Is it fair to ask neighbour to only talk out of the front?

[jammydodgerzz]

And not down the side and out the back when there's a fence there?
Neighbour is elderly and probably a bit lonely/bored but I want to establish boundaries a bit more. Is there a nice way to ask them not to talk to me when they hear me in the garden? AIBU?

Headphones.
Never found another way with my lovely bored elderly lonely neighbour.
it was so hard as I am talked out in my work, and she had no one other than me to talk to.
headphones with urgent work training podcasts that have to listened to right now

Replace the fence with a bigger one that she can't see over the top of.

The fence is very high anyway, but she hears me in the garden or locking up the front door and it's like she's listening for me because she'll always call out hello, and we can't even see her..

I want to say "you're lovely and friendly but we'd prefer to talk out the front only" but it feels soo harsh, but it's getting to the point I'm tip toeing around because I feel I'm being listened out for and it's driving me mad every summer now 😕

You can't lay down rules when she can talk to you!

However if she is pleasant, try to endure it, we may all be ancient and lonely one day, but if you don't really like her very much, gradually start cutting her.

You really could have far, far worse neighbours.

Can you just ignore her if you're in the back garden? Hopefully she'd stop doing it pretty quickly if she got no response?

I agree with this:

’You can't lay down rules when she can talk to you!

However if she is pleasant, try to endure it, we may all be ancient and lonely one day, but if you don't really like her very much, gradually start cutting her.

You really could have far, far worse neighbours’

I think this is very difficult. Your neighbour is elderly and lonely, but you are also entitled to some quiet time.

I don't think you can say that directly, personally. I would try to cut conversation short when you want a bit of quiet time - by saying 'I'm sorry to cut you off but I have to go and read my book now' or whatever, but also consciously make some time to speak at the front - maybe you could initiate conversation there.

Basically I would try training them!

Oh I wouldn't have the heart to say anything
Just be polite -she's probably really lonely

Hello, hope you're well.

Good.

Bye.

Then do your garden or have a lay down and do not acknowledge her further.

😮‍💨 this is quite harsh. If she’s just letting on with general polite chit chat I can’t see the harm. If she’s being rude then I understand but I love being friendly with my neighbours.

I also know It’s better the devil you know sometimes 😉

I would have to say something because I’d feel so ambushed being shouted at when trying to enjoy my privacy and quiet. So, I totally understand.

Just say, ‘I really don’t like shouting over the fence, I’ll catch up with you on the drive next time I see you’

Maybe invest in s water feature and play music at a very normal level so that it drowns out your “noise” somewhat. You are in a tough spot because you recognize that she is most likely lonely and you may be the only person she has to talk to, which is so sad. I would be as kind as possible if she is nice because it would probably break her heart to be cruel by asking her to completely stop talking to you. Maybe speak and carry on for a few minutes, then say it was nice talking to you but unfortunately you have to tackle the garden and I only have a limited amount of time.

So much for older people losing their hearing! Good luck with this one ❤️

I really hope that when we are all old and lonely. Someone will take the time to say hello.

If its getting too much just smile say hello and Continue walking
, bend down do some gardening etc.
Big obvious headphones is a good one. Just raise them or point to them , say hello and say you are waiting for a business call... Can't stop

To be fair it sounds as if the OP is happy to stop and chat outside the front of the house but would prefer some privacy in the back garden, which seems reasonable to me

It might be you in her situation one day.