What should I do ?

[Hmcd214]

Hello
My husband and I are currently looking to move to a bigger house in a nicer area. We have currently lived in this house for almost 7 years and now that we have a child we would like them to be closer to schools, grandparents etc. The house prices in the area that we are looking are very expensive, especially a semi detached . Ideally we would like a detached house but they are out of our budget. My in laws are going to be selling their beautiful 4 bed detached home in the area that we are looking as they are currently building a new house and have offered their current house to me and my husband for a better price.
I think it is a great idea but every time it is mentioned my husband says no that their house is too jug for us and he then changes the subject. He always told me that he loved his family home and that it was his dream house , yet now he is turning down the opportunity to live there.
My father in law has offered the house to us many times and I feel like if I speak up and say I would like to live there my husband will still say no as he is the main earner in our family and will think he has to pay bigger bills etc. I personally think it would be a shame to turn the house down but every time I mention it he says it’s too big for us.

How can I make him see sense / change his mind ?

Sounds like a great opportunity.
.You should be able to openly discuss it as a family, from what you are saying it sounds like he shuts it down. Make it a pleasant environment for a conversation and be explicit you want to chat about it. Set a time and place, maybe a lovely dinner, let him talk and address his worries also you have to tell him what you want and how you see your family there.
Would your in-laws give you money towards new house otherwise? Or what happens if you buy their house and then decide to sell?

He doesn’t want it and I think he’s right. Too emotionally complicated. Your PIL, no matter how much they try not to, will still think of it as their house and be miffed when you change things and feel weird about coming in as guests without free reign of your private spaces. Your husband wants a home that is truly your own.

I suspect that there’s a lot more going on here than simply the size of the house. He might feel that, were he to accept, that he will not be truly independent of his parents; it might still be too expensive for you — they may be willing to sell it to you at a ‘good’ price, but it would still have to be within the ballpark of a market price; he might feel that you could never really make it your own — it will always be filled with the ghosts of his childhood.
Some sensitive questioning is called for but, ultimately, I think you have to respect his feelings, whatever they are.

It doesn't sound like they are going to be offering it to you at a discount and from experience I can say it can be awkward buying from someone you know. What do you do if the survey comes back with issues that your in laws say are fine but don't seem so to you? Do you insist on proof, walk away if the problems seem too big? Saying you don't believe them would be very tricky!

Our friends wanted to sell to us because it would be an easy transaction. It would give them an easy life and they didn't want strangers traipsing through and the hassle, I guess. But there were a couple of issues they glossed over that I wasn't happy about. Having no idea when the electrics were last updated: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Eh? It's at least 150 years old and that's how fires start. Having to turn a dehumidifier on for two hours every day, which is probably where someone added cement render to a stone house and it all needs stripping back and undoing. Of course they claim it's fine and never a problem but honestly I would rather have a house that has had owners who knew how not to damage it in tbr first place. Or insisting that parking has never been a problem when the last time we visited it was chocca and we had to park on a through road that the OH wasn't happy about.

If he has offered it to you several times, maybe your husband is fed up with him trying to force the house on you. Maybe he is even trying to manipulate you so he has an easy life and your husband doesn't want to give in.

I understand big house bill worries. I live in a big but not old house now and my energy bills make me cringe. And we all know these days that it just takes another war or shipping problem and it's volatile and the risk of more increases always seem to be lurking. The government have no money left to help folks and our electricity network is desperately out of date in the most part, and the energy companies will pass on the cost of upgrading to the consumer. So I think it is a really fair worry.

OP, please never forget a big, bigger house comes with bIGGER bills and keeping it clean and tidy.

When we moved recently, we were looking at places and then took our some of our adult children to have a look on a second visit before we put in a firm, cash offer - thankfully our children stopped us by say "mum, dad, who is going to cleaning looking after it in a few years time as you get older."

We listen and we bought another smaller house that has an integrated garage andas a ruslt we have true 3 double bedrooms and a box bedroom that is still a decent size compared to many ie about 7' 6" by 9 foot. - so much eaier to manage and two living rooms one nice 23 foot long by about 15 foot wide and big kitchen - - we bought this for over 250k less than the other, did it to our taste and with money left over bought an apartment to rent out

The advantage you have is the discount - depends on how much it is but please note the above - heating bills are massive and diffult to heat a larger vitorian house unless you have underfloor heating

Good luck