Relocating: Help me to decide where to move!

[Elz58]

DH and I are relocating to be closer to both sets of grandparents with our two young children DS5 and DS2. We can’t decide between two areas: go with our heads or hearts?

We WFH, although DH travels for work so easy route to airport is helpful, but not crucial. We’re relocating from a more expensive area, so fortunately budget not really a consideration

Town 1 Heart

• Gorgeous market town, with independent shops, cafes etc
• good amenities, doctors, dentist, leisure centre, most of the major supermarkets
• can be a bit touristy at times, but not overwhelmingly
• on edge of national park (this is partly a lifestyle move too: DH and I into walking and mountain biking, our boys love being outdoors)
• Reasonably isolated, 30 mins to nearest city, no train station
• an extra 30 mins commute compared to town B, if I were to change jobs
• great but not excellent secondary school

Town B: Head

• desirable location because has excellent secondary school
• primaries over subscribed
• smaller than Town A, but 10min to city with train station connecting to two further cities and airports
• 30mins drive to the same national park as above
• I went to this secondary school, had a great experience but still have a bit of a weird feeling about living there. Can’t really explain it!

Both are within 20 mins of grandparents, and we can’t rent unfortunately for a number of reasons.

Which town?!

Personally I would go with head- partly because connections and stuff like that can become a right fag and if anything happens jobwise are probably easier to have more options. I'm afraid these days I wouldn't pick anywhere that's a bit in the middle of nowhere because if access to a hospital either

Head because teens and doing taxi duties wears thin.

Yeah, I would go with head too. Train station is much better in my book and for kids growing up, though I'd never want to be 'reasonably isolated' whereas it seems to appeal to you. Given that they're both close to each other, I'd be sensible. There's not much in it though and you know the areas well so can't really go far wrong.

Thanks for this! Really interesting that everyone’s gone for head. You’re right, being 30 mins from a city could definitely be a bit of a pain, especially for job changes and future teenagers.

But then again the town is quite large and self contained, most things we’d use day to day are within walking distance so not much need to go to the city (which is alright, but not the loveliest tbh). I’m feeling pretty torn!

@Elz58 what do rest of family think?

Are we talking like a Sheffield/Bakewell kind of contrast?

If you are living within the town, so walking to shops and schools, then go with Heart. Travel once a week or less to city doesn't matter so much.

Is there plenty for teens to do in the town?

I went to this secondary school, had a great experience but still have a bit of a weird feeling about living there. Can’t really explain it!
A fear of regressing to childhood and childhood-friends you thought you had left behind? Never go back, and all that?
You haven't mentioned amenities in Town B.
The extra 30min commute from Town A would be a pain, though.

30 min extra drive at weekends and holidays is far less than a 30 minute extra each working day

When the teens have grown you can think again

Just say where they actually are! You won’t be the only one thinking of moving there, it won’t be revealing.

Head.

Review the situation once DC have flown the nest.

I would say head but, if you reveal the towns concerned, you may get a more useful answer.

I'd go with heart, I live in a thriving market town with 30 to 40 minutes drive to the nearest city, and it's been great for us. In fact, some of the city kids come out here for nightlife (pubs with bands or discos!) because they find it friendlier and more fun than a night out in the city. Although we do have a train station so maybe that does make a difference. The kids have had a lot of freedom because of the nature of the town, which has been better than their friends who live on the edge of a city because it feels so safe. It's not until later on that the teens want to go into the city, and then, because they're all going together, they can get an Uber back, or the bus if it's during the day, presuming there is a bus. If I really thought I was likely to change jobs and struggle with the commuting, then maybe I would make a different decision, but you just sound like you like it there much more, which is really important, although obviously what does the rest of the family think?

Nearly! Ashbourne is Town A and Duffield Town/Village B. Derby is the city. I didn’t mention before because I didn’t think it was that relevant, as many wouldn’t know these areas well.

This is really helpful, thank you

Heart. When would you really ever go to the city if those towns are big enough to have everything you need? Its not like your heart options are tiny isolated farmsteads in the middle of nowhere, the children will have plenty of friends.

My parents are really supportive of both. Ashbourne (town A) is closer to them, but they understand the appeal of Duffield (B). Although they think B is a bit ‘jumped up’ (my dad’s words not mine!). They just really want us to live closer, so they’re happy either way.

Duffield (B) is 5 mins from my in laws so that works for them

Yeah I think this is it. Just gives me a really weird feeling, as I left at 18 and never thought I’d return.

It’s got a lot of amenities (doctors, restaurants etc) although not as good as the market town

Head

@Elz58 I was very very close, I thought I might be! Love Ashbourne but as I said before personally I'm really wary these days of not having an A&E within sensible reach- and Derby and chesterfield are both a fair stretch.

Duffield is a really nice suburb- personally with teens I would go for that and take trips to Ashbourne and Bakewell etc -

Haha, pretty impressive guess work!

Name changed for this as I know both well and live in one of them. I live in one but my child does sporting activities in the other!

Town A is as described but if you look at Ofsted ( not saying one should) has the currently better ranked Secondary School, as Good overall but outstanding in 2 areas. Secondary School in B went to Special Measures last year, is now Good but requires improvement in a key area.

B has two primarily schools - one has just had Ofsted and the other was flooded and has a temporary site not in the village with no known date of returning. If live in B, the flooding recently was awful. Might be worth seeing if can get into the school you wish. As hard to get into one primary in particular. Both are good.

Hi Elz58 I'm new to mumsnet but wanted to reply as DC goes to QEG's in Ashbourne and is very happy there. Also were you aware that Ashbourne has received the levelling up fund of around 15 mil? So hopefully good things will happen in the coming years as there will be a lot of investment in the town. They have already re-opened the cinema and there are lots of new coffee shops etc springing up plus the leisure centre and there is a youth club, so lots going on.
I hear you about being a taxi we are just getting to that stage. Good luck with your decision. 🤗

Heart!
we live in a national park. It’s so beautiful here, and walking everyday in hills and by rivers definitely makes up for being a taxi service.
and my kids loved growing up here.
but, everyone is different. The countryside feeds my soul but it’s not for everyone.