Did you make peace with staying in a house you don't love?

[HouseWonders]

Just as the title asks really.

I could go into detail but it would read like war and peace

Essentially, I like the house we're in, but would love something bigger to accommodate our family. But we can't afford to move, so kind of having to 'make do' and I'm trying to learn to love the house even though it was just supposed to get us on the ladder.

Anyone?

Yes but it's a long story but yes.
We're just not moving. There are things about the house I love, things I hate, things that can be improved by throwing money at it and things that can't.
Bit like life really. And I've kinda made my peace with it. We've just spent far too much on the bathroom which is now perfect but makes most of the rest of the house look like shit, but having spent it we're now committed.

That's the very short version!
I also like to remind myself I've got a roof over my head and food and a partner and I don't live in a war zone or in a country suffering from famine etc. It might sound pretentious but it actually really helps. I'm OK not having better, it's not real suffering.

I’m living in a house I disliked at first, 24 years ago! I moved from a post war semi built like a tank, to a new build.

I reckon it takes about 2 years to settle and stop looking back with nostalgia, to the previous house. That’s how it was for me, anyway.

I love my home now. I’ve got everything the way I like it and albeit there are still things I’d like, a garage for example, I’m content with my cosy little house and sweet cottage garden in a lovely village. Contentment rocks!

Make the most of what you have and remind yourself it won't be forever. In a couple of years things will start to look brighter.

I have a young friend, early thirties, who lives with partner and four year old in a one bed flat which they bought a couple of years ago. It was all they could afford. They've cordoned off a bit of the sitting room to make a bedroom for their little one and are making the best of it - delighted to be on the housing ladder after paying £1200 pcm for a small house for a long time! Both work and child is thriving.

It's not the end of the world. I hated our first house, a do-er upper, didn't like the area and it was like a dog kennel. We were there nine years which seemed like a lifetime but we got out eventually which was sheer bliss. That was thirty nine years ago in August! Now the first house seems like a bad dream and it was all bad because we had our child there so some happy memories.

Try to save a little bit every month and relax. Life goes on, op. All shall be well eventually.

I dont love where i live but I bought what I could afford.

These replies are really making me feel better, thanks all for taking the time good to hear of others experiences.

My house isn't very loveable, it's a square and featureless mid-noughties new build but quite well proportioned for its age and in a location that suits us, and our neighbours are lovely. We've redecorated it, made our peace with the parts that aren't ideal but are adequate (the kitchen, which isn't to my taste but the layout is practical and the units are in decent order), and we'd need a compelling reason to move.

I disliked my first house intensely but it was just a stepping stone to get me on the ladder.
After 3-years I moved as I could then buy a house that was completely unaffordable to me as a FTB.
Keep reminding yourself it is not for ever.

@HouseWonders yes! The last 3 houses (I know a lot 😂), were all houses that weren't ideal. So many things needed doing, changing, as well as the areas. However, as time goes on, you do acclimatise, and it falls into place. The previous house, I absolutely hated so much about it, then we started making small changes, and the funny thing is, I missed it so much once we moved. It took me a while to get used to the house we are in now.
Every time you change something (be it paint colour/blinds etc) the house grows on you (IMO).

If you make it your own then it will feel more like your home. Decorate the way you want and put bits in that make it work better for you and your family and it can totally change how a house feels. Things like clever storage can make a huge difference.
I used to save up and treat myself to a really nice piece of furniture occasionally that I knew would move with me when I eventually moved to a better house.

Yes, we have.

We sold our last house partly in order to downsize, but mostly to get away from what we considered at the time to be a bad location*, but which with the benefit of hindsight wasn't bad at all.

Swapping areas completely we moved from England to Wales and from a village on the edge of a city (*the bad location) to a rural location with a couple of near(ish) neighbours. It was very difficult to find somewhere that ticked all our boxes and we ended up viewing a repossessed cottage that was at least detached and - externally - had some character features.

We've bought several 'project' houses previously and I'm normally one to see past the crap and have the vision to acknowledge the potential in a house, but in this instance I hated it on first sight, whereas my DH thought it was perfect. Unfortunately there was nothing else remotely suitable available and we'd already exchanged contracts on the sale of our house. We were buying with cash, had loads of bulky furniture etc plus two dogs and didn't want to go into rented which would not only have been problematic with our stuff, but would have eaten into our capital. So I was persuaded to buy it.

As soon as we got the keys I regretted the decision to buy and suggested we put it into auction to get shot immediately, but realised that was a rash decision. I cried a lot during the first few months and 'grieved' for the bigger, better house we'd sold.

Not only did everything need doing as anything the previous owners had done was done badly/cheaply (not a problem as we had a relatively healthy renovation budget, having bought a cheaper house, plus fortunately we're seasoned DIYers who can do lots of work ourselves), but the layout of the house was awful. We soon established that to make it work for us we'd have to reconfigure virtually the entire space. This made me hate it even more, because our last house had been perfect, layout-wise.

Five years on and we've changed everything - from swapping the kitchen and living room, removing walls, rebuilding the old extension, improving the upstairs layout and landscaping (part of) the 0.5 acre garden. There's just a few things left to do but the previous owners wouldn't recognise the place!

I still don't love it and miss my old house, but I admit it's lovely now. Despite all the improvements though, we're going to sell it once we've finished, as it still doesn't feel like home (I tolerate it, but that's all really) and move closer to family. I actually can't wait.

Do you anticipate being able to move at some point OP or is it just you need to be there longer than you’d hoped?

We don’t love our house and tried to move three years ago (after being here for four) but lost out on loads of properties due to ridiculous bidding wars. We decided not to go ahead and at first I was fine about it because I knew we’d get out eventually, but it did get me down. I also found it hard to want to improve our house as I felt like it was temporary so things like decorating weren’t a priority which didn’t help.

We are currently buying and selling now, waiting for exchange, three years later.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is there’s a difference in coming to terms with “we will never be able to move” and “we will be able to do it, we just have to wait/do XYZ first”

My house works well for us now but the style isn't my favourite. I've dealt with it by making it my own a bit in the garden, putting touches here and there. Next time we move I think I'll be a little more picky but this is fine for now.

I'm not sure I've ever 'loved' the property I've lived in - over the last 14 years of student house shares, cheap rentals with DH, travelling, living with parents, we're now buying a house. I still don't think I 'love' the house we're buying. It's just somewhere to function and live our lives! We are out a lot anyway.

I could make do with a house I didn't love provided I loved the location. Having experienced noisy neighbours and houses with no nice outlook in the past, the most important thing for me is having pleasant views, no adjoining houses and a garden that isn't overlooked or slap bang up against other gardens. Location is far more important imo. At the end of the day you can change pretty much anything about the house itself, but you can't change where it is

We bought our first house with our heads rather than our hearts and - having come from a gorgeous rented flat - the only thing it really had going for it was the area it was in. We couldn’t afford to do any real work for 5+ years either. Once we finally managed to renovate and get it how we wanted it, it became the perfect family home. We have had some really happy years here and will be very sad to leave in a few weeks (we’ve upsized)!

I don't feel that "loving" my house is a prerequisite to a happy life, but I love that it is mine, it's peaceful, it's warm and secure, it's as close to how I want it to be as it can be, and most of all I LOVE that my ex husband doesn't live in it.

Agree with the last bit 'you can change pretty much anything about the house itself, but you can't change where it is'

But.....

Having removed two (load bearing - so needed structural calculations plus RSJs) walls to combine the old receptions 1 and 2, then moved all the plumbing etc in order to swap the kitchen from the dark room at the back into this newly enlarged space at the front - which is a massive improvement - we realised we could have just spent a bit more and bought somewhere with a better layout to start with.

Or stayed where we were (oh how I wish we had!)

Upstairs we also completely changed the layout, creating a new corridor, moving a bathroom and losing a huge cupboard carved out of a bedroom just to hold a water cylinder. Not to mention rebuilding the extension, moving the boiler (and replacing it) to a new location, building a ground floor cloakroom and laundry cupboard.

These are just the layout changes.

We've spent £100k+ on improving the bits we didn't like (which would've been more like £200k if we'd used trades for everything) and have put our heart/soul into creating a beautiful home, but I'm really not convinced it was worth it as I'm still not in love with the house the way I was with places we've owned previously.

The location is admittedly lovely though.....