Does anyone else feel they don’t settle anywhere?

[gwrachgwrachplantosbach]

Lots of people seem to settle very happily into new areas and make it their home. For some reason I never really feel like “this is the place forever”. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed living almost everywhere I’ve lived but I’ve never settled properly.

I’ve lived in Manchester, Bristol, Cambridge, and London… and Cardiff.. the only place I hated living in (wrong choice).

The only place I really feel like “home” is somewhere I’ve never lived! My grandfather was from Pembrokeshire and every time I visit I think “ah finally, home”. But then in reality I know full well I could never live there… I’d go crazy as beautiful as it is

Me. I’ve moved constantly all over the place. It’s meant I feel very unsettled and lack roots.

Me! Since leaving 'home' when I was 17, I've never lived in one place longer than 5 years (with most places being around 3 years!). I've lived all over...including 4 different places overseas. I'm nearly 60 and still haven't found my own 'home'. It makes me sad, as I feel so very transient wherever I am. I think this stems from never really feeling wanted as a child...my brother was the Golden Child and the rest of us were merely 'just there'. We weren't abused in any way...just kind of invisible.

Yep me too.

A friend asked me to get her an address book one Christmas because she had filled hers up with all my house moves.

Im househunting at the moment!

So similar to me. My sister was the golden child. I also left ‘home’ at 17 and was invisible. Similar time scales to you too for staying in one place. It’s made me a bit fucked up. I also can’t understand people who have lived in one place all their lives:

Sort of. I dont seem to get attached to particular houses and constantly think 'in my next house ...'
But I feel at home in the south I get the weather, the culture and the transport atrangements. I'm not originally from here and I have lived other places but I am most settled around these parts.

Yes, I've lived where I am for 4 years now (well, the country, the house only 2), and whilst it's nice to be able to drill stuff into walls, I can't see myself living here forever - it's just for the kids education that I've stopped for a bit.

I don't feel bad about it - I just don't get attached to places.

I feel a bit like this too and I think it's just a symptom of moving around so much and also city life.

I'm similar to you, have lived in several cities, and my family are from a place which is beautiful but isolated and rural, so I could never live there, even though when I go back it feels like home because it's where I grew up.

All I can say is that it just takes a long time to feel like somewhere is home.

I'm only just starting to feel it in my current place and I've been here for almost a decade.

I think if you have things that enable you to get involved in your community, that helps. For example, volunteering in the local park, could make you feel connected with the place and people near where you live. Some people also say that it begins to feel like home when they have a child, because they become more connected with a community of parents.

I think feeling at home is about how connected and grounded you feel, and if you just live in a place but don't feel connected to it, it will never feel like home.

...and I'm another one. Unstable childhood, absent useless parents, I left home at 16 and have got on with it myself, with no parental or family help. Subsequently I had to rent a lot, which meant moving around a lot. I guess the "South East" is where I'm "from", I wasn't born there though. When you lack parents that have a stable relationship, and a family home, or somewhere to go at Christmas for example, then its very difficult to pinpoint where home is. My fondest childhood memory was 4 years living with my Grandparents in a lovely village in Kent, so I feel like that's the closest to "home". Prime commuter belt now, so I can't afford to live there!

Likewise, it blows my mind when people have lived in one place all their lives. I find the idea of that so dull with limited real life experience, but a tiny part of me is jealous at the stability.

Same here. Longest I have lived anywhere since I was 18 is 5 years. I am 50 now. I did stay in the same geographical area for 10 years but moved house three times during that period.

I had a very unstable childhood and like @SilentHedges don't really have anywhere I can look back and call 'home'.

It's made me very resilient though and have always been able to settle really easily where ever I moved to and make nice friends quite quickly. I often feel excited at the prospect of a move! However, I have agreed with DH that we will stay in our current location for at least another 7 years to see my DD through secondary. I do have a very good idea now of the type of location that makes me really happy as I have pretty much experienced it all, including living abroad.

I am also amazed when I meet people who have never moved! I just can't help my itchy feet!

Me too.

My childhood was stable and my family fairly affluent, but I wouldn't say I was terribly happy as a child. I had issues with under eating and confidence, not helped by rather old fashioned, controlling parents.

The longest I've lived anywhere is ten years but since selling that house, DH and I have moved several times with five years at the current location being the longest of those recent moves.

We've lived in Hampshire, Essex, Wiltshire, West Midlands and now Carmarthenshire and I never felt settled in any of those, whereas DH did (all except Carmarthenshire which we both agree on).

I always think I'll settle in the next place we move to and I'd love stability, but however hard I try it just doesn't feel like home. However, where I'm actually from - on the south coast of England - doesn't feel like home either and hasn't ever. Nowhere does.

We've tried city living, seaside, suburbia, village life and very rural and none are exactly right. When we sell our current home we're going to try a market town, but I already have my doubts tbh.

@SpringIntoChaos neglect is abuse.

I am the same. I think moving almost every year (including countries) as a child didn’t help. I feel like I always have to keep moving onwards, hopefully upwards but it doesn’t work out that way. House is on the market as I type.
In an ideal world I would travel the world forever.

@SpringIntoChaos thats really sad about your childhood, have your parents ever acknowledged this if you don't mind me asking?

@mrsfennel sadly not...and they've both gone now unfortunately 🤷‍♀️ Me and my other siblings did, on occasion, try to confront it but we were always shut down, and nothing ever changed. We knew it wouldn't but you never stop trying so you? It's done now...and the really sad thing was, when both my parents were unwell and needed support (financially, emotionally and practically!) it wasn't the Golden Child who provided it!

Yes I’m like this, moved a lot to random places for specific properties that we’ve fell in love with. The area is secondary as a result, we might like the house but feel apathetic about the area and wouldn’t ever consider moving in the same area it’s always somewhere new.

we love our current house but it’s 300 years old and even if we lived here 20 years we would be a mere blip in time. We have decided to commit to this house until kids leave home but we are already talking about where we will move to next.

You sound exactly like me. It’s not a great way to live, is it? I have lived in Dorset, Gloucestershire, Worcestershire, Angus in Scotland, Edinburgh, Aberdeen. Kent and the Lake District. About to put our house on the market too, though not sure where to go next. I’m not really happy anywhere. I wasn’t born in this country either.

I also had an unstable childhood and neglect. Parents who only thought about their own needs. I have no where to call ‘home’.

@SpringIntoChaos What a surprise about golden child not being forthcoming when times get tough!