When did it feel like home?

[Mywayward]

I re-located 3 months ago.

Left my job and everything familiar, now working on doing up the house (not a major doer-upper but enough to be getting on with full time).

It doesn't remotely feel like home yet and I still feel very unsettled. It didn't help that there were hidden problems that have taken time, energy and money to fix first!

I've made the bedroom nice and the living room is lovely so at least these spaces are relaxing.

How long did it take you to settle? What helped? What didn't help?

I should be grateful and happy, this is supposed to be the dream home but I just feel flat and exhausted.

We haven’t relocated but moved from the teeeeny tiny magical 1 bed cottage that I bought for myself and moved across town to a “grown up” practical 3 bed house that is much more suitable for the 6ft 4 husband I acquired whilst living there, the 2 cats we adopted and needing wfh space for 2!

It was very weird moving out of a house I completely fell in love with on the first very and had “the feeling” and bags of character compared to moving in to one we had chosen for it’s good location, sensible layout etc but full of other people’s terrible grey decor that made it somewhat soulless! Usually people go the other way but that tiny 1 bed was genuinely my dream home (bought when single and thought I’d never be able to afford anything bigger).

There’s a couple of reasons I now feel like this was the right choice.

1. Lean in to biggest reason we picked this house specifically- it’s 2 mins from town so we can pop in to grab a coffee, run errands etc. We did this a lot during our early decorating days to brighten them up and our favourite coffee shop know us by name, our orders etc.
2. You are already on this one but own decor! We actually bought a house that we thought was “done” just not our taste and thought we would do it over time. However a few hidden issues lead us to doing 3 rooms up from day 1, not “just the bedroom” that we planned!

Many many weekends of stripping and sanding etc but we have finally got a couple of rooms that are “ours”- we changed everything from the colour of the woodwork to the walls, the flooring and are getting some nice surprises- the spare room that we thought was dark and dingy is actually light and bright now we’ve got rid if the grey woodwork, purple walls and imposing built in cupboards! That’s made us feel proud of the house and also a sense of ownership/creation? In the rooms we’ve started on we have changed everything, not just stuck with things that were “okay” and not something we loved as we intend on staying a long time.

1. Seasons changing! We moved in November and now summer has come around we are learning some lovely things about the house- a nice sunny spot to sit with a coffee of a morning- the way the setting sun floods the lounge with golden light in the evening. The garden is much more pleasant that we first thought. We’re using this time to learn about how we live in the house and some of the interior choices e.g. changing bathroom/kitchen layouts- these are bigger projects for next year.

I came here knowing this move was about practicality not “the feeling” but honestly, now really glad we moved- I’m starting to form an emotional connection to the house that I didn’t expect!

My first home as an owner was a huge reno and ultimately sold it part completed. It was mentally and emotionally draining living there. What I found helped most was keeping clutter down, strategically placed furniture to hide imperfections/issues, and plug in scents changed regularly.

People also recommend plants and fresh flowers but I somehow kill most plants and flowers felt a bit of a waste of cash!

Best of luck!

I think it took me about 7 months to feel at home here, we moved last September.

There was much more to do than we expected but gradually it has started to feel more like us.

I think it just happens gradually as you figure out how to use the space and how to make it look nice for you. I now have a lot of house plants as they thrive here, I'm not sure why but plants love this house!

I also love having an office which is just for me. I've decorated it how I want and put things on the walls. It's currently the coolest rooms the house so it's suddenly in high demand!

It sounds ridiculous but it's taken a while to figure out where to keep things. I think we're now at the point where I know where everything is and it makes sense, which makes me feel much more settled.

Give it time, you'll get there.

I had this when I moved to our newest property. But after 12 months of chaos (baby born etc) I suddenly realised it felt like home.

I had just been 'living' there for a long time before it clicked.

I'd put the house on the back burner for a bit and go out and make some local social connections. The house is just an untethered capsule floating in space ATM. You have no roots down.

Thanks so much for the replies.

I agree I need to put down some roots and make local friends.

Easier said than done though!

There have been houses where I felt at home immediately and others that it took me ages to get to like. One was a 50s house that DH liked more than me and was a compromise anyway. We were there for nine years and it took a long time before I came to terms with it. Then we bought our long term family home and I loved that straight away. We downsized and DH never settled, so moved to this one. I loved the house from the start, but the area, not too much. It’s taken a while.

Local friends.

More ticked off the 'to do' list than still on it!

It needed stripping back to the floorboards, rewiring, central heating etc etc. Luckily we could afford the big bits to be done for us, over about 5 months of chaos. Then another year or so of working through painting it the colours we chose, moving things around to find the 'right' place, getting the structure of the garden in place.

By then I had developed a few good local friends through dog walking, we are all parents of teenagers! And in the two years since it has become more and more 'home'. More dog-walking friends, more of the house and garden the way we want it long term. More enjoying what we have and less feeling that we ought to be painting the bathroom / digging in the garden / whatever when we sit and relax. There's always something that needs doing, but now it is cosmetic, and a 'nice little project for a spare half hour' rather than an endless list.

About a year a long time ago, making local friends made it for me and walking around neighbourhood getting to meet people, are there any local classes or activities you fancy? Hard I know with the house to do but that is what I would do

Difficult here to meet people, the new place is very rural...no kids and no pets so quite restricted on 'natural' friendships striking up! At the moment I'm having to travel back to my hometown to see friends.

My hobby is running, I did try the local group but it's very small and they were all much faster than me, I think they were relieved when I said I didn't think I fit in as I held them back. They were nice enough, just in another league!

Not sure what else I could try...other than joining other hobby groups I'm not keen on but then that feels a bit desperate.

Hopefully I'll think of something...