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Original poster

Moving out of London aged 25?

32 replies

natalianatinski · 05/12/2023 08:57

Dd has been dating her current boyfriend for two years. She’s 25 and he’s 29. She’s obviously an adult and can do what she likes but I still worry!

Her and her boyfriend have decided to buy a house (with out help). They could get a 1-2 bed flat in an ok area of London and be close to work. They have decided instead to buy a 4 bed house in a very MEH commuter town in the south east. It will take over an hour door to door for work. Would not be our choice let’s say.

Has anyone else moved out of London relatively early? We moved out mid 30s. I worry that she will limit her social life and her career prospects. She is in “nice” finance and thinks she might like to move to a more cut throat bank for more £££. Her current job says 2 days a week in the office but most banks now require 4 days.

OP posts:
Original poster
natalianatinski · 05/12/2023 08:58

that should have said “with OUR help”

OP posts:
Daisies12 · 05/12/2023 09:00

Well it’s not your choice, even though you’re helping them out. I think that seems very young to do that unless they are hoping for kids very soon. We’ve just done it age 33 and 36, and we do miss London. And we chose to live in Brighton rather than a meh commuter town. We bought a 2 bed in London zone 3 first, glad we had those years

LIZS · 05/12/2023 09:02

We did and commuted five days a week. It is really not social suicide if part of the week is wfh.

KCSIE · 05/12/2023 09:04

natalianatinski · 05/12/2023 08:58

that should have said “with OUR help”

Determine the parameters of your 'help' first and then crack on.

Are you expecting your DD to buy a property you would choose with your 'help', or one that her and her DP would choose?

Twiglets1 · 05/12/2023 09:12

It’s not your choice, it’s their choice.
I moved from London to Norfolk at 25 with my boyfriend at the time, now husband. I was pregnant too so plenty for my parents to worry about if they were prone to worrying ( they weren’t).
It all worked out fine! Well Norfolk didn’t but that’s minor.

KievLoverTwo · 05/12/2023 09:38

I lived in a few MEH places in Kent for quite a few years. It was fine.

Have they lived together before? For how long?

Araminta1003 · 05/12/2023 09:41

The thing is if that MEH place attracts lots of young people like your DD, then it will change in the next 10 years. Just like lots of places in London have changed. Can she really not get somewhere in the Oyster zone at least? Because that keeps transport costs down substantially. She just needs to figure out where all the young, successful people are going and go there too.

I do agree with her thinking that buying one potentially forever places is better than a 1-2 bedroom flat.

Original poster
natalianatinski · 05/12/2023 22:30

Yes. But Tonbridge? It’s awful

OP posts:
Crumblecakes · 05/12/2023 22:33

YOU think its awful, they are obviously happy with it. There are far worse places than Tonbridge, if they don’t like it they can sell up and move somewhere else

MilkChocolateCookie · 05/12/2023 22:37

An hour door to door is not too bad in my opinion. When I was living in London zone 2 it was 40 mins - and as you say, you get a lot more for your money by moving out. I think you are projecting your own views onto her. If she's happy, let her decide.

cestlavielife · 05/12/2023 22:37

She is not you
She clearly prefers space + commute

LittleMissSunshiner · 05/12/2023 22:44

None of your business at this point.

Having helped them doesn't mean you get to chip in criticisms and doubt. We are powerless over other people. Since they've decided best advice is be kind and supportive.

I live in C Lon and I dunno sometimes I feel it's all a bit 'over' now but then I am not young and starting out.

Maybe they want to start a family ASAP and have a big family home? or maybe they want to mitigate the cost by taking lodgers? or maybe they want to live like civilised surburban people and do gardening on a weekend not be trapped like rats in shoeboxes with ASB neighbours and crime? who knows.

Maybe I'm jaded and wish I'd moved into a 4 bed house with a loving partner when I was 25 instead of the actuality of my own life LOL

Ardith · 05/12/2023 22:47

I hated living in London. Perhaps she does too.

A one hr commute in a window seat on an overland train is way nicer than 30 minutes crushed into someone’s armpit on the northern line.

MikeRafone · 05/12/2023 22:49

It could be worse, Coventry is only an hour to Euston and that is not a desirable city

ChatBFP · 05/12/2023 22:53

Tonbridge isn't that bad. And you can get out to some nice green spaces at weekends, if that is what she likes. 🤷‍♀️

Decimbir · 05/12/2023 22:53

natalianatinski · 05/12/2023 22:30

Yes. But Tonbridge? It’s awful

Hah I knew it was going to be Tonbridge. I completely agree with you but it’s definitely their mistake to make and there’s no good way to interfere/advise.. Anyway some people seem to thrive on the premature commuterville move, I do know people who’ve done it and been happy. Even to Tonbridge..

TiredCatLady · 05/12/2023 22:59

Not your choice but together only two years (at 25 - first serious boyfriend?), moving area and buying a house would be a concern. They can’t have lived together long, if at all, by this point. Who is putting down most of the deposit? Which one of them earns more? It would make more sense for them to rent for 6 months in the place they’re interested in and see if it actually works out with the commute and their social lives before they make the leap to mortgage.
(And I’ll readily admit, at 25 Tonbridge would be my idea of hell. And still is.)

AustinEleven · 05/12/2023 23:08

I would suggest she/they rent there first and see whether (a) they like Tonbridge/non London life and (b) how they cope with the commute.

I was working long hours in the City in my 20s. Staying late in the office I could get a cab or a tube home in 30 minutes. Late nights and early starts with a journey over an hour door to door on unreliable network rail on top of a stressful job is exhausting. They should try before they buy.

PickAChew · 05/12/2023 23:14

She's doing well to be able to afford either option at 25.

WilloTheWispy · 05/12/2023 23:18

I did. Lived there for a bit. Hated the commute. Rented it out. Moved back to London. Won’t move out again!

heronmane · 05/12/2023 23:18

I get you OP, my dcs are only primary/preschool aged but I grew up in London and only moved from zone 1 to zone 2 in my 40s. We try to bring up our dcs to make the most of London life and I'd be disappointed if they tried to escape to the burbs in their 20s (or 30s or 40s).

I'm not sure what you can do of course, as others say she's an adult. I would wonder if the older boyfriend was driving the decision and if it felt out of character for your dd. If she's never liked the bustle of city life then it may be the right thing for her.

Freetodowhatiwant · 06/12/2023 06:29

Like you,OP, I find the idea of that awful! At least move to somewhere fun and interesting like Brighton! But it’s her choice and hopefully she will be happy with it. Also houses can be sold of course and minds changed. Make sure she has everything tied up legally as to who owns what given that they are not married.

pjparty · 06/12/2023 06:38

I also think it's an awful idea but hard for you to say that without risking your relationship. Maybe ask her some thought provoking questions like what would happen if she was offered a really good job which is full time in the office, if she wants an night out are there places in tonbridge to go or will she be cating the last train... these types of practical things would get me thinking..

Araminta1003 · 07/12/2023 08:37

Tonbridge is where people move for grammar schools, so typically people with kids in Year 5. I have heard it is up and coming… The train line is quite fast. Sevenoaks is now really expensive. They may be on to a winner there, who knows. I would not be so judgemental.

Years ago my cousins all moved to Shoreditch and their parents thought is was shocking, then Clapton, then Walthamstow etc. All these people made money doing what they did. Before that Notting Hill was rough… just saying

Araminta1003 · 07/12/2023 08:39

Personally though as a young professional right now I would do Elizabeth Line somewhere.