Moving to a new place & want to get it right

[BrightSparkHello]

Hi looking for opinions as unsure if I am the problem here or I’m just living in the wrong place!

so I’ve lived in a small rural market town in Cheshire for the past 6 years. I moved here from just outside a major city and have generally always lived in cities or villages with close proximity to cities. First time in a rural area. Picked here as had couple of friends here who raved about how friendly it was. They have since moved away. Also due to anxiety, I was hoping a quieter area would be better for my mental health.

I’ve really struggled to make friends here. It’s a lovely safe town but very family orientated and I’ve found attitudes to newcomers pretty hostile. My experience has been very different to my friends who used to live here and everyone else who lives here. I’ve got involved in lots of hobby groups, volunteering etc and have met so many people but outside of those activities no-one has been interested to keep in touch or speak to me socially (I’ve tried to instigate meet Ups but been declined). I feel people are friendly enough at face level but not interested to expand their groups.

My neighbours had a negative impact as well I think, whilst they all seem to get one with each other and have all been in the road for 10+ years, they don’t seem to like me. I made huge efforts to do things for other people (have cat sitted, looked after gardens, helped during covid) and they just talk down to me and make light jokes of the fact I work from home and don’t have any friends or visitors. I have zero support network here and not even any neighbours offer to help me back when I’ve had emergencies Eg been in hospital.

I decided to invest time in travelling to surrounding citites and joining groups there. I’ve Instantly found women more open to new friendships.

I’ve decided to try sell my house this year and move away. My head is telling me a city again / closer to could be better place for me. However having had such an awful few years where I live I’m terrified of making a mistake - what if I get it wrong again?

my question is - if I go through the expense and stress of another move how can I make sure I get it right this time? And do I sound like I’m doing something wrong? Everyone else round here loves it and seems to get on And have friends.

TIA x

It sounds like you've made huge efforts to build up a social network and I think some areas are just more accepting of couples + kids (although I've read posts here about villages that are unwelcoming to Mums too). Your neighbours sound horrible tbh!
I'm not surprised the experience has knocked your confidence and it's easy to then feel indecisive and doubt yourself.
I would say cut your losses and sell up (providing you can get the amount you need for the house this year).
I'm living in a suburb of a big city and moved here as a single woman (no kids). The people here are so much more friendly and down-to-earth than the last place I lived which was 3-4 miles away but 'posher' with lots of high income families. I thought of moving to the countryside myself but felt it might take longer to integrate and after reading your post, I'm really glad I didn't take the risk!
I'd be interested to know if Cheshire is one of those counties that can be a bit stuffy or unwelcoming?

Hi I’m from London and moved to a village a few years ago with my other half. It was related to his work and it was only meant to be for 6 months that stretched to a year. I’m very open minded, love different cultures, travel a lot, love London and a city girl. But when we moved to this village is was basically 100% white middle-rich class and serious right wing conservative voters, no nuances about that. I believe they were a bunch of racist people deep down and the type to judge each other even though at face value they talked to each other. They seemed to get along well with each other and we were always friendly but preferred to keep to ourselves. The village was beautiful, rural side really pretty but I would never choose to live there again. It’s not you. Just leave. Go find your people. Life is too short. These right wing conservatives found their people in this village. Perhaps it’s the same in your town. I also know a friend who dated a guy in Knutsford and he was stuck up as were all his friends and neighbours in the area. I do think smaller villages and towns attract like for like. Larger places have more diversity.

I agree with PPs. You've been there more than long enough to give it a fair chance. Just take your time picking the right city / suburb, and you won't go far wrong IMO.

Thank you for your kind replies. I’m in a town in south cheshire it’s probably semi rural to be fair - lots of green space but decent town centre. It’s very middle class and white and extremely right wing which isn’t to my leaning politically. I’m also mix race which may be a factor in why people don’t like me as generally there is a dislike for anyone different.

On odd occasions I’ve over heard racist comments which has been hard. Once I tried to say something to a neighbour who used a racist word and thought I may be able to educate the person who said it but I ended up being made to feel over sensitive and then loads of the neighbours didn’t speak to me for ages.

@Wizzywoo18 Cheshire is generally quite affluent and middle class so there is a sense of entitlement in parts and I think that’s definitely what Ive experienced in terms of attitude and people behaving they are better than me for the fact they have lived there all their lives. Larger towns like Macclesfield are alright as it’s becoming more like a small city now but the smaller and more rural parts definitely have quite narrow minded behaviours

will look to sell and happy to downsize given current market conditions

Thanks for all your comments x

Try making friends in a nearby city - for example, is Chester near you? Go to weekend meetups, maybe take a weekly course there, and scope our how friendly it is before you make a decision. It sounds like you were just pretty unlucky on your last move, but also maybe you chose an area that wasn't the right fit for you (too family-orientated for example).

@RokaandRoll thank you - I’ve actually just started doing that in Chester! It’s a world apart and met some amazing people.

it’s just a case of affordability whether I will be able to find something in decent area of Chester. It’s expensive!

but it’s definitely a consideration even if just on outskirts x

I’m assuming Nantwich? So yes, snooty, traditional etc

I’m in Chester and love it. I work in south Cheshire though so know what it is like. If you would like any tips on areas, houses on Rightmove etc feel free to PM me!

@BrightSparkHello Best of luck for the future - I'd move ASAP after those awful experiences.
When I think of Cheshire, I think of premiership footballers living in huge mansions. I didn't realise it was so right-wing and intolerant.

@mnahmnah lol yes!! So funny you knew where it was! That’s good to know you like Chester. Thanks for the offer I’m sure once I start viewing I may want to run the areas by people :) I’ve met a few people in Chester through a local group too and although it’s early days just the fact people are open and accepting to make new friends. It’s nothing like my experience here. Thanks again x

@Wizzywoo18

That’s more east Cheshire, nearer Manchester side. Rural south Cheshire is very ‘Cheshire set’ middle class, middle England, Boden and horses. Chester is more vibrant and inclusive for sure. Hardly a big city, but it’s a nice place to live.

@Wizzywoo18 there is definitely those very nice affluent areas with footballers living there and then there’s the other towns further south which are like from a different century. I mean obviously lots of people like it here and if you are you minded a certain way you’d probably very much like it here. Some people are proud of where they are from and don’t want it spoilt by new comers. They re proud of the fact they have always lived here etc. i guess that’s just not my kind of place x

@mnahmnah this is a very accurate description. The difference I have felt since spending more time in Chester is unreal. Gives me hope. Fingers crossed I can sell my place this year & move x

I'm actually moving to Chester in a couple of months myself and have found it really friendly when I've visited also. Perhaps us Chester posters could meet up sometime?

That’s sounds great! Do you mind me asking which part of Chester you are moving to im trying to build up a picture of different areas. Feel free to PM me if more comfortable.

I’ve been advised Huntington, handbridge, hoole, great boughton are good but they do seem to carry a price tag! X

@BrightSparkHello

I lived in Hoole until recently and loved it! Definitely the best area I would say. We are now in Upton which is lovely, but very family suburbia (hence why we moved from our ‘cool’ terrace we bought when child free!). Handbridge is a good location but I wouldn’t say has much of a centre or community feel like Hoole. Same with Boughton and Huntington

I know Chester very well, lived in west Cheshire most of my life. If you want rural market town,I can recommend Frodsham as being extremely friendly, buzzy and not racist. Easy access to Liverpool, Chester and Manchester. Has expensive areas and a few more normal prices. My kids live in Manchester and I love that city. There are leafy parts depending on your budget. Personally, I and they think Chester has a small town feel rather than city. Manc has a lot of energy and very easy to meet people-like most cities, there is a good flow of people moving in and out so many of them open to making new friends. When I moved back into rural Cheshire from London, I really struggled-I think many people have their network, people they went to school with etc so just aren’t as open to making new friends as they already have them. Most of my friends I have now moved into the area themselves. Pm me if you have any questions.

I agree with all of this, but I've heard all areas of Chester are pretty good, including places whose reputations aren't brilliant such as Blacon. Just be sure to avoid the Sealand stink!

@MrsRachelDanvers Thanks - your spot on about rural areas and people having established networks and less open, especially once you get to middle age. And even harder with no children in my experience.

I’ve lived in Manchester before absolutely loved it but prices have rocketed and the areas I’d want to move back to are completely out of my league now!

interesting about frodsham I’ve visited and liked it but assumed to live it would be similar to Nantwich, middlewich, Sandbach etc all the small market towns round here. I couldn’t see it being that different and I’d have similar issues in making connections due to the size and market town vibe. Perhaps I should explore it more as properties there were reasonable and as you say great train links.

@BrightSparkHello The thing with Frodsham is that it has a community with lots going on. It has meet up groups, dog walking groups, drama, choir and I found people friendly and open. It seems to be a place which attracts emigrés from Liverpool and Manchester so again, people moving to the area who would be looking to expand their network. Although I don’t live there anymore (got married and found a house elsewhere), I’m still on the Facebook page and see posts from newbies who want to make friends. The surrounding villages are pretty but more insular.
Could you rent somewhere? Also, if you still like the idea of a city, Liverpool is more affordable than Manchester and has some fantastic areas. Again, lots of people moving in to work in the hospitals, schools, universities. Really nice, good parks, lovely centre and scousers are the friendliest people. What’s your budget?

Also, I don’t know your ethnic background but I work in healthcare with loads of people from Asian and Middle Eastern backgrounds. Many live in Liverpool and love it. One of my best friends is married to an Indian and lives in Warrington-never had problems. When I moved from London to one of the villages, I did find it quite racist-I’m white and probably wouldn’t have even noticed if I’d lived there all my life but being used to a mixed community, some things made me wince.

@mnahmnah and @BrightSparkHello I have messaged you both

Once I tried to say something to a neighbour who used a racist word and thought I may be able to educate the person who said it but I ended up being made to feel over sensitive.

This stuck out for me. Racism is wrong, but if you try to 'educate' people all you'll do is get their backs up. You can't change the culture of a village, everyone knows everyone else and they'll talk about you with each other.

Find out where people with similar views to you live and move there.

@MrsRachelDanvers hi thanks for this I am British with mixed Asian heritage. So my skin isn’t white. It doesn’t bother me in itself I am in a very white area but it’s the fact there seems to be low tolerance to those who are different here that makes it so awful for me. I’ve just spend some time in Liverpool funny enough and loved it. Felt more relaxed and people a lot more open toward me and less singled out. Am going to spend some more time there at different times but I also have an acquaintance in Liverpool who is starting a social group so that’s also a plus in terms of meeting people x