DH doubts over move

[Areyootakingthepish]

We’ve just had an offer accepted on our dream house, at the top of our budget. It will take our monthly repayments from about 16% of our monthly income to 30% of our income. It’s a big jump. We would have about 50% LTV in the house.

we have big nursery fees at the moment, and so they will drop off over the next couple of years which will also help. The house is the next town along which was the compromise for getting the house in the size and condition it’s in. But the schools are much better and so are the amenities.

DH said he’s worried about the financial commitment, and doesn’t ‘love” the new area. Said he’s generally worried about it all. He was the same when we moved to this house and after the offer was accepted sort of put a dampener on it all and I had to talk him round. It’s probs more of a relationship issue but I feel like saying let’s just not bother. We were all agreed up to this point and now it’s becoming a reality hes expressed doubts. WWYD?

I'm guessing that the biggest issue your husband has with this house is the financial worry of the mortgage repayments on top of the nursery fees. I would have a good chat with him about what he is most worried about.

If it is the finances, it may be worth considering taking your mortgage over a longer term (30 years instead of 25 say) to reduce the monthly repayments. Just do this for a couple of years until the nursery fees are no longer payable, then start making overpayments to reduce the term (or remortgage to a shorter term).

You’re almost doubling the financial commitment of the mortgage, so I can see his concern. Especially with prices as they are now, and the prices of fuel/food etc won’t go down.

How secure are your jobs in a recession? Perhaps he is thinking ahead.

My oh does this about every major money spend. House moves, holidays etc. It's hard when they agree, then suddenly change their mind. It can make it more stressful than it already is, and really put a dampner on the situation.

I have to admit, I don't know the answer, obviously talking and trying to find the root of their concerns can help. As can explaining how it effects you when they put a negative spin on it. Generally, I've found it's a fear of change, or a misunderstanding about finances.

Sorry, probably not much use to you, but I guess I'm just saying you're not alone.

Good luck with your house purchase.

I don't think it's a great time to upsize tbh. In two years' time, you will have no childcare outgoings, and the price of the sort of house you want to buy is likely to be lower. Mortgage rates will have shrunk somewhat too.

I have similar issues with my OH; our problem is houses versus homes. The difference of a few hundred k is a house you can live in versus a home you can thrive in and stay in for life. I don't ever dismiss his financial concerns, but it's really hard work getting him to see the emotional value of a home versus a house, because he is worried sick that finances will only ever get worse, not better (not entirely his fault, it's been a very rough three years, but he's also being far too cynical 'my pay is not going to go up' 'what, over 26 years?! Have a bloody word with yourself man'). So, in order to get what we both want, we have to compromise. That comprise for me is waiting til homes start moving closer towards the more easily affordable range (which is starting to happen); but I am no longer prepared to wait longer than about six months, as my patience is already stretched to its limit with our rental.

Try to find a way to compromise without making him feel as though you are dismissing his concerns, would be my advice.

We are probably about to enter a recession, so I can understand his caution.

It doesn't help if he doesn't like the proposed town; maybe something where you are now will be more affordable in a few years.