How to decide if you should take the hit and move on?

UnknownDecisions · 2023-07-13T15:37:39+00:00

Asking for friend. If you bought a house you don’t like, how did you decide to either put more money into it to make it something you like or abandon, take the financial hit and move on?

MILsPlates · 13/07/2023 16:38

What is it they don't like about it?

cestlavielife · 13/07/2023 16:38

What does " dont like " mean?

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 13/07/2023 16:40

Its a lot of money to lose with stamp duty, solicitors fees, moving costs and possibly a reduced selling price with the current market in most places. I would try and do stuff to the house to make it more mine and add value if possible and then look again in a couple of years.

I basically had a breakdown when we moved here, it was relief at getting away from a neighbour from hell and also the amount of work we had to do here. 2 years later I love our house. It's not a forever home but we have renovated it and have it just how we want it and my feelings have really changed.

Original poster

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 16:51

Thanks all.

she said kitchen diner is too small and it’s a semi. She considering knocking through to the dining room and adding a small extension (2mx2m) but that doesn’t solve the attached issue. Other annoyances- all the rooms are too small, it’s a north facing garden, and she doesn’t get on with the neighbour. They don’t interact. She just doesn’t like the noise that comes with being attached.

realistically she won’t be able to afford a large detached house without leaving the area (which she won’t do because shes close to family) or meeting someone and buying with someone else.

OP posts:

Original poster

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 16:57

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 16:51

Thanks all.

she said kitchen diner is too small and it’s a semi. She considering knocking through to the dining room and adding a small extension (2mx2m) but that doesn’t solve the attached issue. Other annoyances- all the rooms are too small, it’s a north facing garden, and she doesn’t get on with the neighbour. They don’t interact. She just doesn’t like the noise that comes with being attached.

realistically she won’t be able to afford a large detached house without leaving the area (which she won’t do because shes close to family) or meeting someone and buying with someone else.

Meant to add, so she won’t be able to fix all the problems. We talked about it earlier and she’s knows that she won’t be able to buy her dream house (big detached far from neighbours but still close to the village high street and affordable!)

she thinks adding the extension and making more social downstairs space would help

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MILsPlates · 13/07/2023 16:59

Is the neighbour a problem or just not especially friendly?

Maybe she should apply to go on Love It Or List It 😄

Original poster

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 17:02

MILsPlates · 13/07/2023 16:59

Is the neighbour a problem or just not especially friendly?

Maybe she should apply to go on Love It Or List It 😄

I told her this! 🤣🤣 kirstie and Phil can make some sense of it!

just not friendly. I’m in a terrace and it’s the same noise

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nobodysdaughternow · 13/07/2023 17:12

She needs a reality check. There is a housing crisis on and many people are very scared because they cannot afford their mortgages.

There are children growing up in temporary accommodation because the Conservatives have spent their latest time in power starving social housing to death.

Small rooms, semi-detached with a small kitchen diner and north facing garden is many people's desperate dream.

I could bear to have such a whiny friend.

cestlavielife · 13/07/2023 17:44

Poor poor friend (sarcastic)
HVing an adequate house which she presimably chose?
Having to compromise
Must be so awful
Duh welcome to real life
Just say to her , love it or list it but stop whining
Go out find a millionaire if you wish

Original poster

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 17:51

Oh dear. I def won’t be showing her this now! she is a lovely friend and person but a bit out of touch.

any advice on extending or moving? Or how to decide?

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Chalatte · 13/07/2023 17:51

I am in a sort of similar situation don't get me wrong, love my house, but it's ancient there's s o much work, money and time it needs, like your friend I'd need to knock down the wall to extend the kitchen. In my case I have no funds. Yeah my dream house is the same, massive detached situation

But the reality is I'm lucky I was able to afford this one. I'd lose money even if I thought of selling this house now even if it meant going on a chain, because of all the money and work we put in, from stamp duty to furniture to decor bits, so it makes absolutely no sense to sell up.

In my case I'm just going to have to suck it up and live here for the next five years, and try to save and improve upon what I already have.

Buying a house can't be taken lightly in the sense you can't just up and quit even if you wanted to, because of everything that goes into the purchase in the first place...

Could ask your friend to focus on what's good in the house, and 3 of the issues that bug her the most that she can at least try fix, eg talk to the neighbors or install soundproofing/ etc
hope this helps

KievLoverTwo · 13/07/2023 17:53

I can only speak to rentals, but for me, I had a sinking feeling of depression half an hour before reaching home in two properties.

Cost of moving across many counties, 5k a pop.

Cost of moving to what you friend is after in this climate? Very, very ouchy.

I don't think unsociable neighbours and a bit of noise from next door is quite enough if she's going to financially cripple herself.

Not being able to get out of bed because your home makes you so miserable and wanting to do anything other than be in your house is an entirely different matter.

LadyEloise1 · 13/07/2023 17:55

Kirstie and Phil's "Love it or List It" or George Clarke's "Old House New Home".
However if the location is wrong, the garden doesn't get sun and the neighbour isn't nice - what's the point ?
Can she afford to sell up ?

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 13/07/2023 18:07

If she can't afford what she wants she will be miserable in any other house surely? She has to take responsibility here as she chose the house she has bought and she can't afford the detached massive house she wants so you just get on with it.

MadameameBeans · 13/07/2023 18:08

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 16:57

Meant to add, so she won’t be able to fix all the problems. We talked about it earlier and she’s knows that she won’t be able to buy her dream house (big detached far from neighbours but still close to the village high street and affordable!)

she thinks adding the extension and making more social downstairs space would help

Show quote history

We knocked through dining room and added a small extension to kitchen (3x3). made a massive difference to the feel of the house.

The semi element (same for us) and the associated noise might be able to be sorted through getting soundproofing installed on the party wall. Can make a lot of difference if installed by a proper company. Can take away the "mumbling" and TV sounds from next door almost entirely and make the house feel detached even when it isnt. probably a couple of grand per room to do it right but might be worth considering.

MadameameBeans · 13/07/2023 18:10

cant do much about the north facing garden although there are a lot of plants which prefer it and thrive in the shade.

declutteringmymind · 13/07/2023 21:04

Tell her it's still location location location.

If her neighbour was causing her merry hell then she is not unreasonable to want to move. Perhaps soundproofing might help?

Original poster

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 22:23

To everyone who talked about neighbours, does moving help that? Unless she goes to a detached doesn’t she just risk another (maybe worse) neighbour?

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MadameameBeans · 13/07/2023 23:07

Yes, thats the thing, you can't choose the neighbours and they could change at any point.
The soundproofing, although not perfect, is at least something that can be controlled. The very best option is to soundproof on both sides of the party wall if the neighbour is agreeable. Then you get an even better result and everyone benefits. For pretty good soundproofing you are talking about losing maybe two inches of the room, which is a price worth paying for peace. Doesn't help if they are noisy in the garden though, but that can be just as much of a problem with detached houses unless the garden is so vast that it's a good distance away from anyone else.

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 14/07/2023 06:17

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 22:23

To everyone who talked about neighbours, does moving help that? Unless she goes to a detached doesn’t she just risk another (maybe worse) neighbour?

She can't afford a detached house so it's a pointless discussion. If it's just the neighbours aren't as friendly then to be honest she's bloody lucky. We have moved due to neighbours from hell and we were both on our knees from it, your friend just sounds really picky to be honest and needs to take some responsibility as she chose this house.

mondaytosunday · 14/07/2023 07:02

Can't stand it when people weigh in with 'welcome to reality'. Not everyone needs to be wearing a hair shirt just because they are in a better position than some.
If she can't afford a house that would give her what she wants, then it's a bit of a non issue. But she can do a lot to improve her home, she needs to decide if its worth it, but I do think taking a lesson from 'Love It or List It' is valuable. Half the couples decide to 'love it', so it can be done. She might need the aid of a professional to see how her current house could be renovated to give her some of her wish list. As for her neighbour- well 'unfriendly' is not bad. I lived next to an unfriendly neighbour for years. We just avoided each other.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 14/07/2023 07:12

UnknownDecisions · 13/07/2023 22:23

To everyone who talked about neighbours, does moving help that? Unless she goes to a detached doesn’t she just risk another (maybe worse) neighbour?

This is what happened to us. We stretched ourselves to buy a house with less neighbours around and to get away from the (attached) neighbour from hell.

We bought an oddly configured semi and assumed that there would be less noise as it's thick stone walls. Turns out the houses used to be one so the soundproofing is rubbish.
Our neighbour was odd but fine until one day he decided he didn't like us anymore now he's become a massive arsehole who is seriously affecting my mental health.
He waits for us to come home then turns all his speakers on - it's so loud I can hear it over my own tv which is in a room not connected to his house.

We never intended staying here for more than 5yrs anyway but after 2yrs here I'd happily leave tomorrow. When our neighbour is on holiday I actually enjoy my home but can't justify spending the money it needs to make it work for us when 95% of the time I hate living here.

With cost of living as it is, I can see us being stuck here for the foreseeable future.

Original poster

UnknownDecisions · 14/07/2023 08:21

mondaytosunday · 14/07/2023 07:02

Can't stand it when people weigh in with 'welcome to reality'. Not everyone needs to be wearing a hair shirt just because they are in a better position than some.
If she can't afford a house that would give her what she wants, then it's a bit of a non issue. But she can do a lot to improve her home, she needs to decide if its worth it, but I do think taking a lesson from 'Love It or List It' is valuable. Half the couples decide to 'love it', so it can be done. She might need the aid of a professional to see how her current house could be renovated to give her some of her wish list. As for her neighbour- well 'unfriendly' is not bad. I lived next to an unfriendly neighbour for years. We just avoided each other.

which professional should she ask? Builder? Interior designer? Architect?

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fairislecable · 14/07/2023 08:32

Your friend should do a theoretical move . Look at what she feels is perfect on Rightmove, then look at what she can afford.

She may then find that where she is can be a good compromise.

Peanutbutteryday · 14/07/2023 09:09

I don’t see the point in moving given you have said she can’t afford her dream home and all the issues you have mentioned are simply there because she’s had to compromise (which most people have to do). A large number of people in the U.K. live in attached houses and deal with some sort of neighbour noise. There are ways to minimise noise cheaply (bookshelves with books for example).