Been wanting to move forever now we it’s happening I’m petrified

[MovingAnxiety]

I feel ashamed writing this.

Ive been wanting to move home for ages. Probably around 7 years at least! In fact we had our property on the market a few years ago with absolutely no interest.

A new estate popped up near us a couple of years ago, - stunning large gorgeous houses - dream homes! We managed to get an amazing deal on one of the last ones in April this year (part exchange), just before the rate rise.

Well we will be moving within the next few weeks and I feel sick to my stomach. I can’t make sense of these feelings. I am anxious about neighbours, the playground nearby, the change, new build snags, it’s more than affordable but our mortgage is also going to treble when we could have stayed in our current house and been mortgage free.
I don’t understand why I am feeling like this. I can’t even grumble about the location it is literally in the same area we are in, kids aren’t having to move school and we know some people on the estate already.

I feel guilty for writing this, we have wanted to move for a better quality of life for the kids (currently on a horrible busy road), for more indoor and outdoor space, more freedom for the kids etc. My current feelings have completely zapped any excitement for moving house and I can’t seem to shake it off!

☹️

That sounds entirely understandable — you’ve been unhappy where you are for a long time, but it’s a known quantity, and now you’re facing into the uncertainties of any house move, and they’re looming extra large. I think you just need to let yourself feel the feelings and acknowledge them, and don’t be frightened if you’re over-aware to the negatives (snagging etc) when you move.

Are you in your 40's because I'm currently trying to move and whilst I want to I'm so scared of all these things whereas 10 years ago when we last moved I didn't worry a bit and I loved the previous house and road.

I have got anxiety as I've got older and worry much more about big decisions and I'm sure it's my age .

For what it's worth the house we are in now was brand new and it's beautifully made . Don't over think the snags , they will get sorted and remember nothing is perfect .

Can you go and view the house before exchange ?

It is a completely normal response to moving. Moving home is recognised as a major life trauma, along the same lines as divorce and bereavement. You are more likely to fall ill or have accidents at this time too, so be careful.

I have been very happy for the last quarter of a century in a home I decided I hated the week before we moved, and would have done anything to get away from for the first month. Luckily for me, I had friends who had been through the same feelings at the time of the move, and helped me recognise it was a normal, healthy response.

I think it's really normal to feel nervous about a big move but it sounds like this is a good move for you and your family, as long as you can afford the repayments. You say it's more than affordable so you should be fine. I bet you will love the house once you move in. Maybe it's the thought of all the potential decsions you will have to make between then and now, all the planning, packing, etc. I would go for a full packing service to make moving day less stressful. And don't expect to necessarily love the house on day 1. I have moved a lot and normally feel like I'm just visiting at first. Then it gradually becomes mine.

Don't panic OP it's just the unknown. Have you hired a professional snagger? That really put my mind at ease, he came in, saw a bunch of things I'd never have noticed, wrote a report that I handed directly to the developer, and they came and went over a 2 week period to sort them out. Really pain free!

How did you know… yes I am 40 and I seem to be more hormonal than ever!

When we moved to our current house over 9 years ago I remember feeling slightly anxious but I got over it pretty quickly. My feelings seem to be on another level right now.

It’s almost making feel ill. I feel so guilty looking at my kids and DH as they are excited about it all.

We’ve been for a couple of visits, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the house. I am however worried about the playground and the proximity of it which won’t be going in until at least next summer probably. This sounds utterly ridiculous but the playground is what drew us to it in the first place!!!! 🤦‍♀️

We exchanged quite a while ago - I’ve been looking forward to it for ages but this last week or so I feel like I’m going into a massive meltdown.

Yes we’ve booked a professional snagger.

We lived opposite a playground on our last estate and it was absolutely fine, great even, our kids lived there! Double glazing more than covered up the noise, it was usually quiet over the winter months, and even when teenagers frequented it in the evenings we never heard them, they just sat on the swings chatting. So much nicer than a main road I promise!

It's totally, totally normal - especially because you have waited so long and been thinking about it, which increases the pressure to get it right.

By Christmas you will be fully settled in and delighted that you made the move.

@MovingAnxiety are you on HRT ?
Otherwise try and get something for the anxiety because it's that making you double guess yourself .

I've never had it before now and it makes me doubt all my decisions ! 🙄🙄

The playground will be fine I'm sure .

🙏

This is good to hear.
I can see my kids using it like it’s their own!
Location wise - it’s on the cusp of a rural village and the estate isn’t actually that large either.

Not on HRT but the more I read about it the more I think it is probably worth looking into.

I never thought I’d be on HRT at the tender age of 40 😅 (I still have regular cycles etc, but wow the emotions are insane)

I feel the same. Desperately wanted the house, so excited. Chose wallpaper and paint etc (not bought it, just planned it all). A few weeks in and I'm an anxious mess. Cold feet and panicky and not sleeping well. I think it's probably a normal feeling when the initial excitement has worn off. It's such a big process to go through. Although I'm also in my 40s and feeling generally anxious so could be that too.

One thing I read was to write down the things you're worried about and then flip them to make them positive. Eg. What if the neighbours are awful - to what if they're lovely.

It sounds totally ideal OP. Most people , especially women with children get these feelings!!

I've had these doubts and worries every time I move. I'm sure it's just natural - you're uprooting your life and your family and moving to what is, to some extent, the unknown.

Every time I've moved - and I've moved 14 times!!) I've had different niggles and worries and every time the worrying has been a waste of time. There will be things that irritate about your new place, but there will be many things you love. You'll start to put down roots there, have many happy times and realise that all those little worries were insignificant.

Also OP don't panic if you don't like it in the first few weeks. Moving house is stressful and I say that who has done it more times than I care to admit, if you haven't done it in 9 years it'll be more so. You will squabble with your husband, your kids will annoy you, the boxes will be endless and the added fun of worrying about curtains etc, and mirrors, and toilet roll holders than usually need doing on a new build. This is all really normal and completely temporary, it took me a few months to settle (new area and schools so hopefully quicker for you!!) but by Christmas (we moved in September) we were completely at home.

Be gentle on yourself, but try not to get to swept up in negativity

Sorry I say all that just to say don't mix up the stress of the move, which are completely normal feelings, with thinking it means it was the wrong decision.

Thank you all

@thdskdrggs Please don’t apologise, I completely understand what you are saying!

Have you moved?

@MovingAnxiety no not yet.

Sorry meant a few weeks in to the conveyancing etc

Can confirm that moving home in your 40s feels like far more of an upheaval than your 30s.

I am doing everything I possibly can to make sure the house we buy is the right house, all the while fighting the urge to get the f**k out of a rental I don't want to be in, and it feels like the worst decision I have ever had to make! There are so many 'what ifs.'

Having had anxiety for twenty years though, let me tell you, firstly it's a method of self preservation that can sometimes be useful, but primarily, anxiety is literally the fight or flight mechanism in the brain that still exists in animals and also humans, but in humans it hasn't quite evolved enough to be able to easily turn it off, and in that respect, it's an outdated part of our biology that would be more useful not hanging around. It's your brain saying WARNING, WARNING, DANGER, PREDATOR, RUN! but it's stupid, there is no predator! The more anxious you get, the more that fight or flight kicks in, and the harder it is to rationalise your way out of irrational thought patterns - even if you know they are irrational!

Try to think of it as a stupid brain part that should only exist in animals. It sometimes helps me.

My best therapist also told me it was a lack of confidence in the ability to cope. Because you don't think you can cope, you do everything you can to avoid all dangers. But that's also silly. Most of us are built to cope with a great deal, but anxiety ebbs away at your confidence and makes you feel like the specialist of snowflakes.

Btw, the move I am planning is my 38th, and I am still riddled with anxiety about it!

Tell your brain to calm tf down and start to enjoy the prospect of living the dream.

Living the dream

Living the dream

Living the dream

Chant that when your brain is being a d*ck!

It will be a fabulous house for you and your family. Totally understand your anxiety and do feel as I have got older I get anxious about the unknown. I do not do house moves very well. Try to accept your feelings as normal and maybe treat yourself and keep yourself busy. If you r still feeling very anxious perhaps have a chat with your gp for further advice. Looking forward to getting a post from you in a few weeks time after you have moved saying you are settling in well.

I waited 14 years to move house after moving in with my DH into a house he already had. We found our perfect forever home and moved in in June.

I sobbed. I was so scared, so full of anxiety. I worried about everything and on the first night I cried for our old house because I just wanted familiarity.

It passed! Absolutely love where we are. It was 100% the right decision and I’m glad I just pushed through. It was just lots of anxiety around big changes after being settled for so long!

I am about the same age as you and in the last few months we have moved to a new build and my feelings were very similar to yours. In fact I drafted something to post on MN but never got around to it.

We haven't moved area so the DC can stay at their school and there are lots of positives in the new house for our family. However, the closer we got to the move the more anxious I was about whether we had made the right choice, was the garden going to be too small, were we going to be too close to a busy road etc.

We are now in the new house and I love it. As we've unpacked I have felt more and more settled and I am so pleased we made the move.

Hope it all goes well and that you are very happy in your new home.