimum I needed to rehouse myself and two young DC. We can't agree in child arrangements. He sees our split as me "taking his kids away" dispite all evidence to the contrary. He worked out the link between CMS and percentage of time with the kids very early. So is gunning for 50/50 which won't work for the children.

So this month he begrudgingly agreed to put the house for sale, it's been up for 3 days and we've just had an offer of 98.5% of the asking from a 1st time buyer which means my equity is worth £172.5k. Insane in this market!! I want to accept, or else try to get the buyer to go up to 99% which I'm sure he will.

The XP is now saying he won't accept anything less than the FULL ASKING PRICE AND He won't accept any offer until we have a custody agreement in place for the arrangement he wants. I know if we go back with that the buyer will pull out. I suspect he wants the house to stay on the market until Sept when our childcare fees go down and he may be able to afford a buy out.

I am so furious there could actually be steam coming from my ears. What on earth do I do now? P.s murder isn't an option sadly..

I think it's quite legitimate for the DC Dad to want 50/50 care and for the DC Gran to come to live with them to provide care. What do you think is wrong with that? If they don't know the gran well it will be nice for them to develop that relationship. You will need to decide if you want one week with you and one week with Dad or swap DC over every 4 days then 3 days. I know a family where they do 1 week with Mum then 1 week with Dad but on Mum's week they have dinner with Dad 1 night and on Dads week they have dinner with Mum 1 night. Also they both sometimes go to watch DC at some of their evening activities.

This is what we do. We have week on week off, mum has every Tuesday, dad has every Thursday. Means each parent can take the child to a hobby of their choosing. Works well for us.

How much has he had the children by himself up till now?

If the answer is very little then I’d say to him “Look, we’re both in agreement about every other weekend it’s just the week days we’re debating so let’s start every other weekend now”.

Then, every other weekend from fri night till mon morning you leave the house. Go somewhere nice, do something fun and carefree, share the photos on Facebook.

Do not help him. Don’t prep things, don’t fill the fridge, don’t share info, don’t do the washing before you go, answer questions about where things are with “I don’t know”. If you’re still breastfeeding pump whilst you’re away but let him try giving formula,

Either he’ll step up, do an amazing job and you’ll reconsider 50/50 or he’ll start being a bit more realistic…

I know it won’t be easy for the kids if you’ve not left them much, but probably a lot easier than a protracted court battle about custody…..