Anyone else get cold feet after exchange?

[68rabbits]

Buying my first home. Exchanged, waiting to complete in 3 weeks. Feeling really terrified about moving and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Did anyone else feel like this?

On paper it all looks good; the numbers stack up, but I have so much sadness about the lovely flat I'm renting which is just perfect in every way (except I don't own it!). I even have an amazing landlady who fixes everything immediately and she will never put the rent up (some of her other tenants haven't had a rent increase in 15 years, she's proud to tell me).

I'm moving from SE England to the Midlands in order to buy a place I can afford. It feels like a very long way away.
I'm approaching 40, have finally saved enough for a deposit and have a secure job, so it felt like a "now or never" opportunity.

I wish I could stay living where I am now, but then I'll never own my own home so will lack long term financial security. I've exchanged now so there's no going back. I'm not really sure why I'm posting, I'm just really scared and hoping that I've not made a huge mistake.

It's just a wobble about the upcoming change. I've had it before when buying houses. Just trust yourself that what you are doing is the right thing for you. You haven't made that decision lightly, and have obviously worked hard to achieve it so it's not an overnight whim.

It's a big thing, so a bit of doubt is normal. In a few months you'll be settled and enjoying your new home. Be proud of yourself.

Thank you. I think that's exactly what I needed to hear and remind myself of. Yes it's definitely not been an overnight decision. It's been the most thorough researching and decision making process I've ever undertaken! I'm just going to really miss this flat, my landlady and the beautiful surroundings. It's been the most amazing home and sanctuary. I wish I could live here forever.

You will be absolutely fine. It’s just the nerves and anxiety piling in. We all have it but it’s especially difficult when buying your first home. I remember it well.
I cried for about a week after moving in as I wanted my old flat share back. But obviously my life was better in the long run.

You can’t have your rental unfortunately and that’s often the problem with renting and getting used to an area that’s unaffordable to buy in. It gets you used to something that’s not really available or affordable.

But remember all the process you went through to buy what is going to be yours. It will be worth it in the end. At a future point you’ll look back on this time and smile at it all. You’ve obviously planned and evaluated what’s possible for you and haven’t done this lightly but there’s always compromises.

Good luck and best wishes in your new home. It will all be fine with time. Just give it time and remember your current rental wasn’t a palace when your landlord first bought it. They had to make it nice over a period of time etc.

@friendlycat Thank you, that's so so helpful to hear.

Have you considered staying in the flat and renting out your new home? You won’t regret the purchase, having an asset going into retirement will make it worth it.

I'd plan some medium-term nice things for your new home. So perhaps have a Christmas decoration plan or something to cheer the place in the autumn when it's dark outside.

I was just coming here to say the same thing. If you're not ready to move then rent out your new place for a while. It's still worth buying for the investment but you don't need to live in it.

Be aware that it may take a while to settle in your new place. It is a massive change and when I moved a couple of years ago I spent many nights wondering what the heck I had done! (And I was desperate to buy this house beforehand).
Be gentle on yourself. If the house needs work, remember it'll take time to make it your home.

I had this once I had the keys and was standing in my new living room. It is a big purchase, especially as a first time buyer. It soon wore off. Also, if you hate it there you can still move back in a while and rent. You aren't trapped there forever.

Yes, it's totally normal!

When I bought my shared ownership I knew it was the right move, I knew it was way cheaper and more secure than renting, and it was my last chance to be able to pay a mortgage over 25 years before retirement age.
I looked at the house when it was snowing outside and knew it was the right house and that it was going to be my home.

I visited again when the snow had thawed and panicked as there was rubbish on the verges and it all looked not as nice in the area as I'd thought.

I had a lot of anxiety and cold feet but went with it and it's been the best decision ever. It took me a few years to get used to things I didn't like (exposed pipework, awful paint colours) and to be able to gradually afford to get the house the way I like it, but now it is lovely and my cosy safe affordable haven.

It is a big move, moving areas too. Are there any meetup groups or similar in the area so you can meet people?

I am sure it will all be fine once you settle, but as others have said you could always rent out your house purchase for a while?

I moved house 3 weeks ago today and woke up 4am that morning and googled how to pull out after exchange, having a panic attack about mortgage rates! Anyway 3 weeks later I can confirm I LOVE my new house and even though my mortgage is big (mid 40s) I am fixed for another 4 years and trying to just relax and enjoy it for now. You will be fine I am sure.

I honestly think the majority get a bit of a wobble. Humans hate change, humans worry about the future, humans know that houses are very expensive!

Congratulations on being the owner of a human brain!

It's really scary. For the first 3 months of our new area I worried it was the wrong choice. But you build a life, make memories, and eventually that becomes home and your new normal. I love it here now, best thing we did.

I think post-exchange horrors are pretty much compulsory, but I would say, echoing a few previous posters, that part of your nerves are not just about the house, but about moving to a completely different part of the country which you have chosen because of being able to buy a house there, rather than because you like it or have friends or family there, it sounds like? I think that's potentially more of an issue. I had an utterly miserable seven years in the east midlands, having moved there out of London for work. In theory, it should all have been great -- we had a four-bedroom house in a pretty village, rather than a one-bed flat next door to a crack den, good local childcare, secure jobs.

But I found it unbearably insular and unwelcoming, despite doing all the right things. It just wasn't a good fit for me, despite all the practical things being better. We should have left years earlier than we did.

This is not to suggest this is likely to happen to you. All I'm saying is that if for whatever reason you aren't happy there, don't feel you need to stay because all the practical things stack up. You can rent out your house and rent somewhere to live elsewhere.

I just want to balance Originalbliss's post by saying most of my neighbours are London ex-pats, we came from another city, a lot of us moved to this area for affordability reasons and many of us are very happy. Of course it won't be for everyone so I'm not invalidating OB's experience and completely agree life is too short to be tied, nothing is permanent so undo it of you need to, but just to say it has worked out for many people too (my parents did it with us in my childhood actually on reflection, very happily), you just don't know unless you take the leap.

I could have written your post. I loved my old flat so so much but rented it too. Bought a 3 bed as we have 2 kids and felt like the more responsible thing to do. 2 months in I can't say I love it as much as the old flat. I miss that place a lot. But we're slowly making it ours, slowly getting rid of the old owners mark. Week by week I hate it less. Its more stressful though that's for sure. Our house is old and needs repairs and that's a whole new responsibility I didn't quite grasp before. We will get there and you will too.

I wouldn't dream of suggesting my experience was everyone's. I've lived all over the world, am generally good at integrating (we actually left the UK after this village interlude, and are now very happily living elsewhere), and this is the one place for which I haven't got a good thing to say.

All I'm saying is that if it doesn't work for you, OP, after you've given it a proper chance, don't feel you have to stay because it's where you could afford a house. You will have options.

@OriginalBliss absolutely, as I say I just wanted to balance it, not reduce it. I completely agreed with you to say don't be afraid to call it day if needed.

(Also to say E midlands is a pretty big region!)

Also OP, to add, again on reflection, our first home was a compromise and not as nice (or big) as our rental. It's hard to justify that if you're paying more for it, but I will say if buying a home is an important goal for you I think you will derive satisfaction from being in YOUR owned home, it certainly did for us. It just felt different.

Where in the midlands are you moving @68rabbits?

You get cold feet when you know in your heart that you’re compromising.
Owning is nothing if you can’t enjoy it