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Original poster

First time buyers in your late 30s, 40s in expensive locations - what did you compromise on?

45 replies

HolyParc · 04/08/2023 10:24

If you were in a position to buy your first home in your late 30s or 40s with DC, what did you go for? We live near London and prices are very expensive, compromised on property and got a flat rather than a house further out.

OP posts:
Andifeelheavymetal · 04/08/2023 10:30

Got a flat instead of a house. It's great because I've actually future proofed myself as once I'm mortgage free I'll be older and I won't have to worry about selling up and moving to a retirement flat as my mobility declines.

Rollercoaster1920 · 04/08/2023 10:54

I was mid 30s, London, and bought just before children (but planned for them). Now heading towards secondary age.
I was adamant I wanted a freehold house rather than a flat, so compromised on distance to tube/train, condition (it was a wreck), and bought a an ex-council house on the edge of an estate. I cycle to the station rather than walk.

We wanted to stay in our area of central London.

Pros:
House with garden for children to play in. Was amazing in lockdown to have that space.

Have enough rooms for each child to have their own.

House prices rose more than flat prices.
Have not needed to move as family grew (stamp duty is horrific)
Children can be rough on a house so it being a bit rough matters less!
Central London so near tube and train, have buses and night busses for when the children are older, can cycle and run to/from work. Commute has been short and relatively quick (30 mins).

Cons:
Doing the house up takes time, money and stress, dealing with trades, moving stuff about, children living in a building site, DIY is time not spent with the children.

As they get older they notice the house is rough and feel a bit embarrassed.
Not being close to school. The closest primary is OK, but we travel to an amazing one. The knock on effect is that friends are not in walking distance so playdates harder.
The immediate area isn't as nice as their school friends' areas! Kids start to notice these things.....
Would like more internal space. An extra bedroom would be nice for office / family staying, better kitchen / dining space too.
Secondary in my area isn't great so might be moving soon.

With hindsight would I make the same choice? I think I'd make similar choices but ideally would be closer to school and children's friends. Maybe we should have compromised by moving further out and taken the hit on commute (e.g. lost the tube option and just on a train line).
With babies / very young kids you have a good 8-10 years to plan to be in one place where your world shrinks a bit and is centred on primary.

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 04/08/2023 11:17

Following as I'm almost 40 and debating whether to stay in 4 bed rental or mover to buy a 3 bed flat with 3 ds's age 15-8. I wouldn't want them to go back to sharing rooms so I would have to sleep in the living room. Is that a sacrifice worth doing for the sake of being a homeowner?

wutheringkites · 04/08/2023 11:21

We compromised on city. I'm from London but we couldn't afford a house there and didn't want a flat.

Everyone else was moving to the Home Counties but it's not what we wanted. We're both from cities and decided we would rather be 'in' a city than living in the London commuter belt.

We bought a 4 bed detached house in a great location in a city in the North.

I still go down to London once every month or so.

Original poster
HolyParc · 04/08/2023 11:24

@CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease Sorry to ask but wouldn't it make more sense for 2 DC to share and for you to have your own bedroom? especially as they are the same gender?!

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 04/08/2023 11:26

Slightly further out than you but in the SE. Three bed not four and a much smaller garden. Nearly a decade later moved for both these things. Mortgage still manageable but it feels fairly decadent!

Mushroo · 04/08/2023 11:27

The size of the house.

Always thought we’d stretch and get a beautiful 4 bed period semi type thing with a large garden.

Instead we’re now aiming for a bog standard small semi, but still in a great location. So we’ve prioritised location over house.

Penguinsmum · 04/08/2023 11:31

We compromised on kerb appeal. It's not the prettiest house from outside but everything else was perfect. In time we will make some improvements to the front if funds allow.

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 04/08/2023 11:43

HolyParc · 04/08/2023 11:24

@CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease Sorry to ask but wouldn't it make more sense for 2 DC to share and for you to have your own bedroom? especially as they are the same gender?!

Yes but they have separate rooms now so making them aged 12&8 (the 15yr old has asd and sharing is very difficult) go back to sharing after having their own space seems a little mean, when it is completely unnecessary as we do live in a perfectly nice home and don't need to move.

That's the debate really - stay comfortably where we are but renting, or sacrifice my own room to buy.

beguilingeyes · 04/08/2023 11:44

We moved from a 3 bed terraced and had three criteria. Off-street parking (we're in London), side access and a third bedroom. We didn't get the parking space but I love our house.
We also have a tiny galley kitchen but that's only temporary.

Andifeelheavymetal · 04/08/2023 11:45

How severe is the asd? If they're high functioning and likely to be off and independent you're only 3 years away from that independence. But 3 years in house buying at 40 is the difference between getting a mortgage and not getting a mortgage.

Personally I'd buy.

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 04/08/2023 11:50

High functioning, goes to local comprehensive, no ehcp, no support etc, I fully expect him to go to uni, work and live independently. I could also share the largest bedroom with 8yr old, who could then take over the eldest's room when he leaves. So it is a very short term (5year) sacrifice really. Flat is ground floor with garden, and is closer to the secondary school (although further from the primary) and not in a very lovely location. It is simply sacrificing a bedroom

llamadrama16 · 04/08/2023 12:05

We were younger when we bought but we went further out (we're about a mile from the tube in z4) for a bigger house. We do a decent amount of entertaining and love the idea of having the big house DC's can bring friends over to and they all have enough space to mooch around (all without disturbing DH and me!).

Andifeelheavymetal · 04/08/2023 12:06

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 04/08/2023 11:50

High functioning, goes to local comprehensive, no ehcp, no support etc, I fully expect him to go to uni, work and live independently. I could also share the largest bedroom with 8yr old, who could then take over the eldest's room when he leaves. So it is a very short term (5year) sacrifice really. Flat is ground floor with garden, and is closer to the secondary school (although further from the primary) and not in a very lovely location. It is simply sacrificing a bedroom

I'd buy it then

Ginmonkeyagain · 04/08/2023 12:24

Ours qas a it more of a privileged compromise. I was a FtB at 35 but Mr Monkey wasn't. We were lucky to have a big deposit from the sale of his flat (a well located but v v small one bed ex council flat so we could not move in to it together).

Our compromise was due to the fact he had been made redundant and wanted time to think about different types of work. So we wanted to ensure we could afford the mortgage on one salary.

So it was stay in zone 2/3 London and buy a flat or move to the Kent/London borders and buy a small house. We went with stay in London and do not regret it.

Kiitos · 04/08/2023 12:28

No driveway. But everything else is ideal and it’s really not a problem as I can usually park right outside anyway.

Original poster
HolyParc · 04/08/2023 12:31

Ginmonkeyagain · 04/08/2023 12:24

Ours qas a it more of a privileged compromise. I was a FtB at 35 but Mr Monkey wasn't. We were lucky to have a big deposit from the sale of his flat (a well located but v v small one bed ex council flat so we could not move in to it together).

Our compromise was due to the fact he had been made redundant and wanted time to think about different types of work. So we wanted to ensure we could afford the mortgage on one salary.

So it was stay in zone 2/3 London and buy a flat or move to the Kent/London borders and buy a small house. We went with stay in London and do not regret it.

Can I ask, do you have DC?

OP posts:
LovefromPickles · 04/08/2023 12:32

Refused to compromise on size / location / being detached / having own parking / decent garden.

Our compromise was buying something that needed a lot of work. We’ve spent 5 years living in a house with so many problems while we raised the funds to do the work.

Original poster
HolyParc · 04/08/2023 12:33

@LovefromPickles oh wow! I guess it depends on which part of the country you are in... in London it's hard to get all you are describing at a price FTB can afford, even when buying a fixer upper

OP posts:
Ginmonkeyagain · 04/08/2023 12:38

@HolyParc yes - one stepson from Mr Monkey's previous relationship. He lives full time at him mum's and only stayed with us sometimes though (and now he is a young adult so comes and goes according to his own timetable 😄

user1471538283 · 04/08/2023 15:24

I compromised on area but the area I bought was lovely even though it was a regeneration zone. And size as it was only a small 2 bed.

I had quiet neighbors so I never gave living in a row house a second thought.

I so loved that bright little house.

thelinkisdead · 04/08/2023 16:30

We were not in our 30s (mid 20s) but we compromised on location slightly when we were FTB. We bought right on the fringe of a great area so all the benefits but lower house prices. We are north west but in an expensive part of our city. Our first house was a small 3 bed semi whereas had we switched to a cheaper area we could have bought a larger house. Pros for us were: safe area, lots of green spaces & amenities perfect for babies, toddlers and young children, good primary schools. Cons were mainly space related and being on a busy main road. We have just upsized to a much larger house in our ideal area - right within catchment of our chosen secondary as our elder child will be applying this year. There are a lot of pros for us but due to how high prices are we sacrificed a fourth bedroom for a beautiful large semi detached. We can add a big fourth bedroom in the loft at some point if we like, but we likely won’t need to.

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 06/08/2023 17:32

We’re not bound to any major city due to HO so we got a 3 story, 5 bed dreamhouse in a remote part of Wales.
Loving it 😍

Ireolu · 06/08/2023 20:01

We were FTB in 2019. Compromise for us here was the size of the garden. It's small.
We have lots of pros though we were able to put the drive in and landscaped the garden and decorated to our taste. It's also 5 min walk from school. Close enough that we can roll out of bed and get in on time but far enough away not to be affected by all the school parking chaos. 15 min walk to tube. We r in Z4 London.

We would have envisaged staying for a really long time, issue is our neighbours aren't great so I look all the time for a detached house with a large garden. We would stay in the same area.

Ireolu · 06/08/2023 20:02

We were late 30s when we bought.