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Original poster

Big wobble before exchange

22 replies

Nowhere1234 · 07/05/2023 10:47

We are buying a property at the moment, but I have big wobbles before the exchange. The main reason we move is because our current house has only one reception room. It's a small 3bed semi and we are a family of 4. We have been looking for a 4bed property for over two years and keep being outbidded.

Anyway, for this house we are about to buy, it is in a good location, has a large garden. But I couldn't say it's a proper 4 bed house, it has two double bedrooms, one bedroom of size 6-7 m2, which I think is really not suitable for a proper double bed. The 4th bedroom is around 4m2, smaller than my current smallest bedroom. The downstairs dinning room is ok, but the living room is narrow with a width of about 3m. My current house is bright all day, but this new house looks dark, I am not sure if that's simply because it's not open plan or it's because of the narrowness and decorations.

We have spent money one survey and search, solicitors fee, and people are waiting for us to move forward. I don't want to disappoint other people, but I just feel miserable every time when I think of moving to the house. What should we do?

OP posts:

RM2013 · 07/05/2023 11:11

I think a little bit of a wobble is normal. I worried that we had made the wrong choice. We desperately needed bigger bedrooms for our teens so went from a 3 bed link detached to a 4 bed 3 storey townhouse but we had to sacrifice a front driveway (have a separate garage and parking space) and a large garden for a much smaller one but the house inside is so much bigger.
Before exchange I did worry if we were doing the right thing. It all turned out perfectly and I actually much prefer my new smaller easier to manage garden.

why don’t you arrange to have a pre exchange viewing to take time to look again and check you’re happy with everything - it’s a lot of money you’re investing so you need to be sure

Original poster

Nowhere1234 · 07/05/2023 11:16

RM2013 · 07/05/2023 11:11

why don’t you arrange to have a pre exchange viewing to take time to look again and check you’re happy with everything - it’s a lot of money you’re investing so you need to be sure

Thanks for taking time to reply. We actually viewed two more times to try to make it work, we have measured every room, tried to plan for the best way to use the space. But the more we visited,.the more doubtful we become.

OP posts:

bluemidnightblue · 07/05/2023 11:29

It doesn’t sound like you should go ahead.

You can’t buy a house just to avoid disappointing other people!

midgemadgemodge · 07/05/2023 11:37

For all the issues - Is the new house better suited to your needs than the current one ?

It sounds like you can't really afford a perfect house so it's always going to be compromises

RandomMess · 07/05/2023 11:41

You seem to be losing some great features for a host of not so great compromises.

What a sunroom on the back of your current house or extending with a large square window at the front work better?

CatOnTheChair · 07/05/2023 11:48

I think your current open plan living has skewed how you picture the rooms. Our current living room is 3.5m wide. It's wider than our previous one, which wasn't small, so I dintvthink that us a complete no.
4m2 sounds small for a bedroom - 2mx2m? Fitting furniture will be very dependant on windor/radiator/door location.

You sound very anti the house. How much do you want to move? How much do you need to move vs your concerns about the new house.

Wobbles are normal. Unless you are prone to over catastrophising about things, I'd seriously consider withdrawing and staying put.

Symposium · 07/05/2023 12:16

It honestly doesn't sound suitable for your needs and I would pull out. You shouldn't be feeling this miserable before a move , you should be looking forward to it and be excited. Don't worry about disappointing other people, this is far too important for that! Some compromises are inevitable in a move but from what you have said you really aren't gaining enough for the compromises to be worthwhile.

RM2013 · 07/05/2023 12:36

@Nowhere1234 i think if you e been back to view and you’re still not feeling more positive then it’s probably not the right house for you. I would pull out rather than buy a house you could regret buying. Hope all works out for you

Words · 07/05/2023 13:20

I have just pulled out of a purchase as I wasn't sure the smaller living and bed rooms and limited storage made up for the better ( in some ways) location and a larger kitchen.

I was stressed enough as it was with other things and the constant anxiety about this - along with all the planning and visualising of how I could maybe make it work, tipped me over the edge. I pulled out and am very glad I did.

I forwarded the survey I paid for to the Estate Agent as a gesture of goodwill as I figured that might speed up the re sale. That went down very well.

Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

dreamonlucid · 07/05/2023 13:26

Just pull out. You shouldn't buy if you feel like that.

MulberryDerry · 07/05/2023 19:16

I think you need to sit down with a piece of paper and draw a list of ideas for each room. How you would want the space to work for you? Where you would work, where put a guest, where entertain or store a Christmas tree and kids' bikes.
Try to imagine having different family events there, step by step. Would you enjoy having a cup of tea outside? Do you see yourself watching tv in the sitting room?

4sq m is a very small space. More like a walk-in wardrobe. Not bad but maybe you intended it for smth else.
Make your imagination work.

A little bit of panic is ok but it is also ok to walk out if you change your mind. Don't be a people’s pleaser. House is a longtime commitment and would largely define your life style.

MulberryDerry · 07/05/2023 19:17

@Words that's a very kind thing to do!
Well done!

Reallybadidea · 07/05/2023 19:17

What's the difference in square meterage between the two houses? Is this one actually bigger than your current house?

We've almost moved a couple of times - the first one just made me feel sad when I thought about it, but fortunately we hadn't put in an offer yet. The second one we had actually put in a couple of offers under asking and the vendor turned them down. We could have gone up further but we decided that there were just too many compromises. I pass this house every day and I've never regretted not moving there.

Third house (and one we eventually bought) had some niggles and I kept questioning whether we were doing the right thing. I always felt excited about the thought of living there though and I'm so glad we bought it.

From what you've said about this house, I think you'll regret it if you go through with it. Maybe you have just been so desperate to move that you're doing it because you can, rather than because it's the right house?

Roselilly36 · 07/05/2023 19:26

Totally normal, I would say. Every property we have ever bought,
I have always had doubts tbh, I am risk adverse in nature and tend to think too deeply. DH has always been, it will be fine, and so far it has been.

You must have been sure to offer & get this far down the line in the process, you have time to think, whatever you do, do not exchange unless you are sure.

Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

NicLondon1 · 08/05/2023 01:15

If you are not feeling excited about it, if it is genuinely too dark with small rooms, then best you pull out… but perhaps send them the survey to help with their sale, that’s a lovely idea

Original poster

Nowhere1234 · 08/05/2023 07:10

Thanks all for your very reassuring words. I think we will have to pull out. I would be happy to provide the survey to the EA, however, there is a small structure issue there, I am not sure if EA would like other buyers to know that

OP posts:

TenThousandSpoons · 08/05/2023 07:22

Definitely pull out. A friend bought a house she wasn’t sure was right and has regretted it every day since.

Lcb123 · 08/05/2023 07:33

And this proves the property buying system in this country is so awful. I endured the most stressful year last year after buyer pulled out. How can you have only just realised the room sizes? It has surely been months since you offered

WaitingfortheTardis · 08/05/2023 07:49

Before pulling out I'd write down all the reasons you originally went for it. There must've been things you loved. I don't think 3.5m sounds too narrow at all, and as long as each room can fit a bed you will at least have the extra rooms you want.

Pinkdelight3 · 08/05/2023 10:14

It sounds like you can't really afford a perfect house so it's always going to be compromises

I agree with this. Sounds like classic wobble, esp as you've been back twice and measured up and still gone ahead with it. Why do you need all 4 bedrooms to be big if you're only a family of four? Often one bedroom is smaller but still useful as an office or a single/guest room. Kids don't need double beds either.

It sounds like a step up from your current property which is how it tends to work, rather than being the dream home ticking all your boxes. Unless you have a big hike in the amount you can spend, the latter doesn't tend to happen as the next step from the current home you're describing.

It's normal to have wobbles, but I wouldn't over-react and pull out unless you're pretty confident you can afford a better prospect or suck up staying put.

Pinkdelight3 · 08/05/2023 10:17

Which doesn't mean you have to suffer and move into a house you're hating, but a lot of that is mindset and is under your control to reframe. This intense bit is where the wobbles happen and can feel overwhelming, but try not to focus on some future nightmare fantasy of you hating living in the house. Make some proper lists of pro's and cons and if it makes sense as a move, commit to it and see the positives. Unless there's something really terrible about it, which doesn't sound to be the case, once its your family home, you'll fill it with love.

DrySherry · 08/05/2023 10:41

Stay where you are if that's how you are feeling. No need to rush, especially with prices expected to fall by a good 10% over the next year or so.
Why don't you shelve it for 12 months and look again then at what's available. It doesn't sound to me like you absolutely have to make a move now. You will probably get a better house in a year or so - for the same money.

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