Not perfect

[Chalatte]

Does anyone have a home they feel judged about?
Well I do. We put our money into a home(first one) that we thought was great. And it is great in so many respects:location, locality, catchment for schools, and ticks a lot of boxes in terms of rooms it has, space and garden and costs..
But, what we didn't realise until we moved in is just how much work we needed. Also due to our current health and other issues logistics and budget, we just weren't able to do some basic things the house could definitely do with--like changing carpets, anda few cosmetic bits here and there.

It's a very functional house but it hasn't reached where it needs to be aesthetically, just yet.

However we've had quite a bit of family and friends over since we moved and I have picked up some judgy comments that make me feel really bad about the house 😭

I know it's a matter of time and we're getting to a place where we are happy with how it looks, but it's not where we are now. Those comments make it worse. Has any of you experienced something of the sort?

I am in half a mind to never invite anyone over until the house is perfect but the other part of me feels that's OK and I should just let people in as these are family friends etc.

Any advice or suggestions welcome xx

How rude of people to make judgy comments. I wouldn't give a toss what nasty people like that think.

So? It's your house, not someone else's show home. Live in it the way that works for you and ignore any nonsense from others.

Probably when they bought houses, you could carpet a 15 x 15ft room for £100. When I did a middle of the road one that was frankly naff but matched what the LL had put down last summer, it was £440 including fitting. This carpet was in the lowest 1/4th price bracket this shop stocked, btw.

How much is a tin of half decent paint these days, £50?

It's none of their business to judge but I bet they don't know how eye wateringly expensive doing up a house is these days.

Next time someone slips in a snide comment about your carpets, try saying 'if you want to loan me the £5k it will cost to get them redone, you can look at nicer carpets the next time you visit.' Sit and watch their eyes pop out of their head.

It might not make them nicer people but it might make them shut up.

This is exactly it! We did get a quote but have had more important spends along the way. I know in a year or so our home will look so much more different and better but the comments don't help at all.

One of the guests that was visiting from the states asked my partner why he didn't buy a new build in the country like our other relative 😭
his partner was the one who made the comment about the carpets

I don't think they necessarily mean it but it is a real sore spot and has got me so conscious😭

I don't mind how it is now but I'm just not comfortable listening to others about it

Thank you, I think I should just develop a thicker skin and ignore all those comments... It's only a matter of time before we start to turn this around 🤞

Your family & friends are being very rude. I would never dream of making negative comments to people about their carpets or choice of home.

It sounds like your house is a great long term investment and almost perfect for you (no house is 100% perfect). Take no notice of them!

I'd say the person commenting lacks any grace or social awareness.

Who says something like that as a guest in someone else's home?

It took us years to fully decorate our home. We had anaglypta walls and a different swirly 70s carpet in each room. The bathroom had a pink suite and the kitchen was falling apart. We had to do it slowly as that was all we could afford.

It's all done now, but still a mess 90% of the time. Husband is a gardener so grass traipsed through daily and random bits of equipment lying about, son plays cricket and no room to store his giant bag so that's always dumped in the hallway.

I actually love it when I go to someone else's home and it isn't magazine perfect as it makes me feel better!

Thank you, all that makes me feel so much better.

To be fair, the comments have never been overt. Most of the people around us seem to have gone for newer builds and shinier-looking houses, whilst that was never our aesthetic to begin with, which might explain their puzzlement.

We sorted out the living room and then one of the bedrooms, which both look pretty OK, but we are working our way around the rest of the house.

It makes me feel like selling up and buying a newer build just for some peace of mind but that's easier said than done! I just hope people focused less on Instagram-looking houses and more about my hospitality :-/

@Winter42 I'm the same, I actually like less-than-perfect houses because they look real to me lol...!

I'm the same @Winter42 with messy houses. I like it when my friends have messy houses so I know it's not just us!

@Chalatte I can definitely see the attraction of new builds though I've never had one. I prefer houses with character personally.

My house is very much in the "not perfect" category. I feel like social media has changed people's expectation of what a house "should" look like so much. I know houses were far, far more affordable in the era when I first bought one but it was perfectly normal then to have no money to spare and live with donated third hand furniture and curtains, and whatever the previous owner had put in for flooring, kitchens and bathrooms. I just considered myself lucky to have a house, and I don't remember anyone criticising decor either at my house or my friends'. I think it's really sad how much this has changed - and how much worse for the environment it is with whatever the equivalent of "fast fashion" is for home decoration.<end rant>

I'd say that new builds don't interest you, that you are taking your time to see exactly what you want to do. You could do a quick cheap fix, but you want to get it right. Also they are vv rude to voice their thoughts.

It took us 15 years to get our home how we want it (& a lot of money!!). I love our house & will be brought out in a body bag.

It's a 1930s semi as I love older houses with character so would have never bought a new build.

It takes time & money to get it how you want it but its so worth it in the end.

Any friends or family who maje judgy comments about your house are frankly rude idiots who dont deserve your hospitality. All I expect when being 'hosted' is a clean bathroom & kitchen (don't care what it looks like so long as it's clean) & fantastic company.

You will be surprised, I've had it at least 3-4 times so far :-/ must be a culture thing, no one has come out and said it but it has been implied...