Left out of mothers and aunts will

[neine]

Still feeling hurt that my much loved aunt left her bungalow to my brother
even though she told me that she was leaving it to me. I am one of four
children and have one brother and two sisters. My brother is a millionaire
three times over, "his words" and financially doesnt need any help at all.
My mother who lived just above her has also signed her bungalow over
to him and has excluded myself and my two sisters also. Her reasoning
is that he looks after her and pays for any jobs that need doing. He does
do this but I feel it is so wrong to have a preferred child in the family. I
will never do that to my own two girls, both of whom are married and
live independently of myself, as everything I and my husband own will
be split 50 50 and wouldnt dream of favouring one over the other. This
has left myself and my sisters disliking my brother for having all this extra
wealth and has caused a rift with my mother also. Are we right to feel
this way?

I think it’s one thing for inheritance to be left to charity, but it’s another for parents to leave everything to just one child. Not only does it hurt the children left out, it also ruins the relationship between the siblings. I find it really odd: you spend a lifetime building a family and then chuck a grenade in it when you die. I really feel for you op, it’s horrible.

What does your brother have to say about this?

Bloody hell, OP, is your brother not embarrassed?

Why hasn’t he shared out the proceeds of the bungalow sale?

Horrible.

Gosh, it makes you think that perhaps there should be similar inheritance rules like in other countries (where there is a part of your inheritance that you can't give away by testimony and which your child will always be entitled to),

So sorry OP.

There really shouldn’t be. You should always be able to leave what you want to who you want. And there would be some circumstances where you would absolutely want to disinherit family.

This is about the fact that
my brother sold the bungalow to complete strangers knowing that my
aunt wanted it kept in the family.

But what would you have done with it as you told your aunt you may not want to live in it?

I would have asked who would want to live in it. Either my neice or my daughter. I would not have sold it. If I was forced to sell it because no
family member wanted to live there I would have made sure my brother
and two sisters had a share of the money.

Well, it works perfectly well in other, well-developed countries. It doesn't mean that the full inheritance is automatic, but a % that has to go to your children. I have a feeling that the number of misunderstandings that can be avoided using such a system far outweighs the situations you refer to.

My brother loves money more than life itself. I wasnt surprised he didnt
give any to me or my sisters to be honest. The hurt I feel is my aunt
not telling me that she had changed her will to my brother. I would have
understood as it was hers to do with what she wanted. I thought we were
so close. Obviously I was wrong.

I'm torn on this, really. Under normal circumstances I think inheritence between children should be equal. But when one child becomes the de facto carer, carrying the total weight of the mental load of looking after a parent needs, sorting out carers, property maintenance, doctors appointments, etc, it takes a lot of time our of your week and is stressful. I never appreciated just how it takes over your life until I was in that situation. So why should other children who do next to nothing benefit from the actions of their sibling?
There's not enough info to judge if that's what's going on here but I don't, anymore, believe it's always as cut as dried as everyone gets an equal share.

It's horrible that parents drive a wedge between siblings with this kind of thing. Mine will all be split three ways to all my kids if I outlive Dh and he'd do the same.

Yes. My brother was given a house aged 25. He will be given another when my Dad dies (despite his behaviour). Massively unfair to both me & 2 of the 4 Grandchildren. We actually need it (disabilities & husband us) but hey ho, what can you do? Not cultural just Horrible.

I told my aunt that I may not
want to live in the bungalow as I didnt drive and wanted to stay near to
my grandchildren who I looked after for my daughter to work. I told her
this as she wanted the bungalow to stay in the family.

You talked yourself out of your inheritance. Simple.

Why on earth would you say something like this? It basically translates as "I don't want to do what you want done with your property" so of course if she heard something different from your brother "I'll keep it in the family" she will have transferred it to him.
You were too honest and lost out. It's horrible that she did this but you've got to take some of the blame here for telling her this.
Your brother is a scumbag for not sharing though.

It doesn't bother me who gets what from my parents will. If it all went to one sibling so be it. Doesn't change how I view and love my family tbh.

But in some instances it's because, right or wrong, it is women who end up being the careers as they are not always in full time positions whereas their brothers might be and so more difficult for them to spend the time. It's sexist but that is still the way it works for most families (yes, I know, of course there are instances of the reverse but less common) in this country. Or someone might have moved abroad with work and got settled there (and presumably did not enjoy the same amount of 'granny' care if grandkids were involved).

Again to have a 'guaranteed' chunk that goes to each child doesn't not prevent the rest of it being given to one particular party if it is felt that person deserves it. But bear in mind, that sometimes the caring kids were also the ones who received more childcare help when their kids were younger so therefore so I'm sure it all evens out in most cases.

Sometimes an inheritance suggestion is dangled in front of you to keep you involved/in line or compliant.
Expect nothing, no matter what they say and you'll never be disappointed.

Her reasoning
is that he looks after her and pays for any jobs that need doing.

Does anyone else help her out?

If he loves money more than life itself, there's no telling how much he has emotionally manipulated her/poisoned her against you.

Try not to let it cloud your memories of her. The likelihood is that he has been the massive shitbag who engineered this whole thing.

I am sorry you have a horrid brother.