House buying stress causing major anxiety

[Willowsbeach]

My partner and I have just found out today that our property chain is likely failing through (again!) and I am devastated.

To give a bit of background, we sold our first home in February of this year and moved in with my mum until we could buy our own place. Although we have a sizeable deposit and reasonable salaries, we’ve been hit hard by the banks tightening lending criteria and interest rate rises. Our affordability was massively downgraded and weve had to reduce our budget multiple times now. So much so that we decided to break the chain to improve our chances of buying quickly. We were also relocating a long distance and I was due our second DC in April so we had a lot of things to juggle at once.

Fast forward 6 months (baby is now 3 months old) and it is not a happy household. My mother has been so generous and she genuinely loves having the children here. We’re beyond grateful to have somewhere to stay but we’ve definitely outstayed our welcome. The biggest source of tension has been my relationship with my eldest brother (42) who still lives at home. Our relationship has never been good ( due to lots of issues I won’t get in to) but it has really deteriorated recently which is causing stress and tension for us all.

Due to just general bad luck we’ve lost 3 properties now, despite nearly a year of viewings, chains and surveys. We have spent over £5000 and are still no closer to getting somewhere of our own. I am feeling hugely fatigued and despondent about the whole process and am not sure I can face starting all over again. This is affecting my mood and my general mental well-being. I am struggling to sleep at night thinking about how to progress things for my family. There are almost daily tensions that are spilling over and I’m just finding it so hard to parent my two young DCs (2 year old and newborn) in this environment. However we’re also feeling really pressured to move out and, although she doesn’t come out and say it directly, my mum asks me daily about the ‘timescales.’ We have tried to find rental properties but there are so few on the market right now and we keep losing out to people without kids and pets or who can put down 3-6 months’ rent upfront. I’ve spent the afternoon desperately booking in more rental viewings for this week so fingers crossed something will work out. It is definitely time to leave. But I am starting to lose hope about us ever getting out of this situation and just need some positivity from people who have been in similar situations and made it work.

Hi that’s a very tricky situation and I’m sorry your db is making what should be a happy time with a new baby in the bosom of your family, to a stressful one where you are so anxious you can’t sleep.

I absolutely hate our housing market but since we cannot fix that at 3am on MN maybe we could help you fix the problem at hand.

I was also in this position about 8 years ago, although living with PIL was lovely it was our commute that was a nightmare so we were desperate to buy in a seller so market and couldn’t afford to splurge rent.

We made an offer on a holiday let at the end of the season to stay for 3 months at a discount price - no cleaning fees and sure income meant the lessor was happy to negotiate on price

Whereabouts are you in the country? maybe you could try something similar, either with a holiday let or a serviced apartment and we could help you find somewhere

Yes that's a tricky situation all round and I don't think there are any easy answers. If you are proactively looking at houses to both buy and rent then there's not much more you can do. It is just a numbers game and you've been unlucky to have three chains collapse. I'm sure your mum can see how hard you're trying.

Would you consider chain free properties such as new builds or probate sales?

Is there anything you can do to keep your current chain intact?

I would explain to your family that you believe there will be a flood of cheaper property coming to market by the end of the year. They will understand that its sensible to wait to get more for less. Hang on in there and keep adding everything you can to your deposit. Having sold already your in a perfect position to take advantage of the falls - if everyone can just bare the current living arrangements a bit longer.

Go with the Scottish saying "what's meant for you won't go past you".

The housing no is not going to be good for a while. You are excellent buyers.

Are there other houses of the type you are likely to lose? Would a polite flyer to say 'we are looking to buy and recently lost out. We appreciate many people will be holding off selling in the current climate but if you were considering it please contact us on...'

There will be people desperate to move who can't face the open market just now so you have little to lose.

It doesn't feel good now but suspect in years to come you'll look at that house and think 'thank god we didn't pay that much for it'.

If your husband can get any time off, you can get good bargains on Monday to Friday holidays before the schools break up. Maybe a few days apart will help the current living situation and allow you to regroup.

If you have a sizeable deposit saved up then surely you would also be able to offer 3-6 months rent upfront to move into a rental property? I think it would be reasonable to do this in order to secure a rental property because as you say, it is really not working out staying with your parents now the time has become so extended.

If you moved into a rental for 12 months say (with a 6 month break clause), that would take the pressure off having to find a property ASAP. Prices aren't rising (falling in most places) so you don't have to worry about being priced out of the market.

As a PP suggested, I also think you could consider buying a new build if those appeal to you.

Do you have other family or friends you can camp down with for the occasional weekend? I am sure part of the tension is mum and brother wanting some peace and quiet and to have life back as it was, and temporary respites might help.

I agree re: approaching holiday home owners for long stays. The air B and B market is saturated and not all of them are getting bookings.

I am so sorry for you and your family. Sometimes doing the right thing is damn uncomfortable.

Also, try to book a family holiday so you all have a break to look forward to. It’s no good ploughing every single penny into savings if the living situation is eroding everyone’s sanity. You have to find a balance between savings and happiness.

How did you get on? We (as a family) are in the process of buying and it's been the most stressful thing I've ever done in my life. I can't think of anything else, some days i cant sleep, im obsessed with it all i can barely function and i am worrying about it all going wrong. I feel its too good to be true and the feeling of dread that its all going to full through. Its hard to be positive, its hard to stay calm my anxiety is extreme but fingercrossed we are at the end of our journey and should hopefully exchange next week if all goes well. I don't think I ever want to go through this ever again and hopefully I won't have too.
All you can do is keep trying don't let your anxiety and worries hold you back. You will find a home and most things work themselves out in end.