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Original poster

What if you don’t love any properties?

21 replies

Bleambx · 11/04/2023 20:59

Hi all - feeling very lost in my house purchase journey at the mo. We’re sold, to FTB but have struggled to find anywhere that fits the bill for us since we’ve been looking (early Jan).

We have a decent sized budget for our area (700k) and we aren’t particularly strict on our requirements except detached, nice size garden and doesn’t need upwards of 100k spent on it to make it liveable.

We’ve seen some nice houses, in different areas but neither me or my partner have ‘loved’ any. We have seen one we really do like but the fact neither of us LOVE it seems to be holding us back. Are we being unrealistic that we’ll find something we love? Should we go for the best option we’ve seen?

The house we’ve sold was our first home and we just knew it was the one for us - is this jading our view?

OP posts:

A34 · 11/04/2023 21:11

We moved before Christmas. I don't think we expected to love the property we eventually offered on and subsequently moved into. We had a list of 'must haves', 'wants' and 'definitely nots' and chose the house on that basis. We were very aware that we didn't want to lose our buyers.

Puffykins · 11/04/2023 21:22

I think falling in love with a house is more often than not a slow burn. You pick a house with your head - location/ size/ garden etc. - and your love for it comes with living it and making it your home.

There are people who fall in love straight away, but that's often to do with the house matching their idealised view of home, whether that's a honeysuckle-covered cottage, a Georgian rectory, or a mews house on a charming street. They imprint what's been held in their head on the house - a bit like if you had a thing for tall, dark-haired men with blue eyes who played the guitar - and then you meet one.

In many ways, it's better not to fall in love too fast, as it can blind you to rising damp, just as the guitar can blind you to coercive control.

Oh, and your relationship with your first home will often feel more intense, especially at the beginning, because it is your first (it's ALL amazingly similar to real life.)

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 12/04/2023 08:19

echo a PP. My first house I didn’t love, but it was in budget, the location was good and nothing scary was on the survey. I really enjoyed living there.
My current house again, I didn’t love but the location was where I wanted, everything was a good size and had features I really liked.

My friend bought the house she loved and it’s been an absolute moneypit. She was essentially swept away by some quirky windows and a nice garden and ignored the fact it’s an exhibition of bodge jobs and dodgy builders work, that has been financially a disaster for her! We did try and warn her!!!

Lcb123 · 12/04/2023 08:22

We’re buying at the moment, and I wouldn’t say I love the house. Mostly as I’m being cautious until we compete, especially as haven’t had the survey yet. But I do know it’s the best house for us that we viewed. I am very pragmatic! The issue with being too high expectations for loving a house is I wonder if you then overlook practicalities

MerylSqueak · 12/04/2023 08:27

I would say keep looking. DH and I looked for 9 months and we could find nothing that ticked even our essentials list, let alone the five things we had decided it would be nice to have.

Then one day we were looking at a house that we resigned ourselves to making an offer on but we asked the builder who was working on our current house to come with and he spotted lots of faults. The EA said one round the corner had just come on the market. It had everything. We made an offer there and then.

But we did have a very clear idea of what we wanted and we did take our builder with us to look at promising ones.

CellophaneFlower · 12/04/2023 08:36

What is it about the house that you don't love? Are they things you can change? Some people struggle to love something that is decorated/filled with things somebody else loves.

You may have felt differently about your current home as it was your first purchase and it's always exciting to finally have somewhere of your own.

Littleroseseverywhere · 12/04/2023 08:56

I didn’t fall in love with a property until I had quite a large budget. Before that it was the best house for us in budget. I think if you wait to fall in love you will end up homeless. I strongly suspect if you doubled your budget you’d fall In love tomorrow.

tinyblackcat · 12/04/2023 09:42

I’d go for a second viewing on the one you really like.

CrumpetsandJammmm · 12/04/2023 09:46

Falling in love with a property is a bit of a myth, unless you stumble across the imaginary house you daydream about. There are always going to be bits that are exactly what you want, and bits that need a compromise.

For me, location and size won over everything else and we ended up with a house with an aesthetic I wasn’t initially keen on - I wanted old, we bought modern. But as it ticked the big boxes we knew we needed to make an offer as it was unlikely anything else that was, say, 85% of what we wanted would come along.

Greenfairydust · 12/04/2023 09:46

I am buying my first house at the moment and I don't think I would say I love it.

I chose something within my budget, in a nice little town and near shops/train station and GP (so practical reasons). Also the agents were the non-pushy type is easy to deal with.

The house itself is just a terrace with a small-ish garden. It hasn't been decorated to my taste but could be really nice once I put my own touch on it.

I think unless you have a massive budget you will have to compromise and get somewhere that you can improve.

I only saw one house I really love the look of but it was not in the best location/street, too close to a school (so I would have had teenagers going up and down the street all week) and the house next door looked like it had not maintained (that worried me as this was a Victorian Terrace) so I passed on that one.

Instead I went for something that ticked most of my essential boxes rather than something I really loved but just wasn't practical.

I saw so many houses over a period of 4 months and I really had a good idea of what I would get for my budget and accepted that it was never going to be the ideal house.

I am having the structural survey done next week.

I think the good thing with being practical rather than falling in love is that if the survey comes back with a lot of issues, I won't have any problems with again doing the practical thing and pulling out (should the owners not agree to lower the price and/or the issues were too costly/extensive to fix).

midgemadgemodge · 12/04/2023 09:51

I wouldn't expect to love a house before I had moved in and made it my home

But I have never been in the situation where I wasn't having to make compromises on the wish list and always prioritising getting the essential essentials

I think that having that kind of money messes with your head and you start to expect more

GOODCAT · 12/04/2023 10:00

I have known the house is the one both times I bought and had more criteria than you. I think it is hard if you don't feel that. I would go into rented rather than mess with your sale and wait for something you feel more strongly about.

That said I think you have to be realistic about what housing stock there actually is in your area for your budget. If none of it is likely to give you the feeling, consider going for anything that ticks your boxes in the best area for you that you can find.

If we hadn't gone for our house, there has been nothing that has come in the last 8 years that I would have been happier with that is in budget. I think a lot of luck is involved.

Loobyloo68 · 12/04/2023 17:35

I knew I was going to live in my house the minute I walked through the gate, 20 odd years later still here, put it up for sale a few years ago and took it off again!

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 12/04/2023 17:56

How patient do your buyers seem? If they are in rented or living with family, they may be quite keen to get a move on? And I'm just wondering if you risk losing them if you spend a long time looking?

If you want to take your time looking, might it be better to move into a rental property and complete on your house, and then you can take your time without feeling pressured?

LividHouse · 12/04/2023 18:00

I have fallen head over heels instantly with the last two houses I bought.

Now divorcing should’ve learned my lesson and desperately trying to find something even tolerable within my now tiny budget and with the pressure of my unicorn buyers who’ve been patient for months.

Tomorrow’s viewing: a north facing yard and no parking.

TheNoodlesIncident · 12/04/2023 18:05

We’ve seen some nice houses, in different areas but neither me or my partner have ‘loved’ any. We have seen one we really do like but the fact neither of us LOVE it seems to be holding us back.

It's great that you both really like it. Is it bad that neither of you LOVE it? Not really, because it fits your criteria, it's in your budget and the changes that you make to it will be what makes you love it.

I fell for a house like a PP's friend described above, and bought it on fairly whimsical grounds. It was within my budget, was only a shade more expensive than the one I sold and was a hell of a lot more house for the money. But it was a money pit and needed SO much doing to it, more than I really had budgeted for. Buying like this really isn't sensible, it's far better to buy with your head not your heart and be far more pragmatic about it.

Besides which, you can always move again in time if you feel it isn't right for you.

Wherethewildthymeblows · 12/04/2023 18:09

I've bought 4 properties over the years. The first 2 were more practical and ticked the boxes rather than 'loved'. The 3rd was simply all we could find in a scary period of rapidly rising prices. The current house, I fell in love with, as a pp said, because it fit my ideal image of a chocolate box cottage. It turned out to be a terrible money pit. Also, I thought it was our forever house and we are now looking to move again. I would say it isn't at all important that you love a house on first sight, as long as enough boxes are ticked. It sounds to me like you may have already found your next property.

LibertyLily · 13/04/2023 09:59

We've bought with our hearts four times - each time we knew it was 'the one' immediately. They did turn out to be money pits (all period properties), but this didn't alter how we felt about the property/living there. They just felt right somehow.

Our current house was bought with our heads. DH kind of liked its potential but I hated it from the outset, yet we both knew it was the sensible choice.

Turned out to be a far worse money pit than the others and after several years of making it ours (it's now totally unrecognisable inside as the layout had been changed as well as everything else) we still don't love it. Neither of us can wait to sell it and buy with our hearts again. Imho, if it doesn't make you feel a bit tingly, it's not the one.

CMOTDibbler · 13/04/2023 10:10

I've owned three houses and I've not loved any of them. Partly I think as I'm just not that sort of person (I'd cheerfully walk away from this house to another without a backwards glance just like the others even though we are very happy here), but partly as what I'd fall in love with is way outside my price range!
If it works for you, ticks all the boxes, then stop dithering and move forwards

Crikeyalmighty · 13/04/2023 10:12

@CMOTDibbler I think that's a very realistic way of looking at it. Let's face it the same applies to most of us with highish standards, unless we have enormous budgets in vast swathes of the country.

FuglyHouse · 13/04/2023 13:25

We haven't fallen in love with either house we've bought, they were bought because they were the right size in the right location. I'm glad that we didn't fall in love with them either - we had to sell house number one when we had to relocate, and it will make it much easier to leave this one if necessary.

People put too much emphasis on the dream/perfect/forever home then struggle if they have to move away from a home they "love". Buy the one that you like that works for you now.

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