Relocating with DCs due to divorce

[Nosierosi]

Hi All,

after long drawn out months of divorce negotiations my ex and I have agreed that the family home will be sold as I can’t afford to keep it on by myself.

Sadly although im in a good job I just don’t earn enough to buy anything in my local area even with what should (pending sale of house) be a good deposit around 100k. Im having to consider moving further into Essex, im currently in the Greater London/Essex border.

Realistically I’m not able to raise enough for a 3 bed house in the areas I’d like to live so I’m having to think about compromises.

i can’t compromise on rooms, I have a boy and a girl and am unlikely to be able to rehouse again in the future. I also won’t have the money to totally do up a project so it’ll need to be in reasonably good condition.
My compromises will have to be areas and probably a driveway. It’ll either be an unattractive house in not a great area but a bit closer to my mum and friends (think 40 mins car) or something bigger and in a nicer area but about an hours drive away from my support network and work.
im struggling with where to start really. I am really struggling with the idea of moving the kids into something which I feel is inferior to the house/space we have now. I know that’s my issue really, not theirs, but it’s really upsetting me.

im not sure what the point of this post is except the idea of having to make this decision and the idea of uprooting the children is making me feel so overwhelmed and sad. I feel awful from taking them from somewhere they are settled and also selfishly where I’ve grown up and am settled.
I’d be interested in hearing from anyone who has been through this or a similar situation. Either for some reassurance or lessons to learn from. Thanks in advance.

Not much advice but best of luck. You're going to spend a lot of time on Rightmove from now on! I hope it works out and that you can find somewhere you can really make a home

I completely understand! I’m in the same position. It’s just awful. Between me and my stbx my we have £400 000 but he won’t let me have half. Obviously going to court over it. I’ve contributed half but he still thinks he’s entitled to more. I too have to move from a city as I can’t afford a house in the area I live unless it was a flat with no garden. I am moving closer to my parents but I hate all houses I can afford on Rightmove 😭😭😭. I am assuming I will always be alone so need to accept a shitty house. However, at least we can home ourselves. Could be worse!

What will your ex be doing? Ideally you'd both stay in a closeish area, so that the kids can have both parents involved in their day to day lives - unless he's a total arse to them, this is really beneficial for the kids, and also for your ability to work and have a personal life.

In my experience, once you look at places with suitable schools (with space), plus work commute/availability, plus proximity to family/friends/ex, there are actually not that many houses left.

It's also not ideal, but 3 bedroom flats do exist, and could give you more options. In the short term, this might also let you rent somewhere in the catchment the right school(s) to get a place, while giving you some time to confirm that you like the area, and potentially find a house that's cheaper as it's less desirable for catchment or other reasons, but that works for you.

Do it before there is any whiff of court, and do it without him knowing. Or else he could put in a court order preventing you from taking the kids.
Once you are settled, court are less likely to order a switch of residence.

Could your compromise on buying a 3 bedroom garden flat, rather than a house? That might mean you get to stay in your current area, if realistic. I hope everything goes well for you.

Have you tried a mortgage broker who can find you a lender who will accept child maintenance and and benefits you get as well as your salary? There are some that will, it might make a big difference to what you can afford

Hi OP. I moved away and had to move into a much cheaper area to get a decent sized home. Unfortunately it needed quite a lot doing to it and I underestimated the work.
I just sold last week but it increased in price by 48K in 4 years so was a good investment at least.

I didn't want to get another mortgage though and was desperate to get kids intl better schools.i wanted a place that had been done up and would be a nice, comfortable home.
I devided to buy a share with Heylo so you can choose your own home (as long as its over 2 years old). You buy the share you can afford and pay rent on the rest until you staircase.
It's a shared ownership schene but you don't have to just buy new builds where choice is limited.
Could this be an option?

I'm buying a 25% share for about 74K on a house of 300K.

Well when it came down to it I had to move nearer my parents which the kids loved tbh. I made the move all fun and it didn't go badly at all, they very quickly made new friends in school and now have a great relationship with there grandma and grandad where they can pop around anytime they want to. They also go out with a bunch of there cousins they never used to see before the move

Thanks for your suggestions. I should have probably said that the kids dad is fully aware that I’ll have to move if we sell. He soy a whole yarn about how worried he is that he won’t see them anymore but even though we’ve spent the last 2.5 years living a mile away from each other he only sees the kids for 2 nights a month and doesn’t engage in any of their clubs or activities despite me encouraging it. He won’t contest any move because he just wants to get some money out of the sale to pay his debts off. He has also told me that he plans to move away in the future too!

I have gone to an independent broker who has found lenders who’ll take into account the child maintenance and universal credit so I know my maximum lending amount. I also have to consider that with the rates being as they are i could afford to borrow more at the moment.

I hadn’t considered the shared ownership. I’ll look into it.

unfortunately I don’t have any family elsewhere in the county so I can’t move closer to anyone. I’m quite worried about feeling isolated.

whats your budget Op , i live in a lovely village in Essex , it might not be as bad as you imagine.

I think around the £300,000 mark. Possibly a little more depending on how much house sells for etc.

where do you think Is good pavilion?

unfortunately i dont think you'll get a lot for 300k where i am . good luck on your sale .

Speaking from experience, I think we sometimes focus on what we 'should' have rather than what we actually use. I'd spend a couple of weeks jotting down what you and the kids actually use in your house now. For example, do the kids spend all their time in their bedrooms so actually you could buy a 2 bed and use the living room as your bedroom? Do you use the garden regularly and if not, would a 3 bed flat be cheaper?

I relocated with my 3dc and had to downsize considerably. I was also struggling trying to find a house that I thought we needed. I ended up renting my friends 2 up 2 down for 3 months and it made me realise the space I did actually need and what was not important. For context I used to live in a 5 bed, 3 bathroom, 4 reception room detached house with an acre of garden. I now live in a 3/4 bed terrace with 2 reception rooms and a small garden. My new house since relocation is perfect for all our needs.