Moving back down south after 2 years?

[RoseFawn]

I moved from southern England to Glasgow 18 months ago and I just don’t feel at home here and am wondering whether to go back. We’re thinking of starting a family soon, so I’d really appreciate some advice from those of you on the other side of parenthood to help me weigh up these pros and cons:

Glasgow Pros:

• We have a lovely house that could accommodate two children so we wouldn’t need to upsize
• We’re in the catchment area for excellent schools
• We have a small mortgage so I could work part time when baby comes

Glasgow cons:

• All of our family and friends are down South so we’d have no help or people around us who know us well -we don’t really have a network
• My parents are getting older and I worry they’ll need help and I’ll be far away
• We currently fly south once a month but this would be a challenge once baby comes, so we would see much less of our families.

Southern England pros:

• family support and having friends close by
• it feels like home and we have a network there

Southern England cons:

• we’d have to downsize quite significantly
• We’d have to commute into London for work which would be expensive.

So with the benefit of parenthood experience, how would you weigh up these pros and cons? Which factors are most important once you’re a parent? Thank you

Family nearby is a huge help when you start a family, so I’ve voted South.

What were the reasons for moving to Glasgow? Are they still valid?

I've moved from South East to South West, but this will never be home the way Sussex was.

My kids are grown up now, but I would have always wanted to have family support when they were little. Especially so when my marriage broke up, I really relied on my Mum, for practical and emotional support. And my kids are still really close to her. I'm not saying that your marriage will break up obviously, but times like when my daughter was in hospital, she sat with her so I could go home and have a shower. When I was having my appendix out she just took over the kids. I wouldn't have been without her tbh.

My partner wanted to move here for work, but it turns out his job could be done down south too. He was always more keen to move here than I was, I think he liked the idea of getting away and having the experience of living somewhere different (he has always loved Glasgow and Scotland in general).

I think the main issue is you don’t feel at home in Glasgow. Your feelings are valid and you’ve given it a good try living somewhere else. Plus family support would be very useful and comforting in the difficult times of having young children so I voted for you to return to the South.

Sounds like you'll feel more relaxed down South, so therefore I've voted to move back down :)

It sounds as though you do want to move back, there's an emotional pull there no doubt.

However, your pro list for Glasgow is encouraging and these things are important when you have a family.

Having space and good schools on your doorstep makes family life easier. Having an affordable mortgage is always a good idea when you have a family as family life is unpredictable.

As for living near family for support - I class that as a "nice to have" bonus. Not an essential. Having raised my own children without any family nearby has really been a positive experience for me. My children still love having a relationship with their grandparents and aunties/uncles, in some ways it is more special as all time we spend with family is quality time. They are also excellent travellers! Plane, train and car all embraced from a young age!

Living close to where you work is also a bonus. You may be out of the house 8-6 on a normal working day. If you have to commute to the City, will this be 7-7? 7-8? Will this impact on childcare?

What else is good for family life? Access to amenities and free space. Glasgow has this in abundance, how does this compare to down south?

Nobody can make the choice for you, but you sound like you're really thinking about what family life needs and looks like - good luck!

I think in time you could make new friends especially with young children, however family support is invaluable these days especially with most women needing to work.

Family help is something I underestimated severely before having my son, as I'd even so independent for nigh on 20 yrs. Having help just to pop out on an errand would be amazing. South all the way!

I'd personally move. My friends and family are a long way away so we've always had to factor in jobs close to home so we can pick up on time. Almost never had any babysitting (albeit PIL have been awful so never ask them these days), but my friends would certainly babysit occasionally, as would I for them.
I'd really consider it if you've not settled in

Having had virtually no family help with my DCs that wouldn’t be something I’d rely on before you even have any.
I learned that some expectations are doomed to failure where family is concerned 😟

A big house doesn't make you happy if it's not where you want to be, and if you're flying "home" every month it suggests you're not that settled there so I would move back.

Another vote for moving South...

It sounds like even if you decide to stay for now, chances are you might want to move back down South at some point in the future. If the gap between property prices were to increase, there might come a point where it would be financially harder to do so. Also, while your mortgage is cheaper and your house bigger in Glasgow, taxes in Scotland are higher, and there may well be better opportunities to progress career-wise down South, depending on what sector you work in.

How sure are you that you would get help from friends and family down south? I moved away from family but we had zero childcare or any support so it made no difference. Being able to work part time is a great opportunity when you have young children.

Could you consider somewhere halfway for the comprise between you and DH?

Now's the time to move back, will get harder with kids in the mix, and there's literally nothing keeping you there. You've given it a go, it's not home to you (regardless of house size), you don't need to be there. Crazy to be flying back every month. Bet you wouldn't fly back to Glasgow every month if you moved. It's a great place, you can always visit, but it doesn't make sense for you to stay.

Having young children is one of the best ways to make connections and build yourself into a community. It happens so naturally you won't even notice it, and then suddenly you will find yourself at home. And Glasgow is really great - whereabouts do you stay?

Being closer to family and friends doesn’t mean you’ll have the support that you might be picturing. People are often disappointed in this way, and it’s the subject of a few threads here. If you move and that is the biggest reason, have clear conversations with your family now. What are you picturing? That your mum will stay with you? That a sibling will visit you regularly or take your kids out? Babysitting and overnights?

I’d stay in Glasgow until you’ve had the kids, early years are really expensive and you won’t know what you your DP or your family will be like and what you want. Glasgow is a lovely friendly area with lots to do with the kids and cheap public transport. In SE you can feel isolated by the costs. When you have the baby and especially if you can go PT, you’ll meet lots of other people in same life stage and build a community that way. It can feel lonelier to try to do it with family and friend who you may have known longer but are at a different life stage. You can always move later. Just cos you give birth to your children in Glasgow doesn’t mean you’ll be there forever. I think it’s quite easy to move before they are 5yo, in terms of the transition impact on them. I wouldn’t rush moving now trying to imagine a future ahead, lower costs, smaller mortgage, option to go PT, no long costly commute (which increases in price more than inflation, never mind council tax here) will add so much ease to your life.